#he has definitely said his apartment was a safe house for all your murder baby stuff you do

[izzysarchivedblogs]

Text Message Prompts -> Accepting // hey @shootsxruns, how much blood are you covered in if you need that much soap? -> [text]: I bought too much soap off etsy and now I don’t know what to do with it…I smell like Captain America. - to clint

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:01 pm ] -> wait which cap?

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:03 pm ] -> your dad or the old man one or sam?

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:10 pm ] -> wait a minute

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:12 pm ] -> katie bought a bunch of soap too

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:15 pm ] -> is there some new soap craze I don't know about?

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:17 pm ] -> at least you'll be able to wash away all the blood

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:20 pm ] -> that you left on my couch

✉ [ Better Bucky (Ana) / sent, 4:23 pm ] -> when did i say my apartment was a safehouse?

[darkmulti]

I see your request is open for hc yay!

Can i request A!JKxO!Reader where jK has a huge dick and reader is a virgin and also his mate. So JK marries her and forcefully deflowered her and forcing orgasms out of her (bleeding/blood play while deflowering her is up to you). She found out JK’s obsessions of forcing orgasms out of hers until she passed out every night. JK also has a breeding and breastfeeding kink so he wanna knock her up just so he can breastfeed on her. He locked her up, all the time he spends with her is used to breed her while forcing as many orgasms out of her. Ok thats too long of an ask, sorry.. 🥺 thanks! 💜

-> I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH SHAUSHSHS

⚠️: NON CON, mention of blood, breeding kink, breast feeding kink, multiple orgasm, dacryphilia kink, angst, death, murder, slapping, somnophilia kink, rough sex

Pairing: Alpha!Jungkook x Omega!Virgin!reader

-> sorry for any mistakes

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Your breed and Jungkook’s breed are not on good terms

The reason why is because your breed have better senses and are a lot stronger

Jungkook’s breed is the second strongest and let me tell you, they don’t like second place

Since they outdo your breed in numbers, they travel around in large packs and kill wolves your kind

If they eliminate all of you, they’ll be on top

Your parents raised you to stay away from them

They’re just trying to keep you safe because you’re their only child

They allowed you to explore the forest, but you couldn’t go too far

They still needed to be able to smell you out

You’re parents also told you howl if you felt like you were in danger

And you can only explore during the day time

Once it’s night, you must stay close to your parents so they can protect you

One day, you were sitting close to edge of a cliff

This was your favourite spot because it gave the perfect view of the sun setting

10 minutes later, you decided to go back to your pack only to be horrified by the scene

Your pack… everyone was dead

Blood everywhere

Bite marks all over their body

You walked into the crime scene more and saw your parents dead on the ground, next to each other

You immediately burst out into tears, not believing what you’re seeing

“Mom! Mom, please! Wake up!” You nudged her but it was too late

You sat down in between your parents and grieved the whole night

Why couldn’t they kill you too?

You were about to close your eyes but, caught an unfamiliar scent

Your natural instincts kicked in and you got up

You started looking around but that’s when something attacked you from behind

You fall to the ground and knock out after they give you one hard blow to the head

The next morning, you woke up in a bed

You frantically looked around, trying to put the pieces together, but that’s when he popped out of no where

His scent didn’t fail to reach you and once you inhaled it, you remembered all the traumatizing events of last night

Your heart rate increased and you immediately started to panic

“Where’s my mom?! Where am I?! Take me home!”

You started to freak out

“My mom told me to stay away from monsters like you! Leave me alone!”

You let out a piercing howl and made a run for it

However, Jungkook was faster and much, much stronger

He got a hold of your wrist and dragged you back to the room

He quickly pulled out his phone and shoved it in your face

You were squirming around at first but once you heard a familiar cry, you stopped

Jungkook was showing you live footage of wolves your breed, tied up god knows where and howling for help

Your heart crumbled into a million pieces

“W-why are you doing this to us?” You choked on your sobs while watching your breed beg for mercy

“Marry me, and I’ll let them go.”

You looked at him, appalled

“Marry? I won’t marry you. After you killed my family, you want to get married?!”

You pushed him away from you and slapped him

Jungkook poked his cheek with his tongue and quickly dialed a number

“Kill them all.”

You look up wide eyed and shouted “No!”

“You don’t wanna marry me so, now I have to kill them.”

“Wait! No! I’ll marry you! Please set them free!”

Jungkook smirked in victory and told his buddies to stop

“Wedding is tomorrow. Everything is planned, all you have to do is get all dolled up for me and say “I do.”

He left your room as you sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping your tears away

The next day was the worst day of your life

They woke you up early so, they could start getting you ready for the wedding

Once you said “I do” at the alter and signed the paper, Jungkook lips turned into a evil grin

After sealing your marriage with your first kiss, Jungkook drove you both back to your new house

Once you got inside you turned around and faced him

“I did what you asked. I got married to you and now, I’m your mate. You got what you wanted. Now show me live footage that you’re letting the wolves go.”

“You’re so cute, y’know? You really fell for it. The footage wasn’t live. Those wolves have been dead for a while. I could show you the footage of me killing them, if you’d like.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach

“What do you mean? It wasn’t real?!”

“You’re so naive, little one.”

You look at him, dumbfounded

“Why did you kill all of them? Why did you kill my pack? I just don’t understand. Why did you kill all of them just to marry me in the end?”

“Lower your voice, I don’t like being talked to in that way.”

“Go fuck yourself!” You yelled and turned around to leave

He pulled you back and carried you downstairs to the basement while you kept thrashing and yelling

“Let me go, you sick bastard! I don’t want to be near you. Your scent is disgusting!”

You made the worst mistake of your life that night

That was the first time you made him angry

He tried controlling himself but, after you insulted his scent, he wasn’t going to go easy on you

One hard slap after another shut you up pretty quickly

Now, you were terrified of him

Your cheeks were warm and stinging as hot tears glided down

All you could think was “why?”

Why was this happening to you?

Why was only your breed being targeted?

Why did he kill all those wolves?

It mentally tore you apart

You couldn’t wrap your head around anything going on

Before you could fight back, Jungkook got on top of you and pulled your dress down

“W-what’re you doing?!” You quickly grab your dress and struggled to keep it up

“No! No, please! I’m not ready! Please, I’m not ready! I hate you!”

You began to panic, so naturally you howled

“Please! I want my first to be someone I love! Please, don’t do this to me! I’ve never done anything bad in my life! You can kill me if you’d like!”

Crying and fighting wasn’t enough to stop Jungkook

He pushed his whole length in and started fucking you hard without letting you adjust

You frantically cover your breast and private part with your hands but he flipped you around and took you from behind

You felt disgusting and worthless

Your blood was streaming down your thigh and it covered his cock

Jungkook grabbed your ripped wedding dress and wiped up all the blood so, you’ll never forget this day

He threw it in front of you to make you feel even more bad about yourself

You looked away from the dress and focused on your breathing

The speed he was going at was unbearable therefore, it was quite hard to catch your breath

You started to cry for help, calling for anyone who was brave enough to save you

Jungkook’s size wasn’t easy to adjust to

It felt like you were being ripped apart

Especially because it was your first time

“P-please! S-slower! I can’t-”

Your voice cracked in between your sobs

You felt his cock grow inside of you and his tip began rubbing against your cervix

The pain was too much to handle so, you started to cry harder

“No! Too much! I can’t take it!” You wailed, trying to move away from him

He pulled you right back and went as deep as he possibly could

You came around him and thought it was over

Little did you know, it was just the beginning

Hours later, you were under him sobbing hysterically

You were filled with his cum to the point where it was leaking out of you

There was literally a puddle of cum in between your legs

You had bruises all over your arms and body because of his tight grip

And his strong scent made your head spin

You were a helpless, mess

Hickeys covered your neck, collarbone and jawline

Your lips were swollen from all the rough kisses

Your clit was burning from overstimulation

Your cheek was red and bruised

But, Jungkook didn’t plan on stopping

You felt like you were going to pass out when suddenly ripples of forced pleasure pushed through your body

You held your breath and tried fighting off the feeling but it was impossible

You started to cry more, not being able to handle the fierce orgasm

You sobbed uncontrollably, not know what was happening to your body

Before you could open your eyes again, you passed out

Jungkook hovered over you again and fucked you 10x harder after watching you spasm around him

He didn’t care that you were unconscious

You looked so hot in that moment, he couldn’t resist

This continued on for the rest of the year until he purposely impregnated you

If his offspring had a mix of his genes and a mix of your genes, it’d definitely be one of the strongest wolves to ever live

You were crying so hard, telling him to stop because you weren’t on anything

After you found out you were pregnant, he blamed it on you

“You have one fucking job and it was to take your pill.”

“I ran out of pills and I told you that night! I told you to stop. Jungkook, I tried my best to warn you but you didn’t listen-”

He pushed you back on the bed and forced another orgasm out of you, not caring about your pregnancy

You couldn’t fight him off so, you stayed still and hoped for the best

You didn’t want to stress out because it would be bad for your baby

Although you were pregnant, Jungkook demanded sex

Even when you were 8 months pregnant, he still fucked you as hard as he could

You were in so much pain but handled it for your child

The next month, you gave birth

You were obviously new to the mom life and it was quite difficult to adjust

Usually, women have to wait 4-6 weeks before engaging in sexual intercourse

The doctor explained it to both you and Jungkook, so it’s not like he doesn’t know

After you breast feed your newborn son, you tuck him into bed and go to your shared bedroom

You were still in a lot of pain and really wanted some rest

Jungkook was out hunting and when he came home, he was a bit intoxicated

You smelt the alcohol the moment he stepped in the house

He stumbled his way upstairs and slammed the door shut, scaring your newborn

Your son started to cry so you quickly got up to put him back to sleep but Jungkook didn’t allow you

“See what you’ve done? You wouldn’t have to deal with this shit if you had just taken your pill.”

You ignored him and went to your son’s room to put him back to sleep

Jungkook followed you to his room and pulled you out before you could pick up your son

“Did you listen to what I said? I’m fed up with this attitude of yours.”

“Let’s not fight in front of him. We’ll talk in the room.”

You escaped his grip and put your son back to sleep

When you enter your room, you see Jungkook sitting on the edge of the bed with his belt in hand 

Your heart dropped to your stomach

“N-not today. It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet.”

He scoffed, “do you really think I give a shit?”

He raised his voice a little and you gestured him to keep it down

“Don’t yell, he’s sleeping.”

“This is my house, I can talk however I’d like.”

There was no winning against him, especially if he’s intoxicated

You thought you could hold him off for the night until he’s sober again, but you were completely wrong

You were going to your side of the bed when he whipped his belt below your butt

He pulled you by the hair onto the bed and pulled down your night shorts

“I can’t, Jungkook! It hasn’t been 4 weeks! No!”

Jungkook always gets what he wants

His body weight kept you down as his cock plunged deep inside your cunt

You haven’t healed properly, so the pain was intolerable

You covered your mouth with your hand and sobbed

You still needed to be quiet but it hurts so bad

You pushed your face into your pillow and attempted to let out quiet whimpers

“It hurts! Please, slower!” You whispered

Jungkook purposely went faster and the skin slapping was so loud, you were afraid it’d wake up the baby

You were gasping for air, trying to get his body weight off of you so you could breathe normally

An hour after, you had another orgasm

You clutched onto the bedsheets and tried your hardest to remain silent

Jungkook came inside you again and collapsed on top of you, making you groan

He grabbed your right breast and began sucking as hard as he could until milk squirted onto his tongue

You tried squirming around to get him off, but the more resistant you are the more aggressive he gets

In the end, you passed out like always

You kept your distance from him and gave all your attention to your son

He hated that your attention wasn’t on him 24/7

So, he gave your son to his parents for a full month and kept you locked up in the basement

For that whole month, he fucke you senselessly

You were having orgasms every night; you couldn’t do it anymore

He’d bite down on your nipples and manhandle you all sorts of ways

You were exhausted but your son’s life was always on the line

Jungkook could easily hurt him

He doesn’t really care about your son

(I mean, he does but he acts like he doesn’t so he can use it against you.)

Jungkook only looks at your son as your weakness

He’ll make you have three orgasms in a row and if you tell him to stop or slow down, he mentions your son and it immediately shuts you up

He loved having so much power over you

He could literally fuck you for the rest of your life

You didn’t understand why this was happening to you, but there was nothing that you could do about it

There’s no one that could help you and even if there was, Jungkook will always one step ahead

No one dares to mess with him

I know this has lots of mistakes. I’m so sorry😭

[jungshookz]

teeny tidbits: emma comes home past curfew & y/n's not happy about it

➺ genre; kindergartenteacher!taehyungiverse!! honk honk humour!! sixteen year old emma reminds y/n of herself and she doesn't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing

➺ wordcount; 1.5k

➺ p.s. this takes place far faR off into the future!! i just thought it'd be nice to see emma as a spunky teenager :'))

(unfortunately i wasn’t able to track down the original maker of this gif but this is where i sourced it from! all credits go to the original creator of course :-))

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

the sound of the front door rattling at four in the morning would usually be something that would terrify pretty much anybody, but for you-

"oh, come on!"

it's really just another day in the life.

"em's home," taehyung reaches over slowly to pat your stomach and wake you up (as if you haven't been up waiting for the past four hours), his voice laced with sleep as he rolls to the side, "i'll go open the-"

"nope." you reach over to turn the lamp on before flicking the covers off and stepping out of bed, adjusting the strap of your tank top before pointing a finger at taehyung, "you're not opening anything."

"okay, well-" taehyung pauses before propping himself up a little to frown at you, "wait, what?"

"you know, i cannot believe her-" you snap, pulling your hair up into a bun as you hurry over to the window, "it's like she likes to be grounded! i told her she could go out with her friends as long as she came back before curfew, but no-"

"well, it's not that late, is it?" taehyung tosses the pillow he's hugging to his chest aside before turning to look at the clock sitting on his bedside table, "it's only- oh. it's 4:18."

you unlock the latch on the window before digging your fingers underneath it and pulling it up with a snap, watching as emma rushes out from the front porch at the sudden noise

"why, good morning, miss kim!" you call out, leaning down against the edge of the open window with a bright smile, "now i can rest well knowing you weren't murdered tonight."

"the door's broken or something!" emma strategically ignores your snarky comment, placing a hand on her hip before sticking her hand up in the air to flash you her keys with a jingle, "my keys aren't working!"

"oh, your keys are fine, sweetheart." you let out a sigh before scrunching your nose, "i triple-locked the doors. better to be safe than to be sorry, right?"

"okay, well-" emma pauses, scratching the back of her neck before gesturing towards the door, "are you gonna open the door for me or what? i really have to pee-"

"you could always take a squat and pee in the bushes." you point out, emma's jaw dropping slightly before she lets out a scoff

"are you serious? i'm not taking a piss in the bushes-"

"well, i guess you should've thought of that before coming home four hours past curfew!" your tone changes as soon as you get to the point and even from here you're able to make out the slight twitch of panic that runs through emma's body

"don't be ridiculous, i'm not four hours past curfew-" emma grumbles, turning to pull her phone out of her purse and glancing at it before pausing for a second and then looking back up at you, "i'm... four hours and twenty minutes past curfew. so take that!"

"you know, i was just being nice and i rounded down, but if you wanna say you were four hours and twenty minutes late, we can definitely say you were four hours and twenty minutes late-"

"mom!" emma whines, stomping her foot down on the ground as she shoves her phone back into her (your!!) purse hastily, "you can't just- are you seriously not going to let me into the house?! you're gonna make me sleep out on the front porch?! i can't- what if the coyotes get me?! if the coyotes get me, you're gonna regret this decision so bad-"

"the only thing that's going to attack you in this neighbourhood are the little girl scouts who won't leave you alone until you buy, like, ten boxes of cookies from them-"

"i'm sixteen, mother!" emma cuts you off with another whine and you can't help but roll your eyes at the sight of your daughter throwing a tantrum on the front lawn, "i'm grown! i should be allowed to go out with my friends and come home whenever i want!"

you thought you were 'grown' at sixteen too

(spoiler alert: that was not the case at all.)

obviously you love your daughter more than anything in the world but you hate that she inherited one of the traits that you're not fond too of: your stubbornness

and look, of course you know that she's getting older and that she should be allowed to go and have (safe) fun with her friends but this isn't the first time she's broken the rules and knowing her, it certainly won't be the last time

and it doesn't help that taehyung always gets to play good cop and you have to be the bad one!!!

like last time when the two of you caught emma climbing into the house through one of the windows and she ended up getting stuck - instead of reprimanding her for coming home late again, taehyung just laughed and immediately went over to help her out

sure, the sight of your daughter flailing around trapped in a small window was hilarious, but someone had to be the serious one in the situation (1) she lied to you about just having a chill night with her friends because you're pretty sure a chill night doesn't involve body glitter and the faint smell of vodka on her breath! 2) she climbed up the side of the house like a maniac and could've gotten seriously injured????) and of course the responsibility to do that fell onto your lap

taehyung's also just not very good at disciplining which is why you usually gently push him aside and take the lead and it looks like it's time for you to turn on your i'm not mad, i'm just very disappointed in you act once again

"you're going to wake your brother up if you keep screaming like that, and you know how fussy he gets when he doesn't get a good night's sleep-"

"he's the world's sleepiest baby, i could blow up fireworks in his room and he'd be fine- dad!" emma's eyes immediately light up when a sleepy taehyung suddenly pops up next to you and you raise a brow when he nudges you aside gently, "oh my god, thank god- mom's literally being insane right now, you have to let me in-"

"what time did you say you'd be home?" taehyung interrupts, "because i think we agreed on midnight when i dropped you off at hope's apartment..."

"i-" emma presses her lips together before letting out a little scoff and rolling her eyes, "okay, yes, we- i said i would be home by midnight, yes." she sighs before suddenly perking up again, "it's not my fault, though! no one goes home before midnight, it's so lame- hope's dad lets her stay out as long as she texts-"

"ah, texts! let's talk about that! didn't you say you'd text us to let us know where you were if you weren't home by midnight?" taehyung points out, crossing his arms over his chest before reaching up to stroke at his chin to feign deep thought, "because my phone hasn't gone off all night... has yours, darling?" he hums, turning to glance at you

"nope!" you chime in with a helpless little shrug and you nearly crack a smile when you see emma reach up to pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration, "my phone has been dead silent. no texts. not even an emoji!"

"you hear that, emma? not even an emoji." taehyung tsks, shaking his head in disappointment, "you know what this means, don't you?"

"i'm grounded for two weeks, i know-"

"two weeks?? oh, you're grounded for a month." taehyung pauses for a second before looking down at her again, "and! and you have to change all of your brother's diapers the whole time you're grounded. also, i just want to let you know that he had sweet potatoes for dinner and you know how gassy he gets after a helping of sweet potatoes-"

"a month?!" emma roars and your eye twitches at how high her voice goes, "you can't ground me for a month, lucas is throwing this huge party next weekend and i have to be there! are you kidding m-"

taehyung slides the window back down before emma gets to say anything else and he turns to face you with a grin before opening his arms slightly, "well?? what did you think??"

"i think... that was probably one of the sexiest things you've ever done for me." you laugh lightly, happily giving him a quick kiss when he leans in for one

"duly noted." taehyung beams before letting out a quick sigh and then turning on his heels to head to the door, "okay, i'm going to go let our daughter into the house now because i don't think my hydrangeas are going to survive being peed on-"

🎙️give emma some diaper changing tips (talk to my characters/send in a message!)

✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here? (full fics!)

💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles! mini series!)

🌟or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits like this one!)

[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 5: 3-day free trial Day 1

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Day 1

A very rare day off. Usually, Sakusa would spend it cleaning his whole house, but this time Kia is around. Does he ask her to help? What does a 30-month old know about cleaning?

The night before, it was chill. Kia slept immediately after eating dinner and bathing, probably because she was tired from the flight. Plus, his parents were there to help him. He starts to think not to let the toddler nap so she’ll sleep immediately.

You are still in Tokyo, processing some papers for work and will arrive 3 days after. Which means, Sakusa has to take care of Kia alone for 3 days. He really has no idea on what to do. You gave him a schedule of Kia’s routines, but he thinks it’s systematically ridiculous. He has no free time at all.

6:30 AM: wake up (don’t let her stay in bed for a long time or you’ll suffer tonight)

7:30 AM: breakfast (she eats solid food and isn’t allergic to anything. she also isn’t picky. just make sure you cut her food into small pieces)

8:00 AM: bath (she loves playing with water. watch her carefully. she might slip and hit her head.)

8:30 AM: household chores (she likes helping with the chores, especially folding clothes and hanging the laundry)

11:30 AM: lunch

1:00 PM: nap time (give her milk. make sure you let her help you with the chores or she’ll not sleep. she has a lot of energy. also, this is your alone time. spend it wisely.)

3:00 PM: wake up. (give her snacks)

7:00 PM: wash.

8:00 PM: dinner.

10:00 PM: sleep.

She’s not as messy as other kids, but she’s still a child, she can’t help it but make mess. Go easy on her.

“Is this how she spends her time?” Sakusa stares at the piece of paper disappointedly. He checks the clock on the wall it’s almost time for Kia to wake up. “Right. Her mom said she’ll call any minute now.”

Sakusa goes to the room and opens the blinds, waking Kia up. She sits up, looking around the unfamiliar room. She sees Sakusa and raises her hands, a sign to lift her up, but he doesn’t understand. “What?”

Kia starts crying, confusing the hell out of Sakusa. He gives her a bottle of milk but she rejects it. She continues to raise her arms, her cries getting louder. Sakusa wants to throw her out of the window, but that would be murder and you will definitely kill him for it.

Kia stops crying then stares at him with teary eyes. They look at each other as if they are competing on a staring contest. And he wins, Kia says what she wants. “Carry.”

“We have to change your diaper first. Then, I’ll carry you.”

“Okay.”

Kia jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom, Sakusa following behind her in a safe distance. He puts her on the changing station, lying her on her back. He changes the diaper in horror, but Kia is just enjoying the lights in the bathroom.

Not long after having changed her diapers, you call Sakusa. He puts Kia on the high chair, then answers your call. He takes a phone stand and leans his phone on it, so you can talk to your daughter properly. “Mama!” Kia cheers upon seeing your face.

“Baby!” You coo on the other line. “How are you? I miss you!”

‘Already? Pfft. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since you last saw her.’

Sakusa continues to make rice balls. First he makes his, since he is unsure of how much Kia can eat. He puts his finished onigiris aside, then stands behind Kia’s chair to see ask you.

The moment you see him on screen, a blush creeps on your cheeks. He is wearing a loose maroon shirt that shaped his shoulder way too good for your liking. You stare at him without realizing. ‘Has his shoulders always been that broad?’

“Hey, I’m asking you something.” He calls and you snap out of your thoughts. You clear your throat and answer with a hum. He rolls his eyes and repeats his question. “Is this enough rice for Kia?” He tilts the plate of rice, showing it to you.

You act as if you are examining the plate but you are actually too busy staring at his toned and veiny forearms. You nod at him and he leaves the screen again. You pout and forget about Kia who is staring at you. After a while of assessing your face, Kia finally concludes on why you look upset.

“Kyo, go back here. Mama’s sad. She wants to see you, too.”

The room falls silent, and your apartment that is hundreds of kilometers away from them does too. Sakusa, to save you from embarrassment, pretends not to hear Kia’s statement. Then, he hears you speak, “Kia, baby. I have to go to work now. Bye!”

You end the call immediately. Sakusa on the other hand still looks unbothered, but deep down he is smiling like an idiot. But Kia saddens upon seeing the black screen on the device.

“What’s that?” Kia asks out of curiosity and boredom, pointing at Sakusa’s hands that are molding the rice into tiny balls she won’t choke on.

“Your food.”

“What food?”

“Onigiri.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why Onigiri?”

“What do you want to eat?”

“Onigiri.”

“Then, shut up. You won’t get to eat if you don’t keep quiet.”

“Why should I?”

Sakusa groans, then puts the plate of rice balls down on the counter rather agreesively. Kia’s lower lip quivers, staring at him in guilt. He takes a deep breath in before continuing to shape the ham and cheese as he prays for more patience.

Sakusa places the finished food on her tray, then lifts Kia up of her chair to bring her to the sink. He helps her wash and dry her hands before returning her back to the table. She bows her head, mumbling a soft ‘itadakimasu’ before holding onto her spoon. She attempts to put a piece of carrot on her spoon, but fails miserably.

“Feed me!” Kia announces in which Sakusa responds with a sigh. He leaves his food to feed her. He takes the spoon from her hand and attempts to feed her. He honestly wants to shove it in her mouth, but he doesn’t want a child to die in his house because of choking.

“Don’t make a mess,” Sakusa warns, and she nods. He continues to feed her and she is calm to his surprise. On her last rice ball, Kia looks at Sakusa in anticipation but only to be rewarded by a stare.

Sakusa puts Kia down before he cleans her seat and wash her plate. He continues to eat his and tells her to go to her room. She runs to her room and start playing with whatever toy there is in there. She spots a marker and takes the lid off. She runs to the wall and starts scribbling on it in delight. Sakusa finishes eating and washing with the dishes so he checks up on Kia.

“What are you doing?!” He shouts, seeing the markings on the wall. Kia looks at him in shock, dropping the pen to the ground. She starts crying as Sakusa marches towards her. “Why did you draw on the wall?!”

“I’m sorry!” Kia cries, feeling guilty of what she has done.

“You better be because you just made a mess on my wall!” Sakusa scolds, picking up the pen she just used. He takes the other pens on the table and throws them forcefully in the trashcan. Kia cries even harder which irritates Sakusa. “Shut up!”

Kia stops crying because of his words. “Do you not like Kia?” She asks innocently.

“I don’t like messy children like you,” he answers in a stern manner before he aggressively wipes the ink off the wall with wipes. He looks at Kia, expecting her to cry but she is only staring at the wall.

“I thought papa loves me...” Kia mumbles before sitting down on the floor. Sakusa didn’t hear her words due to the stress that is filling him in. Preoccupied with cleaning, he doesn’t realize Kia staring at the wall unhealthily.

Sakusa finishes and grabs clothes from her drawer and the baby bag you prepared in case they go out. He changes Kia then leaves the room. He places Kia in the highchair again so he can change into his practice clothes.

“I won’t be able to survive being alone with you for anymore time.”

-------

The two enter the gym, Kia garnering everyone’s attention. He instructs her to sit at the bench and not to move unless it’s necessary. Everyone is quiet, confused as hell, and cannot believe what they are seeing. Sakusa Kiyoomi with a child, a child that resembles him way too much.

“Is that your daughter?” Bokuto excitedly asks, the other members are so thankful and ashamed of him for asking the question they all want to ask. “She’s taller than I thought!”

“Did you think she was 1 foot tall or something?” Atsumu remarks, walking closer to the child with Hinata. Kia’s eyes glimmers as she sees them.

She stands on the bench, looking up to them. The volleyball players put their hands on their knees, crouching, to level with Kia’s height. “You’re very tall!” Kia exclaims excitedly.

Hinata blushes at her statement, “I am?” He giggles, lifting Kia up. “You’re so cute!”

Atsumu examines her features silently, glancing at Sakusa to do some comparisons. She smiles at the faux blonde and captures his heart immediately. He clutches on his chest exaggeratedly, making Kia giggle.

“You look like your papa but cuter!” Atsumu coos at her, pinching her cheek.

Kia’s eyes widen in excitement upon hearing the word ‘papa.’ She jumps to Atsumu’s arms, which he luckily catches her. “You know my papa?”

Everyone in the room becomes silent with Kia’s question. Atsumu tilts her head to the side, then looks at Sakusa. He is looking at the court, obviously not paying attention to Kia or what she is saying. “Isn’t he your papa?” Atsumu asks, pointing a finger at Sakusa.

“My mama said papa is tall and handsome with curly hair. He also has black hair and black eyes and fair skin! He is also very tall!” Kia rambles.

Isn’t she describing Sakusa? Everyone in the room thinks.

“But Kyo!” She points at Sakusa who is now staring at her. “He’s a monster!”

Sakusa grabs a volleyball and the team members stop him from hitting Kia with it. He shouts in frustration, leaving the gym. Kia starts crying in fear again and the boys help her quiet down. Atsumu hands her to Hinata before chasing after Sakusa.

Atsumu spots Sakusa at the lockers, sitting quietly on his spot. The blonde sits a bench away from him, giving him enough space. Sakusa looks at him and sighs. “I can’t believe you’re the one I’m talking to.”

“If you prefer to talk with Hinata or Bokuto, I’ll go call them.”

“Please, no. You’re the most sane out of the three.”

“Thanks?” Atsumu chuckles, then waits for Sakusa to say something again. He’s aware of how blunt Sakusa is with his words, but Kia just seem to shut him up. He can’t say anything to her.

“What seems to be the problem?” Atsumu starts, knowing Sakusa won’t say anything if he doesn’t.

Atsumu is seen as asshole by everybody, but he is definitely not a bad friend. Sakusa may not consider him as one, but he does. And he’s more than willing to listen and talk to him.

“Kia. I just don’t really like children.”

Atsumu takes a deep breath in before asking Sakusa a question that can get him killed by the ace. “So why are you trying?”

Sakusa processes his question then laughs. Atsumu is getting scared. He has always seen Sakusa as a psychopath and he is showing signs right now. He is about to flee the room but Sakusa answers him.

“Because I want her mom back.”

But he doesn’t want Kia.

--

After their practice, Sakusa, Bokuto, Atsumu and Hinata decide to eat dinner together. Atsumu lowkey scared for Kia. What if he doesn’t feed her dinner? He’s even thinking of bringing her home until you arrive.

They arrive in Miya Onigiri, the only place Sakusa trusts to dine in. They get seated in the private room, Osamu well-aware of Sakusa’s hate towards crowds. He got surprised about seeing Kia, too, but he didn’t say anything. He gives her a highchair and she thanks him gleefully. He ruffles her hair before helping her up in the chair. After taking their orders, he goes to the kitchen to make it.

Kia sits between Sakusa and Atsumu, while Bokuto and Hinata sit across them. Kia is busy chatting with the boys when Sakusa’s phone starts to ring so he checks it and see that you’re calling. He answers it and hands the phone to Kia.

“Mama!” Kia cheers. “Look! I’ve got new friends!” She shows Hinata and Bokuto on the screen, and your eyes widen. Bokuto quiets down and stares at you in shock as well.

“Akaashi’s cousin!” Bokuto says. “Kia is your daughter too? She’s Omi-kun’s daughter as well!” You chuckle awkwardly until they grey hair boy hits realization. “You said Kia’s father is dead!”

“I never said that!” You reply in defense. Upon hearing your exchange with Bokuto, Sakusa gets bothered. Did you really say he was dead to other people?

“Bokuto don’t shout at my mama like that!” Kia pouts. You call her and tells her to use polite terms with the three since they’re her uncles.

Atsumu laughs at your statement and his deep laugh catches you off guard. Kia shows herself in the camera again and Atsumu is seen too. “We’re at the age that we’re considered as uncles already, huh?”

“Yes, you are.” You clarify and Atsumu scoffs.

“I’m Miya Atsumu by the way,” he introduces and you introduce yourself back. The three of you, with Kia, continue to call as they wait for their food. Atsumu asks questions about you which is annoying Sakusa every time you answer it with ethusiasm. The food arrives so they say their goodbyes, then you end the call as soon as Atsumu says bye, not giving Sakusa the chance to talk to you.

“You can’t use spoon well yet?” Atsumu coos, taking Kia’s spoon. He feeds her as he eats as well, the irritation in Sakusa’s body growing even more.

After eating, it is time to say good bye. And Kia isn’t letting go of Atsumu.

“I wanna stay with you!” Kia cries, clinging onto Atsumu’s neck. Having enough of Kia being way too attached to Atsumu, Sakusa grabs Kia out of the blonde’s grasps, leaving her to cry. She throws punches on his chest which obviously has no effect, but she’s trying okay?

“He’s my papa! Not you!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[prev]  [next]

Random Facts:

Before Kia left for Osaka, Akaashi told her that Kiyoomi is her dad. She didn’t believe him.

Meian now has the baby fever.

Taglist:  @elianetsantana aoi-turtle ptv-hades  aquzairus a-applepi  justoneofthefangirls arianna-r13 morenabambinii

[inlovewiththefictionalcharacters]

SECOND CHANCE

CHAPTER - 1 : GARDNER

Pairing: (Dark) Andy Barber x Reader.

Warning(s): Non-Con; Dub-con; Slow-burn(Maybe); Possible Defending Jacob spoilers; Possessiveness; Grief; Angst; Any other possible warnings will be added in the future chapters.

Summary: Follow Andy’s journey after the horrible accident that turned his whole world upside down.

*****

Series Masterlist

*****

Never in his life did Andy thought he’ll go through what he did. His whole family and himself going through Jacob’s trial is one thing, but Laurie intentionally trying to take their son’s life by crashing the car to the side of the tunnel is another. He can’t even imagine why on earth did she even think that her son is capable of murdering someone. Sure, Jacob did do a lot of weird stuff that are not normally done by other teenagers. But he believed his son was innocent. And while his son was in coma, attached to IV’s, the woman who put his life in danger came out sustaining minimal injuries.

The events following that are even more ridiculous. No matter what Andy did, she always doubted him. He thought that he deserved it. After all, he did hid about his father from her and would have probably never told her about it if it wasn’t for Jacob’s trial. Andy was fine with her maintaining some distance from him after every thing that happened. After all, the distance was there between them and kept increasing during the trial. And then there was a lot of secrecy that confused him. They never maintained any secrets between them, well apart from Andy not telling her about his father. That really confused him. But what he couldn’t stand was the unbelievable hatred she’s got for Jacob and it kept growing each day. First, it was just her avoiding to look at any of Jacob’s pictures or things. He chalked it up to her feeling guilty about the accident. But then there was her literally just removing all the things that had any connection to Jacob and piling it up to one a corner in the room that those things were in. He didn’t understand why she did that. Not until one day he couldn’t find those things in those rooms anywhere and found them in trash, just as he found the baby pictures of Jacob in the trash can right before the car crash happened. And when he brought those things back inside their home and confronted Laurie about it, she just screamed at him, kept yelling at him that she didn’t want to see them anymore. It was during that time when she literally told him that she hates Jacob. Her own son. That she regrets giving birth to him and should have gotten rid of him like her friends told her to when Jacob was conceived. 

He can’t even fathom how a mother could hate her own son. And then she went on blaming Andy for everything that happened in their life. He tried taking her to therapy and even went to couples therapy with her, hoping to reduce the distance between them, but soon realized that nothing can fix things between them. Andy soon found out that one of the main reasons for the growing reasons between him and Laurie was the affair that Laurie’s been having  with some dude that kept visiting Newton frequently. He definitely didn’t peg Laurie for the cheating type, but oh well. 

But the final nail in the coffin was when Laurie tried to kill Jacob, again. He was visiting Jacob that day and Laurie insisted that she’ll tag along with him. Andy wasn’t up for it, but Laurie was persistent. Andy caved in and took her with him to the hospital. While Andy actually spent some time with Jacob in the unit, Laurie just stood outside the room, not even bothering to come. Then Andy went to talk to the doctor in-charge of Jacob’s treatment to check on the progress of Jacob’s health. When he returned, the sight in front of him chilled him to his bones. Jacob has his eyes closed and was struggling to breathe, his chest was moving frantically while Laurie just stared at him holding the oxygen mask he was wearing earlier, away from him.

“What are you doing?!” Andy growled at her, storming inside towards her while Laurie jumped and looked at him with wide eyes.

Hearing him, a nurse and doctor rushed in and helped Jacob breathe again and checked his vitals while Andy grabbed Laurie’s arm and dragged her away from his son. That was the final nail in the coffin. With some help from his previous employer, since he was still in her good books, Andy drew out a restraining order against Laurie for Jacob and also signed the divorce papers, also stating that he wanted to get full custody of Jacob. He had stayed in Newton till the divorce was finalized and also got full custody of Jacob since Laurie wanted to do nothing to do with the kid which made it easier. The house was sold too and he didn’t bother packing anything that Laurie had any input on. He just packed all of his stuff and Jacob’s sold some stuff and then gave some to charity and then moved to a place where all the ruckus and the media circus was far less. He wanted to live in peace and hopefully, Jacob will heal in time. He hoped that Jacob will be all good and healed in no time but the progress on his part is way less.

*****

It was another day spent working in the little bakery that Y/N owned. Y/N was truly lucky to find Gardner of all places to settle down for now. And she was even more lucky to find this gem of a bakery that was on sale. She literally placed almost all of her savings on it and didn’t regret it one bit about it in the past 3 years. The sales were good and the staff of 4 that worked in shifts were also good and understanding, never making a mess about things. They were like her second family and were there for her when things got a bit overwhelming. She hated dumping her stuff on them but they lived in a community and most were practically a few streets down from where she lived. 

It was a few minutes past 3 in the afternoon and Y/N looked at her watch and cussed.

“Damn, I’m getting late today...” she muttered and looked up at the older woman who was one of the staff.

“Agatha, could you mind taking over for today? Charlotte is closing today and I have to go... I made a promise...” Y/N started and the older woman just her off.

“Just go on child. Don’t worry. Char and I will look over the place. You stay safe on your way” she told her.

Y/N smiled gratefully at her, grabbed her purse and dashed outside. 

By the time she reached home, she sighed in relief and jogged towards the threshold, unlocked the door and walked inside, closing the door behind her. Walking into the living room, a smile broke on her face at the sight in front of her.

“MAMA!” a voice yelled enthusiastically upon her entering the living room.

Y/N crouched down as the toddler ran towards her as quickly as her little feet can take her and she wrapped her arms arounds Y/N’s neck.

“Hi baby!” Y/N cooed as she pressed kisses on the hair and forehead of the little toddler.

“Hi mama! I vuv you!” the little being said.

Y/N’s gaze then landed on Elie who was babysitting her little girl and smiled at her which was returned. The teenager has also been a savior babysitting the little girl whenever Y/N asked her too.

Y/N then looked at Ada, her little girl and told her “Baby, why don’t you go and get your things while mommy speaks to Elie?”

Ada nodded her head and quickly dashed towards the huge box of toys that she has. Y/N then looked at Elie and sighed.

“God, Elie. You are literally my savior, have I ever told you that?” she asked.

Elie grinned and replied “I think you might have mentioned it a time or two, but meh. Ada is the sweetest, and the most easiest to deal with. And I love hanging out with her.”

Y/N smiled gratefully. She still couldn’t understand how she got this much lucky with everything. She then pulled out thirty dollars out of her purse and handed them to Elie, who took them and bid goodbye for the day. Just then Ada ran towards her, with a few of her stuffies.

“Mama! Tea pawty!” Ada yelled enthusiastically. 

Y/N chuckled and grabbed a blanket along with a few of Ada’s stuff for the tea party with her stuffies and the two of them walked outside towards the tiny lawn they had. After setting all the things down, she sat down with Ada and was busy playing with her when the movement of a truck got her attention which was following a sleek black Audi that stopped in front of the house beside theirs. It used to be empty, but Y/N heard from Mrs. Williams that the previous owners have finally sold it to someone, but Mrs. Williams didn’t know any details about the new owner. 

Y/N saw the the truck stop behind the car and the packers and movers immediately opened the back of the truck, carefully moving all the stuff out and to the inside of the house while a guy got out of the car and lead them inside. From what she could see, he’s tall and got dark hair. While Y/N was looking at all the movement that was happening, little Ada’s gaze was transfixed at the sleek black Audi. The little girl, according to Y/N has an unhealthy obsession with cars, way more obsession that what a normal toddler has. 

“Look, mama! Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” Ada said, prolonging the R, making Y/N look at her and giggle. 

She could literally see Ada’s eyes glowing while staring at the car and Y/N shook her head in amusement. Unbeknownst to them, the owner of the said car suddenly turned his attention towards his new neighbors and caught the cute little girl’s gaze on his car and a small smile grazed his lips.

[metalbvcky]

Back in May, I made my first Stucky Ficrec post and months later, I’ve decided to make another since this fandom is hella talented. There’s a little over two dozen fics down below ranging from 10k-100k+ and everything’s categorized.

Do note that lot of these are Modern AU’s (I love those) and most of them are smutty. (yes hello, an asexual here who enjoys smut so very much) Also heed the tags once you click the link(s). Other than that, enjoy!!!

Key:  ♥ = My personal favorites, S = Smut, DS = Dom/Sub

a) CANON UNIVERSE

If You're Reading This, Steve Rogers by fallendarlings Words: 39,273 | Post/Canon Divergence 2012 Avengers/TWS, Recovery, Slow Burn

Nobody tells Steve it's okay to cry.

Nobody touches him.

Nobody remembers Steve Rogers is a person under the mantle. It's okay. He hasn't felt like a person since he watched Bucky fall.

don't threaten me with a good time ♥ by canistakahari - Words 10,106 | Post-TWS, Sick!Fic, Sick!Bucky, Cabin Fic

Steve's taken him on vacation to a cabin in Canada in the middle of winter, so it's obviously the perfect time for his body to go haywire. Bucky is determined to stick it out, though, partly because he's a stubborn bastard, but mostly because he feels some kinda way about Steve.

Higher Ground by EmilianaDarling - Words: 13,002 | Post-TWS, S, DS (undertones), Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

“S’okay,” Bucky murmurs quietly, and Steve sucks in a sharp breath at the brush of Bucky’s lips against his ear, his breath hot against the side of Steve’s neck. There’s a hint of a grin in Bucky’s voice; amused affection and confidence and something heated beneath it all, a familiar tone from so long ago that makes Steve’s heart clench and his cock twitch helplessly in his jeans.

“S’okay, Stevie,” he says again, and Steve can feel the curl of Bucky’s lips against his throat when he smiles. His metal thumb is rubbing circles on Steve’s shoulder. “M’gonna take care of you.”

A year and a half after the events of The Winter Soldier, Steve's been acting recklessly. Bucky deals with it as best he can.

The Simple Life ♥ from The Simple Life Series by howler32557038 - Words: 114,329 (Series Total: 337,273 + ongoing) | Canon Universe, MPreg, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

"The simple life."

"You'll get there one day."

"I don't know. Family, stability...The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out."

Bucky wants to be part of Steve's life. He wants to be an Avenger. He wants to be a good partner. Unfortunately, sometimes that means not telling Steve everything.

a road less traveled by Claudia_flies, cyclamental art (cyclamental),maichan, zilia - Words: 75,396 | 2012 Timeline AU, Post-Avengers 2012 (Endgame Divergence), Domestic Avengers, Recovering!Bucky

Steve wakes up on the cold stone floor of the foyer. He scrambles up; there’s glass shards everywhere and they crunch under his gloved hands. People are staring, holding themselves back. They must have seen the fight, must have seen two of him.

His own voice rings in his head.

“Bucky is alive!”

Kept Safe by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 54,419 | S, DS, BDSM

Steve and Bucky are friends. Best Friends. If asked, Bucky would say he knows absolutely everything about Steve. Except when it comes to sex. Steve lives such a monastic existence that Bucky doesn't know if he likes girls, boys, or none of the above. For all he knows, Steve may have no interest in sex whatsoever.

But then a mission goes wrong, Steve is bleeding out from a wound to the femoral artery and Bucky is trying to stop the bleeding when his hand brushes against metal. Where there most definitely shouldn't be metal. Or a padlock. And most definitely not a torturously small cage.

48 hours by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 25,894 | Post-CW, S, DS, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

Steve is keeping it together. No one would say he's keeping it together well, but he's getting by. Mission after mission, he goes back to his apartment in Wakanda and breaks down. Then he watches Bucky sleep and tries to not notice how everyone looks at him like he's the saddest bastard that ever lived.

But, this time is different. This time, Steve goes back to his apartment post-mission and Bucky is awake, out of cryo and making them dinner in Steve's kitchen. The breakdown is still happening. Bucky isn't pleased, but he does have a plan. For 48 hours after every mission, Steve is going to let Bucky take care of him or he's going to be on Steve's next mission. He can't risk losing Bucky again. Which should make the decision simple.

It isn't simple.

The Sex Therapist ♥ by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 179,941 | S, DS, DKink, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve, Current/Past Steve/Sharon

Sharon has given him an ultimatum- either go to sex therapy or it's over. Sex therapy sounds like normal therapy but more humiliating and expensive. It's total BS. He will go because she's making him, but he will also make everyone's lives miserable (Yeah, including his own) and never return again.

Do they have a lot of sex? No. Does Sharon want more sex? Yes. Does Steve do his best? Yeah, actually, he does. He can get it up, he just needs time. Alone. There's... preparation involved. It's not like one just 'is' aroused.

He can't explain it. And he won't. He definitely won't tell Bucky what exactly he thinks about to get worked up enough to screw his girlfriend.

Found My Place in Time - Cap_D, humapuma - Words: 12,492 | Post-EG (Divergence, duh) S, Fluff, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

“Buck,” he heard Steve say, “wake up. We’re here.” Bucky opened his eyes and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension out of his back. When Steve’s words sunk in, though, he turned and leaned forward, staring past Steve’s chest to look out the window. Beyond the wing of the plane, he found a beautiful coastline with white sand, blue waters, and palm trees, as well as rows of bungalows on the water. “Wow,” he murmured. “We’re staying in one of those, right?”

In which Steve invites Bucky on a trip to Fiji and they discover something a lot more than beautiful vistas and friendly locals.

Total Institution ♥ from the Institutions of Love and Incarceration series by thelittlestpurplecat - Words: 94,303 | Canon Universe AU, Prison!AU, Guard!Steve, Prisoner!Bucky, Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, WS Trial

The Winter Soldier has been sentenced to life without parol. His entire world had been condensed to a hot, cramped cell that he hasn't seen the outside of in the four years since his apprehension. It's hell. He has no means of escape, no means of terminating his suffering, and no means of distraction...that is, until he's assigned a new guard. Steve Rogers is assigned the Winter Soldier as his singular charge. He expects a sadistic, violent murderer. What he finds instead is a broken, tormented man with no memory of his past life, and no control over what had been done to him. He's a victim. Not a monster. And Steve won't stand to see him pay for crimes over which he had no control.

Raise Your Glass by minkeys - Words: 10,008 | Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve, Light DS, S, DKink

Bucky knows Steve in ways that his 21st century friends could never even begin to imagine. Or at least, they couldn't until tonight. It's about time somebody corrected all those historians that painted Steve as a straight-laced, God-fearing soldier, and what better way to do it than over a harmless game of "Never Have I Ever." What's the worst that could be said?

b) SHRUNKYCLUNKS

Waking Up Slow ♥ by odetteandodile - Words: 44,638 | Dad!Bucky, Kid!Fic, Hurt/Comfort

In 1945 Steve Rogers crashed the Valkyrie into the Arctic Ocean and was never recovered.

In 2019 Bucky Barnes is walking along the beach below the decommissioned lighthouse where he lives with his sixteen month old daughter when he finds the body of a man washed up in the surf, half frozen but miraculously alive.

Bucky manages to revive him, but finds that the stranger has no memory of who he is or how he got here aside from a name: Steve. Snowed in by a blizzard soon after and unable to get Steve a medevac, Bucky discovers that the funny, good-hearted man slips into the fabric of his and Alice’s life faster than he would have thought possible. The two are undeniably drawn to each other, but as their feelings grow so does the looming possibility that the answer to the question “who is Steve?” might be much more complicated than either of them realized.

Isn't It Ironic? (Don't You Think?) ♥ by HeyBoy, Huntress79, imhereforgaysuperheroes - Words: 33,342 |  Jewish, Dad!Bucky, Kid!Fic

Bucky is used to his daughter bursting into tears in the middle of department stores. What he isn't used to is someone braving the wails and actually being able to stop Becca's tantrum in its tracks. Oh, and he's also not used to that someone being Captain America.

AKA, how Steve Rogers calms a screaming kid in Target and falls in love with two more Barneses than he had bargained for.

in my condition love's the best physician by aniloquent - Words: 9,177 | Pharmacy!AU, Russian!Bucky

“This situation is a little more delicate because I don't even know if he speaks English and I'm tired of going down to the pharmacy for constipation medication and allergy pills when I haven't sneezed since 1941.” Steve shouts.

The room falls silent, and he turns back around to find four pairs of stunned eyes watching him.

Tony, as always, speaks first. “He?”

Or the one where Bucky is a hot pharmacist and Steve keeps making up bullshit reasons to go see him.

c) MODERN AU

Home Is Wherever I'm With You ♥ by cydonic  - Words: 88,570 | Neighbors!AU, Slow Burn, Parent!Steve, Kid!Fic

This is what happens when you buy a house to flip having only seen the online images: you get more than you bargained for. Bucky Barnes brings all the tools to handle a dilapidated home, but he's hardly prepared for a smart-mouthed child (with poor aim), a crying baby, and the hottest dad he's ever seen in his life living right next door.

That House-Flipper!AU.

if only you could see me (for the pie that i am) ♥ by bitelikefire (theoleo) | Words: 35,121 | Baker!Steve, WeddingPlanner!Bucky

In which Steve is the proud owner of Frost; a semi famous local bakery in D.C. And despite the overwhelming insistence that it’s about time he start dating, Steve swears up and down he isn’t ready for that.

Or as of recently, just doesn’t have the time because of Mr. Barnes. The highly demanding wedding planner on the phone who keeps asking for nearly impossible deliveries and maybe Steve would like to personally strangle him. Maybe.

(There is pie. And misunderstandings. But a lot more desserts and eye rolls.)

So Alive ♥ from the Brooklyn Heights Books Series by GottaSaveBucky (Cosmic_Entity_1of4) - Words: 109,074 (Series Total: 165,440 + ongoing) | Bookstore!AU (sort of), Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky, DKink

A man wearing a light denim jacket over a dark blue shirt came into the shop, a box tucked under his right arm. Despite it being late afternoon, he was wearing sunglasses with bright blue lenses, and his long, dark hair was pulled back in a messy little bun. A few strands had escaped, framing his strong, unshaven jawline. The man looked into the café, smiled widely, and waved in Clint’s direction as he kept walking into the bookstore, and Steve’s mouth went completely dry.

Beautiful, was the only word to describe that smile; straight, white teeth framed by full, lush, red lips, bracketed by laugh lines and an adorable dimple in his right cheek, a charming little chin cleft just visible under the light stubble—Steve was struck literally speechless. And that was before he got a glimpse of the man’s backside. Slim hips and a round, firm-looking ass led to long, lean legs that were encased in snug, dark blue jeans.

“Guh,” Steve said, watching the dark-haired man continue on to the back of the store.

The Penthouse Suite ♥ by elle1991 - Words: 15,873 | S, DS, BSDM, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky, Happy Ending

Bucky Barnes has the chance to earn $5,000 in one night. All he has to do is go to the penthouse suite of a luxury hotel and spend the night with his client, one enigmatic Steve Rogers.

The catch? Steve is a massive pervert, intent on using this one night to satisfy every single one of his many debauched kinks.

Even ignoring the big box of sex toys on the bed, Bucky should have known he was in trouble the moment Steve opened his mouth and said his first words: "My name is Steve Rogers, but you can call me Sir..."

Burnin' For You by GoldBlooded - Words: 15,753 | Firefighter!Steve, Detective!Bucky, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

Steve Rogers is Fire Captain of Brooklyn’s very busy Station 118. He wants three things out of life: People he can count on, for everyone to get through their shifts safe and sound, and for Sergeant James Barnes to get the hell off of his arson scene.

James Barnes is Detective Sergeant of Brooklyn’s very busy 107th Precinct. He wants three things out of life: A decent cup of coffee, good leads to chase, and for Captain Steven Rogers to get the hell off of his arson scene.

Everyone knows to steer clear when these two have to deal with each other. Everyone knows about their mutual dislike and sometimes hatred. But what everyone doesn't know? How they got to be like that in the first place.

Collar Full of Chemistry ♥ from the Rich People Are Wild Series by 2bestfriends - Words: 188,437 (Series Total: 219,519) | Heavy BDSM, DS, S, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

Steve is very rich and desperate to feel in control of his life again after a recent divorce has left him feeling bitter and lonely. When he keeps crossing paths with a disaster twenty-something, an unconventional solution presents itself. Steve's always been one for following his instincts.

Bucky is very broke and can't seem to catch a break, especially after some asshole fires him for one fucking mistake. So of course, it follows that he should sign a contract agreeing to do everything and anything that same asshole wants for a whole year in exchange for a payout that could finally change his life for the better.

Toothpaste Kisses ♥ by buckybees - Words: 18,736 | Dentist!Steve, Patient!Bucky, Amputee!Bucky

Sitting in the horribly antiseptic gateway to hell, otherwise known as the waiting room, Bucky was deeply reassessing his life choices. Maybe if he didn’t eat ice cream for every meal this wouldn’t have happened.

Steve's a dentist, Bucky's a patient. You know the drill.

Out of the Blue ♥ by IsabellaJack - Words: 37,564 | PreSerum!Steve, Detective!Bucky (and Sam!), Mystery!Fic

“Does she have family?” Barnes asks again.

Steve tries to remember. “I don’t know.”

“You sing her praises and don’t know a simple info like that?” Barnes huffs, looking irritated.

Love Is An Ocean Wide by fancyh - Words: 29,009 | Shapeshifter!AU, Orca!Bucky, Marine Biologist!Steve

When marine biologist Steve Rogers helps to rescue an injured orca from the marine traffickers Hydra, he has no idea how his life will change. Once rehabilitated, the orca is released and disappears, and a despondent Steve throws himself into his work, only to feel a spark when a new volunteer arrives, a man with one arm and curiously familiar blue eyes.

Bucky has lived in the ocean his whole life. But when his family is killed and his sister captured by Hydra, he is forced to turn to humans for help. One human in particular intrigues him, a man by the name of Steve. As Bucky comes ashore to search for his sister, he finds himself falling for the man, but dangerous secrets still stand between them.

Includes clueless-about-humans Bucky, heart-eyes-Steve, and lots of Very Important rocks.

Innocent Until ♥ by L1av - Words: 136,866 | Lawyer!Bucky, Defendant!Steve, DS, BDSM, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

Bucky Barnes made a name for himself as the attorney who could get anyone off, but he still lives by the saying, "Innocent until proven guilty." Steve Rogers finds himself on trial for multiple homicides but he swears he was only trying to protect a girl. Bucky's been in this business long enough to know when someone's innocent, and Steve is innocent. Steve already feels like a monster and Bucky's worried this guy's going to lay himself on the sword come his trial. So Bucky offers up another course for punishment:

Turns out, chains and whips really excite Steve.

Brooklyn Syndrome ♥ by lordelannette - Words: 158,350 | DARKFIC, Dark!Steve (VERY DARK, heed the tags, you have been warned) Doctor!Steve, Writer!Bucky, Kidnapping, Slow Burn, Graphic Violence

Bucky's back was pressed against the cold floor and he stared through blurry eyes as Steve stood over him. He was trying to push himself as far away as he could, using his hands and bare feet to slide himself out from between Steve's legs but he couldn't find purchase against the wooden floor. Steve's legs were locked on both sides of his hips and Bucky couldn't move, couldn't get away, and the room was swimming before his eyes and he couldn't focus, couldn't think straight. All he could make out was the hazy figure of Steve towering over him and he lifted his arm to push uselessly at Steve's shin.

"P-please," Bucky whispered. His voice was weak, like him, and his jaw trembled as Steve reached down.

Steve slid down onto the floor and effortlessly gathered him into his strong arms, cradling Bucky to his chest as he leaned against the wall. "Bucky," Steve breathed. One of his large hands slid gently into Bucky's hair, the other curving against his spine and pulling him even closer. "You're mine now, remember?"

Steve's grip tightened then it all went black.

lay me down (tell me i've been found) by coffeeinallcaps - Words: 25,188 | Modern!AU, DS, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

The collar is a little on the heavy side, and incredibly soft against Bucky's skin. Even softer than he thought it would be. It seems to fit snugly, and for a second he feels like he can't breathe. Then, Steve slides two fingers under the collar and runs them along the inside, almost all the way around. Bucky shivers. Goose bumps spread down his back, his arms. "How does it feel?" Steve murmurs, hooking his fingers into the ring and giving a gentle tug on it. Bucky swallows. Nods.

(In which billionaire businessman Steve shows up and turns Bucky's life into an improbable fantasy.)

All Those Things You've Always Pined For by LavenderProse - Words: 92,142 | Family Man (2000) aka the Nicholas Cage movie AU, Domestic, Kid!Fic, PreSerum!Steve

“Steve Rogers. I haven’t thought about him in…God, at least ten years. Probably longer." “Who is he?” Sharon asks, and perches on the corner of his desk, hands folded in her lap. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bucky clears his throat, tosses the sticky note onto the desk. “Steve was…my college boyfriend. We almost got married.”

It's been fifteen years since Bucky Barnes left Steve Rogers standing in a New York airport and never saw him again. Those fifteen years have brought him wealth and stability; everything his lower middle class Brooklyn upbringing had not provided. He is happy. He doesn't want for anything. He doesn't need anything. That's about to change.

Karma's A Fake Orgasm ♥ by daisymondays - Words: 51,637 | College!AU, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Slow Burn

There’s another abandoned mug, festering with mould in the living room — Steve offically has the world's worst roommates. And complains about them. Often. Bucky, tired of his lack of action, decides it’s time to avenge Steve's sleepless nights and unsanitary conditions once and for all. They’ll pretend to be the world’s most annoying couple: excessive PDA, loud fake sex, and general repugnance. The plan sounds easy enough; it will be strictly platonic. Or will it?

I'll Be Your Shield by 17 pansies (17pansies) - Words: 23,332 | Bodyguard!Steve, Rich!Bucky, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

"If he's just minor nobility, why does he need a bodyguard?" Steve shoved the folder which held Barnes' details towards the middle of the table. "He's not exactly prime kidnap material."

"His parents aren't worried about kidnapping," Fury said. "They need someone to steer him away from the dumb ass situations he keeps getting into."

"You mean he needs a babysitter." Steve sat back and folded his arms. "Seriously."

I think this is a pretty diverse list :) There’s a good sample of everything here, some old fashioned post TWS recovery fics, some good dom steve/bucky, slow burns, fake pretend relationships and so forth!

PS: I’m on AO3 with more bookmarks plus my own hurt/comfort fics if anyone is interested :P

[zigtheeortega]

For the past six months, @pixeljazzy​ and I have been working on a playlist we felt could top last year’s, which was so well received! 

We’ve broken it up into sections by individual love interests, multiple love interests, main character, and miscellaneous, which includes side characters, general vibes, etc. Underneath each song are lyrics we believed stood out to us along with explanations as to why we chose it. Like last year, the [p] is for PJ and [j] is for Jade.

Here’s the link to the playlist on Spotify, but we’ve individually linked the songs with each explanation as well!

We sincerely hope you enjoy our 2021 RODAW Playlist! 

The Bay, Soft Glas. ft. Mulherin [j]

Leaving you alone is too hard (hard, hard) / I just never know where to start (with you)

I'm not used to leaving someone broken hearted / That might be what really makes this hard (It's hard) / I've never been with anyone this long / If I did it, I really miss you

The softness and apologetic tone of the song reminds me of Logan through and through. He’s so regretful for what he put MC through, both at the beginning when he was lying to her, and by the end when he thinks he’s ruined her life by simply being a criminal and dating her. And by leaving her he’s leaving the one person who’s loved him unconditionally and stuck with him through it all.

Call Me, Nav [j]

They taught me, "Don't forget where you came from" / I regret what I came from

Do you know how it feel to feel alone? / Bought myself a house, to feel like I ain't home / Driving by myself, ain't got nowhere to go / Are you really here for me, I don't know

I hope you mean everything that you told me / I'll try to come back to you, girl, I'm sorry / If you miss me, just call me

This song honestly reminded me of Logan’s backstory that we don’t know much of, besides the fact that he was thrust into a life of crime as a teen and as an adult he hates it. The other lyrics I added are kind of a glimpse into the future I think – wherever Logan is, whatever he’s doing, if he’s not with MC, the woman he loves, everything he accomplishes is gonna feel hollow. And despite him saying that he was leaving to protect her, I know in his heart he’d want her to find her way back to him.

Cold Case Love, Rihanna [p]

I’m torn apart and you know / What you did to me was a crime

We opened up a cold case love / And it got the best of us / And now prints, pictures, and white outlines / Are all that’s left at the scene of a crime / Of a cold case love

The first line reminded me of how MC probably felt after being betrayed by Logan, the one that was arguably supposed to be the closest to them, and then the second lyric is because at the time, MC left and that was the last Logan knew of them with nothing to stand for what they used to have until they eventually came back to help save the crew.

Compass, The Neighbourhood [j]

If I don't have you with me, I'm alone / You know I never know which way to go / I think I need you with me for all-time / When I need new direction for my mind

I've got something to confess / I keep you in my pocket to use / You're my only compass / I might get lost without you / (Could you tell me where to go?)

You're always there to help me when I'm down / I'm lucky you've been keeping me around / You're the star I look for every night / When it's dark, you'll stick right by my side

Like a magnet / Hard to imagine ever changing / Can't help that I'm attracted to you, I am / Could you keep on guiding me? Please

This is a quintessential Logan song – reading these lyrics, it’s like Logan spoke them himself to MC, and that’s why I included so much of the song. All of these remind me of him and his hopeless romanticism, but specifically the line about her being the star he looks for every night? Absolutely perfect. This entire song is like a love letter from Logan to MC.

Don’t Leave Me, Blackstreet [p]

I’m searching for the words to make you realize / That I really, really want you to stay

Don’t leave, don’t leave me girl

This song was giving me Logan vibes from the diamond scene where he’s like “I can’t believe I love someone” and MC is like “you don’t get to say that to me” or some shit like that because he’s trying soo so hard to explain himself to her and to make her not hate him.

Imma Dog, Ugly God ft. PnB Rock [j]

You say you love me, shawty, tell me why / 'Cause I'm a dog and I'ma probably be this way until I die / You say you always gon' be by my side / You say you trust me with your heart and I swear, I just wonder why

Okay, hear me out, I forreal have reasons for this to be tied to Logan. The only verse in this song that’s a non chorus one is related to cheating, but I’m choosing to ignore that for the sake of the chorus. I heard the chorus for the first time and it made me think of one specific moment and point in time in Ride or Die. These lyrics remind me of Logan’s attitude when he was being mean and pretending to be annoyed by MC to get her off of him – despite the facade he’s still in awe of the way she trusts him and cares about him even when he’s treating her like garbage.

Life’s a Mess, Juice WRLD ft. Halsey [p]

Uh, sometimes life’s a mess

Lookin’ for somethin’ real, then I found it

I’m too flawed to hold you down, but / Don’t wanna be here alone

Logan knows all too well how much of a mess life really is (first lyric), and the second lyric is basically what I think he feels about MC. He told MC in the beginning that he doesn’t really stay with crews or trust anyone but himself, but MC was that exception before the rest of the crew became that exception too. And then the third lyric is because Logan looks at himself as someone who probably doesn’t deserve MC, Vaughn even said he was morally obligated to tell MC that she’s too good for his cousin (yes it was a joke (was it) but it fits), but he still wants her anyway (“Look at you...then look at me. You’re going to be valedictorian. I never even went to high school...I don’t have anything, and I wasn’t anybody, and I knew that. I always knew that….Some part of me really wants you to mess things up for me.” - Logan, Ch. 3).

Unfair, 6lack [p]

Hope my mistakes don’t make me less of a man / ‘cause lately it feel like them shits really can / I’m prayin’ I don’t wake up all alone

But know I’m stuck between / What I love and who I love and / I know it’s unfair

The first lyric I feel like is pretty self-explanatory as Logan expresses remorse for his actions (him acting weird and tryna tell MC about his dishonesty in the club, him making the effort to apologize or explain in the diamond scene after the reveal) and it especially hits if your MC is romancing Logan because he doesn’t want to lose them. As for the second lyric, I was thinking about how he was probably stuck between doing what’s best for the crew and doing right by MC

While We’re Young, Jhene Aiko [j]

Baby while we're young / I think we should do something crazy / Like say, "Fuck everyone" / And just run away from the daily routine

I'm tellin' everybody you're mine and I like it / And I really hope you don't mind, I can't fight it

'Cause it's been another perfect day with ya / Wanna lay with ya / Spend the night with ya / Then spend my life with ya, alright

I'll go everywhere you go / You know I'll go, I'll go / Everywhere you go

I'm giving you my heart, please don't break it / Take it and lock it up and put me in your pocket, love

This reminds me of Logan and MC’s brand of romance that’s sweet and clumsy and a little bit reckless when it really gets going. They’re both cautious but they fantasize about throwing caution to the wind even more than they already have.

Angel With A Shotgun, The Cab [p]

I don’t care if heaven won’t take me back / I’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe

Sometimes to win, you have to sin

And I want to live, not just survive

Lemme explain because I feel like people may think this song is really really out there for Colt but I was listening to this song one day and thought of him, esp the last two lines I chose: I think of how Colt came up with the kidnapping plan and how it was so crazy because it was like wow he really was ready for murder if it came down to it, but Colt was basically like we need to do something big to outsmart them or else we’ll just be doing shit for them forever (‘sometimes to win, you have to sin’).

Born 2 Be Great, Lil Tjay [p]

I was born to be great / And I won’t let nobody tell me I ain’t / And I can’t stop, won’t stop

Growin’ up, I’m gettin’ old, start settin’ goals / Tryna make more money off my business and shows / And everybody gon’ hate, I’m great, I know / Everybody can hate, I’m great, I know

These lyrics just scream COLT to me all the way. He knows and believes he’s destined for greatness no matter what path he chooses because no matter what he does, he’s gonna succeed in the end. “I can’t stop, won’t stop” reminds me of how Kaneko wanted Colt to choose for himself what he wanted to do, and even though Kaneko tried to shield Colt away from the family business, that’s where Colt wanted to be. The second lyric is essentially Colt just knowing he’s gonna make money and that he won’t be liked (hated by other crews, police, etc.), but that won’t matter because he’s great nevertheless.

Chandelier, B.o.B ft. Lauriana Mae [p]

They say life’s about choices / In the face of defeat I declined / Put your soul into everything, never back down / That’s how you leave a legacy behind

Let my blood keep pumping, my heart keep beating / Shining like a chandelier

Making something out of absolutely nothing / That’s the definition of a survivor

Colt definitely felt ‘put your soul into everything, never back down / that’s how you leave a legacy behind’ because of how much he focuses on carrying on what his family has built, and taking all the risks necessary to keep that legacy alive and make a name for himself. I put ‘shining like a chandelier’ because that’s how bright Colt shines, as I believe he’s destined for greatness and wouldn’t allow himself to achieve anything but.

Down Bad, Real Recognize Rio [j]

I've been out of my head for a couple minutes, for a couple miles / Made the hair stand up on my neck / On a knife edge, comin' at me for my crimes / Got a mind that can leave you locked inside

'Cause you got me down bad, down bad, your deep desire / Carve my name on your soul, then I walk through the fire / Your voice so clear, like you say my name / You got mе runnin' for my life like this shit was a game / Got mе down bad, down bad to feel your touch

This song reminds me of Colt specifically during the gambling scene when he got shot and the last car chase scene, because MC is put in serious danger but it does nothing to shake her love for Colt. She’s scared for her life and her future but she’s still willing to put everything on the line for him and MPC.

Forever Ever, Trippie Redd ft. Young Thug [p]

You gon’ really have to hold me fuckin’ down, babe / ‘Cause I ain’t with the fuckery, that playing ‘round, babe

We Bonnie and Clyde but except the shots

He don’t love you like he should, I can love you better

First and second lyric are because they’re a team, and Colt sees MC as his right hand. In the life he lives, the people on his team gotta be down fr because there’s always a lot at stake. The last lyric is more conditional, as I feel like this could be him if MC was also romancing Logan because in the reveal, Colt’s like you deserved to know and in the car in the chapter afterwards that’s when he’s like bro we could run this whole shit etc. etc.

Impala, O2worldwide [j]

I been watching you from a distance / Sitting back and acknowledging your existence / I made a couple songs but you'll probably never listen / Shooting my shot but i'm always fucking missing / Setting my ego aside / Me and you can go together just like Bonnie and Clyde / I've been tripping over you just like my shoes is untied / And I tried to hit you up its like my confidence died but

I see you everyday but don't past corners of eyes / I'm just gonna act like I didn't see you close to that guy / Not gonna lie you got me head over ears / I'm tryna find love because I don't know just how it feels

Anyone listening to this and reading the lyrics is going to hate me because… is this the perfect “Colt pining for MC because she’s getting close to Logan” Love Triangle song, or what? I listen to this song so casually most of the time that I forget how sad the lyrics actually are. The first couple verses (not the third verse) fit the narrative so well. A lot of my favorite “Colt” songs aren’t ones where they’re outwardly admitting any kind of affection for MC – they’re the ones where it reads as Colt struggling with their feelings for MC and how to express them.

PTSD, G Herbo ft. Juice WRLD, Lil Uzi Vert, and Chance the Rapper [p]

I don’t belong, I see my past everywhere

I got a war zone on inside of my head

A million dollars ahead, I’m still angry and seeing red

I’m too paranoid, I make sure all my opps, they bled

This song always guts me because G Herbo is talking about all the people he’s lost, and for Colt, I imagined this was probably him after losing his father. Reminded of his past when he saw the remains of the shop, reminded of his past every time after that probably when he was rebuilding the shop. As for the million dollars, it’s like he could pull off as many heists as he could but he would never be satisfied until Brotherhood paid, hence the last lyric because honestly I don’t think it’s over until Shaw is dead (ik there’s a line in ROD where he’s like if we were even, he’d be dead, I just know it).

Sun God, Trippie Redd [j]

Went out my way just to love you / Right at the top, no above you / Right off the top, know I trust you / Ready or not, here I come, boo / And baby, you're hot, like the sun, too / Not too hot for me, no I'm sun-proof / Follow your lead, I'ma come through / Just you and me, baby, one-two

I think this is Colt way farther down the line if MC had the chance to really fall in love with him. He’s the type to value trust and loyalty in a bond more than anything else because he doesn’t do either of those easily at all. And I think that the line about being sun-proof is a cute callback to a lot of the fandom comparisons of Colt and Icarus – the title too and the lyrics just scream Colt to me.

Where Does The Love Go?, Maria Isabel [j]

Nightly negotiations with the moon, whoever's listening / All the miles between us got me messed up, got me trippin'

They say lovin' is easy / But not when one of us is leaving

Back on a plane / Two different coasts / When we're alone / Where does the love go? / What if you go / Forget the way home? / Running in circles but never together / So where does the love go?

The more I listen to this song the more I think this song is about Colt and MC. Colt’s not a clingy type in the slightest, but there’s no doubt in my mind that deeper into the relationship, both Colt and MC would have some doubts – the reason I say this is because I’m viewing the lyrics through the lens of Colt and MC doing long distance while MC is in college on the East Coast. This whole song is long distance relationship anxiety summed up perfectly and it’s so Colt.

Yellow Lights, 24kGoldn [p]

Don’t want no yellow light / don’t want no mixed message

For the crown, ‘cause we could achieve it

Love you now, but don’t you deceive me

Second lyric resonated with me esp because of that line in the book where he’s like “But the two of us? We put our brains together, you and me could run this whole town” so he knows he could achieve an empire with MC by his side. Last lyric is because Colt definitely doesn’t trust those around him and for those that he does trust, that trust doesn’t come easy. So MC, who managed to get past that, is loved, but would automatically lose a lot if she deceived him (now imagine….snitch MC? This line would hit a lot more because she ends up deceiving him so like he had a right to be wary of her holding his heart (like if we’re looking at the pov of him saying this lyric)).

Can’t Love, Trippie Redd [p]

She say she love me, I think she love me not / She say she love me, I know she love me not

How could you do this to me? / Yeah, yeah, I thought you, I thought you loved

Another Mona and her ex song teehee but I’m imagining this from Mona’s pov while she’s in jail like wow that girl never loved me like she said she loved me (first lyric) and how could she betray me like this (second lyric).

Favorite Mistake, Giveon [p]

Is my secret safe? / Safe with just you and me / We can’t leave a trace / This is my favorite mistake

Look in my eyes / Do you mind the lies? Do you feel alive?

Even when you’re gone / The feeling just grow stronger / Should leave it alone / But you’re getting closer

So I finally did a Mona route and GOD yes this song is about cheating (Mona and Hieron can’t relate) but we gon ignore that and just focus on these lyrics specifically because wow they really hit me like Mona for one was in denial of her feelings for MC from the jump and at some point she’s like god this is so ridiculous I can’t believe I’m feeling this way again so ofc she doesn’t want people to know she’s in love (like that time Toby is like man she is NOT happy about liking you! in the club scene) hence the beginning of the first lyric but at the same time….. she’s in love… so “this is my favorite mistake.” As for the second and third, the lies are that “I don’t like you” ra ra ra she’s only fooling herself and then it’s like yeah she knows her feelings are dumb but she can’t help but fall for MC anyway <3

Gonna Love Me, Teyana Taylor [p]

Sometimes we say things that we really don’t mean / We do things in between the lines

Please wait up for me ‘til whenever I get home / I know that you’re all alone / Thinking ‘bout what you’re gon’ do / I hope that you see it through, ooh, ooh

Why is it so hard to keep in touch

For the first lyric, I was thinking of the time MC says “Being with you makes a difference to me. It feels safer” and Mona replies that “It’s just an illusion. A blanket. And I’ve told you before not to count on me.” Yeah she said that wit her chest but ik she knows it’s more than that for the both of them. The second and third lyric both have to do with her being in jail by the end of the book (making it literally hard to keep in touch), and even though she tells MC not to wait up, a part of me thinks the vulnerable part of Mona would’ve hoped at least a smidge that MC would, and the last bit ‘thinking ‘bout what you’re gon’ do / I hope that you see it through’ reminds me of the advice in the diamond scene of driving Mona to the hospital that she gave MC which was that to move on, you just gotta keep your foot on the gas and look forward and that eventually, she’ll be somewhere better than she’s ever been.

Love or Lust, 24kGoldn [p]

It’s love or it’s lust, we just need to be clear / ‘Cause if you’re in love, then I shouldn’t be here

Would you walk eight thousand miles just to make me smile on a rainy Wednesday? / If so, then you gots to go, it ain’t mutual and I’m not pretending

Basically in the beginning stages of MC falling for Mona, Mona’s like oh hell nah (“I shouldn’t be here”) and she recognizes that MC likes her a lotttt (MC would definitely walk eight thousand miles to make her smile on a rainy Wednesday) and so she’s like fuck

PLW, Leon Thomas [j]

Left my fear right at the door (ooh) / She's an animal hunting in the wild, yeah (in the wild) / Doesn't move around or groove / But she come from the depth / That's why she's down to earth / An instrument of war

Baby ain't no beginner / I got love for my little winner / Flashing or finessing / That's why I mess with her, yeah

And you don't have to worry, yeah / 'Cause I know what's she worth / No, you don't have to save me / From my pretty little weapon

Ooh my baby smart, and she sharp, and she sharp, yeah / Pretty little weapon

I’ll never ever get over how this song fell into my lap and is absolutely perfect for Mona. This is for an MC who acknowledges that Mona’s a badass and that she loves her because of her strong personality and unwavering confidence because she knows she’s good at her job. The first verse is the best approach an MC could take – leaving her fear at the door because she knows someone like Mona could sniff it out. The line “No, you don’t have to save me / From my pretty little weapon” kills me, because it’s accurate – on Mona’s route, despite any betrayal, the MC is still in love with her and knows that Mona would never actually hurt her.

Sleeping With the Enemy, BbyMutha & Kindora [j]

Creeping around corners / I don't feel like myself / Studying your movements / It's a carousel / And I can't confirm that you / Mean what you say / And I'm pretty sure / That it's / Better that way

Why can't I trust in you / Am I slipping up / Over you / If it really turned to be the way / That I think / How bad could it be?

And I know that we could go for / Round and round like 123 / And I gotta question myself / Is it coming? / Possibly / And I gotta wonder / Am I sleeping with the enemy?

I'm watching my back / Like I got nothing left / I give you all I got / Wish I knew what was next

The first time I heard this song it was a toss up between whether or not it was a Colt and Mona song (or both) but I settled on Mona pretty quickly after a re-listen. Not only is the internal conflict in the lyrics a perfect description of Mona’s own battle, but it could be easily viewed from MC’s perspective as well. The idea of knowing it’s “wrong”, and mistrusting them but pursuing it anyways is quintessential early Mona route.

The World is a Marble Heart, AJR [p]

We could have been, we should have been / What your heart couldn’t handle

Run away, girl, ‘cause I let you / Now you found some other man, you see / I’m better off without you, ‘cause the man ain’t me!

I’m going right now / To the beginning / What you denied from the start / And now you can’t go breaking my heart

The world is a marble heart / It’s bullshit and we know it

I think the first lyric is definitely MC to Mona because Mona was afraid to allow herself to be in love, and then evidently their relationship couldn’t blossom because Mona ends up arrested (“we could have been, we should have been”). This song called out to me because Mona always comments on how MC’s heart got them into the Brotherhood mess, how MC always think the crew is something they’re not, so MC’s heart is the marble heart and the last lyric (“it’s bullshit and we know it”) is essentially Mona being like girl you know we are not what you think we are. The second lyric is because in a scene after the reveal, Mona drives MC to Riya’s house and MC goes I wish we could run off together and Mona is like just say the word and MC is like I can’t :/// and then Mona is like the only one stopping you is you, and then “I’m better off without you” is Mona being don’t call don’t write don’t text

Would You, Pink Sweat$ [p]

Would you die for me? I would die for you / Would you shoot for me? I would kill for you / Would you run up the bag if I needed you to? / Girl, all the things that I’d do for you / Would you do for me too?

I wanna know when it pops off that you gon’ be right next to me

This was giving Mona and her ex from that scene where MC got a glimpse into Mona’s past. Essentially, Mona’s ex and her were thick as thieves, and when they got arrested, Mona didn’t say anything and her ex did, so Mona was always ten toes down but her ex never had her (Mona) like she (Mona) thought she (her ex) had her (Mona)

Both of Us, YFN Lucci [j]

Stay with me when there's no one else to call / If you got me then I'm in it for the both of us

Look, ayy, do you love me like you say you love me? / Ay, do you vow to keep it cute when everythin' get ugly? / Ay, if I ever leave, girl would you come lookin' for me?

I think that this song and these lyrics fit into the title of the book and how “ride or die” each of the love interests are for MC and vice versa. I think the softer parts of this song are MC for sure, and Logan at times, and the second bullet point is Colt and Mona. For them, it’s more of a promise of loyalty rather than love like the earlier lyric is (which is why I think that’s a bit more hopeless romantic like Logan).

C U Girl, Steve Lacy [j]

I haven't seen you in a while, you know I miss you babe / When you hear this song, feel flattered, it's about your face / And how I miss it and I wish that I could see it more / But you're in college now and I'm about to go on tour

I love this song because it makes me think of the possibility of MC and the LI having a “song” – one where any time they hear it they think of each other. And that when they hear it it makes them happy but at the same time they’re forced do think about the distance between them and how much they miss each other.

Collide, Tiana Major9 and Earthgang [j]

Everybody's got opinions on our thing / Say we're flying down a path with no ending / And if I die before I wake / Ooh, don't let me wake up from this dream / When we collide / When we collide, it's a beautiful disaster / When I crash into you, you, you

And I don't care about the future or the past / Riding slow, 'cause you know the world's moving too fast

Without you, I'm just a fraction / Closing in on my demise / And I love you religiously / With everything inside of me / As long as I'm alive

So I think it fits for all three because the relationship is taboo since they’re criminals and she’s a valedictorian getting ready for college. Their relationship is sloppy and dangerous and comes to an inevitable end, and they both know that, so this song for sure encapsulates how little both the LI and MC care about that. They don’t that it’s a trainwreck, because colliding is all that matters :)

Heaven, Clairo [j]

Alone, for the last time / You're just a loner / Give it a try / And you're hard on yourself / And your laugh, it just melts in my hands / Lonesome in the streets

I'll get by with you on my mind / I'll get by with you on my side

I love the idea of this song being viewed as MC’s perspective of her LI, because I’m sure the other LI’s haven’t been appreciated in the way that she appreciates them. For example, the line about the laugh melting in her hands makes me think about how they’d react to her saying that to them. None of the LI’s probably have never been told their laugh is cute, and I’m sure they’d be confused about it at first, so this whole song gives me a cute late night summer drive vibe. Like the MC is in the passenger seat of Mona or Logan’s car or draped around Colt and she’s just appreciating the things she loves about them.

Heaven Ain’t Hard 2 Find, Tupac [j]

Simply because you nervous, let me start off with my conversation / Hoping my information, elevates the hesitation / I can see it clearly now / Catch you smiling through your frown / I'm askin' Baby Boo are you down?

Heaven ain't hard to find / In fact you can have it just have faith / Just like a little kid, still believing in magic / It takes a lot of sacrifice / With all the lonely nights on tour / I need somebody I can trust in my life

Oh god help me identify me truest thoughts / Your hidden motives full of passion who would of thought / Come holla at me baby, love me for my thug nature / Far from a player hater, label me a money maker / Straight heart breaker

I originally added this song because it’s canon that Colt loves old West Coast Rap, so that makes me think he’s a huge Tupac fan. I can see him listening to this in his car driving down a California highway at like 2 a.m. On the other hand, though, the beginning of the song reminds me of the first meeting with Logan at the party, or the second meeting when they go to the car show – young love jitters and all that.

Keep Me Up, Charlotte Lawrence [j]

My heart starts beating and my hands start sweating / My chest starts sinking and sometimes will even start shaking / It's physical and emotional

And I don't want you all inside my head / And I can feel you running through my veins

When I say, and I say, and I say / That I want you in my life / But you stay, and you stay, and you stay / And you never leave my side / And you take, and you take, and you take / And you say you feel so nice, boy / And you keep me up all night

I think this fits with all the LI’s and MC and how they cope after the LI’s had to leave. Read it from both perspectives and it honestly fits so well for both of them – like the first couple months of restlessness staring at their ceiling while reflecting on how much they miss each other.

Kitchen, Kid Cudi [j]

Hmm, you wanna find somebody you trust and lay low / But it seems they all on the same mission / You wanna find somebody you trust and lay low / But can't stand the heat of my love, then stay out the kitchen

Oh baby here we are, I made a wish on shootin' stars / I ain't even mad at it, we made it this far

The attitude of this song reminds me of both Mona and Colt’s feelings about relationships – they both know they’re intense people and that they don’t trust or love easily, and that whoever’s interested in them needs to know that. They’re not going to apologize for it, but they appreciate anyone who sticks around and loves them despite that.

Meet Me Halfway, The Black Eyed Peas [j]

Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline / Is where I'm gonna wait, for you / I'll be looking out, night n' day / Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I stay / I can't go any further than this / I want you so bad it's my only wish

I think of all three LI’s when I listen to this, because it fits into the idea of them struggling to maintain both of their lifestyles and have them mesh together. And it plays into the distance when MPC has to scatter.

Moonlight, Trippie Redd [j]

I can still be your man / I was tryna see your plans / 'Cause I was tryna have this dance tonight / Your body, girl, I'm a real big fan / And I cannot lose this chance / So, baby girl, grab my hand / This moment I'm waiting for, I fantasize / I just wanna be with you, I just wanna be with you tonight / Under the moonlight

This reminded me of the prom scene and how despite the chaos, all three love interests took the time to appreciate MC and soak up their last “date”.

out for the night, 21 Savage [j]

Five foot five (Five), she my ride or die (Die) / Never tell a lie (Lie), we like Bonnie and Clyde (Clyde) / Lookin' at her thigh (Thigh), like, "Do it come with rice?" (Rice) / She don't like FaceTime, she would rather Skype / But I'm out for the night (Straight up) / Out for the night (Straight up)

When I heard this song I could definitely see Colt listening to it, but I think the flirtiness of the song fits for all three love interests! Also, I mean… “she my ride or die” and “we like Bonnie and Clyde”? Self explanatory.

Part of Me, Teo [j]

I believe there's no one in your place / So much lovely / You can cure my mistakes / You reside in me no room for escape

You're my darling / You're my love / You're rocking all of your diamonds / All dressed up / And girl I lost my mind, no, I messed up / So now I'm knocking at your doors with my chest up

You're part of me / Come again and see / Diamonds make you sparkle

This reminds me of the prom scene from the LI’s perspective. And even more so than that, it reminds me of post prom/car chase where they have to say goodbye to each other the last time. It’s like a bittersweet tribute to MC about how much they mean to them and how much they’ll think about them when they’re apart.

Special, 21 Savage [j]

We got something special / I was finna text you / But I don't wanna pest you / Even if we ain't together (no matter we're forever) / I'm still coming to your rescue

Ride with me (ride with me) / Tell the truth and don't you lie to me (lie to me) / You know I need you on my side with me (side with me) / Tell the truth and don't you lie to me (lie to me) / Baby, roll with me (roll with me)

I'mma hold you down forever / You my round forever / They just want to use you, but I'm tryna help you

I think of Colt mostly with this song, but it definitely fits with all of the li’s in my opinion! Logan, Colt, and Mona would all approach their relationship with MC this way – constantly affirming that they’re there for MC no matter what, even if things go South with them, they’re always one call away. And especially the last line “they just wanna use you, but I’m tryna help you” that’s for sure an overprotective LI about the Jason Shaw situation and generally people taking advantage of MC’s kindness.

Drunk on Love, Rihanna [p]

Take me away / I wear my heart on my sleeve / Always let love take the lead / I may be a little naive, yeah

I feel like I’ve heard MC being described as naive, and even in the book Mona is like man it’s your damn heart that got us into this mess because you thought we were more than who we are, so yeah this song reminded me of MC.

Final Goodbye, Rihanna [p]

Thought that you would stay forever with me / But the time has come to leave

Promise you our love will carry on

Final goodbye, MC saying goodbye to their LI, you catch my drift.

The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty, Panic! at the Disco [p]

If you wanna start a fight / You better throw the first punch / Make it a good one

I feel like this lyric specifically is saying that if you’re gonna stand for something, you better give it your all, and it reminded me of how MC came up with the plan to defeat the Brotherhood in the last few chapters of ROD, and to get out of it, they really had to go all out (AKA MC telling the police everything, meaning the gang had to go on the run). Also, MC just nose-dived into this life and I feel like this lyric is like ‘well sis if you gon be a criminal you might as well do your best’ (and she did when she bodied her first heist I know that’s right, my driver forever <3).

Harder We Fall, Jessie J [p]

So, whatever path we choose to take / There will be highs and there will be lows, the same / Oh, we’ll never run from our mistakes / The harder we fall the harder we try again

I just feel like this is a good song for MC to listen to in the car on her way to Langston yk crying but the windows are down and the wind is wiping your tears so you just keep it pushing because you’ll live and you’re stronger than your lows.

House of Memories, Panic! at the Disco [p]

If you’re a lover, you should know / The lonely moments just get lonelier / The longer you’re in love than if you are alone / Memories turn into daydreams, become a taboo

I think of you from time to time more than I thought I would

I just feel like this is a perfect song for MC going through the motions of leaving their lover behind and thinking about the times they shared because her life with the crew will always be so drastically different than the life she was went to have (going to Langston, being the ‘goody two shoes’, etc.).

Let It Out, Trippie Redd ft. Myiah Lynnae [p]

I need to know, before I tell you, can I trust you?

Idk man this song really just spoke to me.

Saw You in a Dream, The Japanese House [j]

I saw you in a dream / You had stayed the same / You were beckoning me / Said that I had changed / Tried to keep my eyes closed / I want you so bad / Then I awoke and it was so sad

Haven't talked to you in months / And I thought that I might cry / But I'm not that kind of girl

All good things come to an end / But I thought that this might last / But you came and left so fast

I wonder if you'll come visit me again / You're taking your time to reappear / I'm starting to believe that when I call your name / You just don't hear me anymore / And I know that I shouldn't even try / It's a waste of time

I don’t think I need to go super in depth as to why this reminded me of MC, but I do see this as MC’s defeated approach to it in the months/years after meeting the MPC.

Silent Nite, Tink [p]

I put your joy and your feelings ‘fore mine / These days I’m angry, angry inside / No words to say (oh) / One thing to do / Move on and fall back from you / It’s gonna be a silent night / No one here to hold me tight / It’s gonna be a silent night / No one here to hold me, oh, oh I’m lonely / Lost for words (lost for words)

It’s a short song so I just put the whole lyrics in here LMFAO but I feel like this could be MC during her first few nights at Langston. For Hieron at least, I know she went through a range of emotions processing this new chapter without the people she holds dear, angry at the way this is how things had to play out, but all that’s left for her to do is get over it, move on, and get used to not having that support anymore (i.e. like if MC is used to cuddling with [insert LI], they deadass gotta sleep alone now f in the chat).

Smile, Juice WRLD ft. The Weeknd [p]

I’d do anything in my power to see you just smile / I want you to prosper and come proper / Even if that means I ain’t by your side

I spent every day right beside you (‘side you), ‘side you (‘side you) / A hundred pics of me on your phone / Now you’re someone that I used to know

OKAY so I’m absolutely obsessed with this song and the first lyric was definitely giving me Logan x MC because I feel like this is something he could’ve said during his goodbye, like saying something that vulnerable and heartwrenchingly sweet is def on-brand for him, but the second lyric I feel like fits all the LIs. Like because they were part of the crew, they spent so much time with MC, and now that they’re gone, MC has all those pictures and memories that they  want to hold on to them so badly even though they can never be together again (‘now you’re someone that I used to know’)

Stuck With Me, The Neighbourhood [j]

Now I'm feeling guilty for it / Didn't wanna leave / Realized I'm less important / Than I thought I'd be, yeah / I'm not tellin' you for any certain reasons but / I just want your empathy

Our lives keep on gettin' shorter / Losin' opportunity / There might be some other ways of looking at it but / That's just what I see / I been gettin' over myself / Thinkin' about what you need / Then I realised that neither of us matter

You always end up stickin' to me / Somehow, somehow / You are stuck with me / So I guess I'll be sticking with / You are stuck with me / So I guess I'll be sticking with

So I think this song covers a lot of topics for MC. I think the vibe of the lyrics suit MC when she’s dealing with her relationship with her father, being pressured by Jason Shaw, and grappling with whether or not she’s making the right decision despite it all – homegirl was falling in love throughout all of it, too. Reading the lyrics with that lens made me think of each of the lines as a different conversation. The first part sounds like a tidbit of a conversation she could’ve had with her dad or about her dad. The next one is like a realization that despite how careful she is with her choices, nothing matters anyways, if the MC takes a nihilistic approach to it. And the last lyric is her conclusion with the LI that despite everything, she’s happy that she’s with her LI and she’s grateful for their loyalty.

worst behavior, Ariana Grande [j]

I been on my worst behavior / But, baby, I don't need no savior / I'm way outta line / But I kind of like the way I / Feel when I just don't give a fuck

This ain't no game, won't play with you / This time I know I'll stay with you / Just promise you won't say nothin' / Don't you be actin' like that, don't you be actin' like that, babe

Said baby it's just in my nature / To be a little troublemaker

Know you really like the way I / Taste when we kiss, you reminisce / But this ain't the last time / Just stay by my side

This song reminds me of rebellious MC before the gravity of the situation really hits her – the short span of time where she’s not worrying about being Valedictorian or college or her dad’s approval. She’s just living and falling in love for the first time. This could probably work for all LI’s but the specific “troublemaker” line makes me think of an MC who is trying to reassure Logan that she can make her own decisions.

1Day, PnB Rock ft. Ugly God [j]

Momma told me that I wouldn't be shit / Told her one day / I'ma be rich (huh)

One day, I'ma buy a big ass crib  / One day, I'ma buy a big ass mansion / One day, all my fucking diamonds gon' be dancing / One day, I'ma fuck a bitch in the Hamptons / One day, I'ma eat the sushi with the salmon

Dropped out of college, everybody said I'm tripping / Told them be patient, but they ass wouldn't listen / Made it big time, now they fucking with the vision / Now I'm really rich, and my diamonds really glistening

The lyrics kind of remind me of the lifestyle that they live – whether or not they fell for the MC in the process, they all kind of have the motive of money and being successful in their own way. Even though the li’s and MC have their own shortcomings and wants and needs outside of MPC, I like to think of this song as an ego booster and probably representative of their attitudes when they joined MPC at the beginning. Reminds me of Logan especially since he joined the life so early and probably romanticized it for the longest time before it really went to shit. And to add to that, the last lyric is Colt all the way.

92 Explorer, Post Malone [p]

Ooh, baby, I see these muhfuckas’ glancin’ / When my whip stop, then my wheels keep spinnin’

Made a lot of M’s, made a lot of moves

This song is literally all about Post Malone’s precious car so I was like LMFAO why not because everyone in ROD loves their cars and then the last lyric is because they be making a lot of money with their transactions/steals.

Best Friend, Saweetie ft. Doja Cat [p]

Beep beep, is that my bessie in a Tessie?

Listen... I feel like we were robbed of the peak best friend dynamic that could’ve existed between Riya and MC so this whole song is for them (also c’mon MC could’ve snatched a Tesla if she reeaaally wanted too so yup that’s Riya’s bessie in a Tessie).

Lost It, Rich The Kid ft. Quavo and Offset [p]

The Bentley don’t cost shit / I walk out the bank rich

Okay, drank sippin’, lane switchin’ / I done brought my gang with me

Ooh, I might snatch the coupe

First one because they really could get any car they wanted, second lyric because gang always together yk, and last one because they really be stealing cars out here LMFAO.

Royal Rumble, Lil Tecca [p]

My life is a movie, you not ready for that clip

It’s a Royal Rumble

ROD really is a wild ride (‘my life is a movie’) and the ‘it’s a Royal Rumble’ just reminded me of the fact that it’s basically a showdown between two crews where one wins in the end but at what cost.

Runnin’, 21 Savage and Metro Boomin [p]

Runnin’, runnin’, runnin’, runnin’

We run the motherfuckin’ city

Fuck your crew, [redacted], we’ll kill your crew

First lyric is because literally everyone has to scatter by the end of the book, and the second lyric just gave me their vibes, whether or not they truly ran the city. The last lyric makes me laugh because Colt really was about to kill the other crew, the ‘we’ is a lilll bit loose in that sense though LMFAO because I know damn well Toby was not ready to go down like that.

Stuntin’ Like My Daddy, Birdman ft. Lil Wayne [j]

What we doing? Getting money / What they doing? Hating on us, but they never cross / Cash money still a company, and, bitch, I'm the boss / And I be stuntin' like my daddy, stuntin' like my daddy

Colt and Teppei don’t get along, but I like to think that Colt not only bumps this song in his car, but secretly imagines that him and Teppei run L.A. – either together or with Colt taking the reins.

Takin’ Shots, Post Malone [p]

Drinkin’ all night, but we ain’t done yet / Waitin’ on the plug, but he ain’t come yet

Already losin’ control, this is the life that we chose

The first lyric and this song overall just give me club vibes, like the underground one they went to where MC wears that neon fit. The part in the second line that always gets me is ‘this is the life that we chose’ because being a part of this crew was a choice for most, and they knew what comes with this lifestyle.

Trouble on Central, Buddy [j]

So the entire song is pretty much the idea  “I wish life were better and I’m daydreaming about how good things could be for me”. And to be honest, I think that the vibes of that fit Logan when he was young and broke, but at the same time, I could see Colt bumping this song in a convertible.

VEGAS, ABRA [j]

The whole song reminds me of the gambling scene and the high stakes of it. It kind of reads like the MC trying to fit in with dangerous criminals while she’s there despite the MPC thinking she’s not ready for it

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track nine

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Eden arrived in New York in the biggest coat she could find in a store in Los Angeles, which came equipped with a furry hood and enough stuffing in it to make her resemble the michelin man when she climbed into the car. 

She leaned back against the headrest of the seat with a sigh, an iced coffee in each hand. Her eyes closed for a minute, like she was trying to find her inner peace, and then she sat up and passed a cup to Indy in the driver’s seat.

“Vanilla, oatmilk right?”

“Always,” Indy laughed, taking a sip before putting it in the cupholder. “So uh, I love you and all, but are you finally gonna tell me why you changed your flight and made it so much earlier?”

“Drive to your place, and I’ll explain.”

Eden waited until she got out of the majority of the traffic.

“So, I had my original ticket and I was just gonna rent a car and show up, you know this, we planned it. But then I had the brilliant idea to come early and kidnap you,” she grinned, sipping her coffee.

“You’re kidnapping me?”

“Kinda. Well, reverse kidnapping I guess cause I’m forcing you to host me. You told the boys you were Christmas shopping like I said right? So you’re clear for a few hours?”

“Yeah.”

“Well good, cause we’re having a girls moment, because you need me.”

“I need you?” Indy laughed. She could never imagine possessing the confidence that Eden manifested every day, but she hoped one day she could have a fraction of it. 

“Yeah, because you’re surrounded by Dolan twins, not Dolan twins girlfriends. And I’m sure neither of them have shut the fuck up about everything going on, right?”

Indy sighed, which Eden took as a yes. The two had been talking more and more, but especially since the absolute blow up on social media. Eden had been the first one to text her that day with a simple message.

Been there, I know how much it sucks but it’ll pass. Call me later when you’re up for it

Indy hadn’t called. She didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want Eden to think she was weak. Instead she’d gone onto Eden’s instagram, tried to see how she handled things, and from the first few scrolls on her feed it was blatantly obvious that she didn’t give a shit. Just a few weeks prior she’d posted a picture of her and Ethan in the mirror dressed up for a date, his hand fully grabbing her ass with the caption miss you bby. Indy scrolled the comments, blood boiling at some of the shit people said to her. She wondered if she’d ever get to the point where she could even stand to reopen her own instagram, much less post with reckless abandon. 

“We love men who think they know what it’s like to be a woman,” she teased, shaking her head as they continued down the road. “They’ve got such a protection complex, both of them, but Gray especially. Don’t get me wrong, I love it most of the time. Actually, it’s kinda hot. But holy shit does it get annoying when they underestimate you.”

Indy had experienced it first hand in the last week, and she couldn’t disagree. It was like she was on lockdown. Gone were the days of Grayson meeting her in the lobby of the building, or waiting for her outside of Jets. When he came to her apartment he was in sunglasses and a beanie, sometimes even a scarf pulled up over his mouth in an attempt to hide from any cameras he couldn’t see. He relaxed marginally when he got inside, but the only time he really seemed to catch his breath was when the sun set and they were tangled in each other’s arms, or when they were off the interstate on the back roads to Jersey. His shoulders would sink a bit, and his grip on her hand would relax when they took the exit. Something about the trees, still coated in snow, made him feel safer, made him feel like he could protect her somehow. 

It felt like a breath of fresh air to walk into her lobby with someone by her side. There were no cameras, but Eden wouldn’t have cared even if there was. She held her hand and walked in as if she’d done it a thousand times, though she had to wait for Indy to hit the right elevator button. 

When they got inside the apartment, Eden plopped herself down on the couch with a smile and patted the cushion beside her. 

“Alright, spill. Give me all the details, how’s it been going?”

Indy started to talk, and then she couldn’t stop. It spilled out of her like water, every single thing that had happened since her graduation date. Eden listened intently to each detail, from the way they’d changed their walking path to the hospital to the fact that he was looking into a new paint job for the truck to make it less recognizable. 

“And he’s just so paranoid, and I mean I guess I am too in a way, cause I like my privacy too. But it’s like he thinks I’ll die if a picture of me gets out or something, like damn, I’m a little sensitive sometimes but I’m not that fucking fragile.”

“You should have seen Ethan when the pregnancy rumors started for me. One big lunch at Monty’s later and all of a sudden I’m 3 months pregnant and I don’t know which twin’s it is,” she rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee through her straw with a smile.

“No fucking way.”

“I thought he was going to actually murder the dude from Hollywood Fix for that one. We burned through two Relax candles that week. Wild.”

“Jesus christ.”

“But hey, you already got the engagement rumor out of the way, so pregnancy is probably next. To be safe though, never even look in the window of a wedding dress store, and definitely don’t go to the baby section anywhere.”

Eden said it all so casually, as if making sure to avert your eyes from a wedding dress in a window was a totally normal thing to do. Indiana’s breathing picked up at her words, afraid that somehow she’d accidentally start a rumor about herself that would come back to bite Grayson.

“Isn’t that exhausting though? Being worried about that shit all the time?”

“You get used to it, and you adapt. Like the topaz ring for Lisa. That’s from Ethan and Grayson together, but they decided to send Gray in because if Ethan got spotted in a ring shop there would be an article about our secret wedding on DailyMail next week. Of course, that plan didn’t work out for Gray so well either, as we now know. Why the fuck he didn’t think about that is beyond me, but whatever,” she laughed. 

“No one was supposed to know about me,” Indy said, and her words didn’t resonate until they hung in the air. Was that what it was? The sudden shift in him being so damn worried about someone possibly seeing them together? It made her palms sweaty and she rubbed them on her pants before she spoke again.

“When did Ethan get over it?”

Eden scoffed. “He’s not over it. Still makes him want to lose his mind when someone says some shit about me. He broke a knuckle last year punching a wall cause a news outlet got pictures of me in a bikini while we were in Hawaii and said I’d gained weight.”

“That’s… absolutely fucked Eden, I’m fucking sorry.”

“I put it on my instagram story and laughed it off.” She shrugged her shoulders, as most women do when they have to accept unsolicited opinions from strangers. But something about the confidence she exuded when she said it made Indy believe that, somehow, she really had just brushed it off for the most part. 

“Is it hard to do that? Laugh it off?”

“Sometimes.” She sat up, getting more serious as she looked at Indiana. “But here’s the thing babes. Someone is sitting in an office somewhere, probably in their little house, with a bunch of clutter on their desk writing shitty articles about me. Meanwhile, I’m living in a nice ass house in LA with my hot ass boyfriend who bought me that bikini and took me to Hawaii. So who's actually winning?

“People talk shit about you when they wish they were you, that’s just how the world works. It’s shit, but once you accept that it changes your perspective on a lot of things. I mean honestly Indy, who gives a fuck what dolantea with 7 a’s the end has to say on instagram when you have Grayson fucking Dolan in your bed every night?” She raised her eyebrows, happy to see the smile she got out of Indy. “And if you ever tell him I said that I’ll put Nair in your shampoo.”

“My lips are sealed,” Indy teased, suddenly filled with a boost of confidence. “You have a very interesting perspective on the world Eden, I like it.”

“Coming from the college grad, I take that as a major compliment.”

“Believe me, there’s plenty of dumb people with college degrees. Doesn’t mean much at the end of the day.”

“But it gets you into a career that means something,” she mused. “I mean, being a doctor is a big deal, you’ll help a lot of people.”

Indy chewed on her lip. Every intrusive thought she’d had in the last few days that didn’t revolve around Twitter had to do with her imagining herself as a doctor, but it always faded into something else. It was her at a patient’s bedside, her helping them get to their feet, her sending them home with their family. Things that nurses did, not doctors. 

“Yeah. I hope so,” was all she could say. 

“That wasn’t very Indy of you.”

She quirked an eyebrow at Eden and waited for an explanation.

“You always keep a convo going, and you let that one drop, which means you probably don’t want to talk about it. But I’ll listen if you want to get it off your chest.”

“I don’t know… it’s just. The more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe being a doctor isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.”

“Oh. Well, then don’t be a doctor.”

It was Indy’s turn to scoff. “It’s not that simple Eden.”

“Isn’t it though?”

Indiana couldn’t come up with an answer. So instead, after the silence became too much, she deflected, making Eden walk her through the plans for the day.

A few hours later, once they’d gotten ready, they headed out to Jersey for the early birthday surprise, which Lisa was in on. She had ordered a massive vegan cake from one of the bakeries in New York that Indy picked up on the way, making Eden hold it for the majority of the ride. But when they got to the start of the driveway, she pulled over and had her counterpart climb into the trunk of the SUV, sticking a shiny blue gift bow on top of her head while she held one hand on the cake box to keep it steady.

Grayson appeared on the porch at the sound of the gravel crunching, cocking his head to the side when he noticed that Indy was backing in. He jogged up to the window when she put it in park, waiting for her to roll it down so he could lean in to kiss her. She hummed and smiled at him.

“Happy Birthday.”

“It’d be happier if you were out here,” he mused, leaning back to pull on the door handle, frowning when he realized it was still locked. 

“Go get Ethan for me, tell him I need help getting the cake out of the trunk.”

Grayson turned to do as she asked before he did a double-take at the very cake shaped box in the passenger seat.

“But…”

Indy repeated her sentence with a tight smile, but he still just frowned.

“Is that not the cake? Mom let it slip that she ordered one, I can just get it, cause Ethan is grumpy.”

“BITCH JUST GO GET HIM.”

Eden’s yell was so loud that Grayson jumped, putting a protective hand on Indy’s shoulder, though he didn’t know what he was protecting her from until he peeked into the car.

“Oh thank god,” he laughed at the sight of her, half hidden by the back row of seats. “He’s been moping for like three days!”

“Oh believe me, I know. Now go get him, I’m getting a fucking leg cramp back here.” 

Gray grinned, already feeling his brother’s happiness somehow as he bounded into the house, yelling incessantly until Ethan finally came trudging down the stairs, muttering profanities as he stepped out into the New Jersey cold.

“Bro, be nice, Indy worked really hard to make this birthday nice for both of us, even if Eden couldn’t be here. Just help me carry the cake,” Grayson said, doing his best to keep his voice steady.

Ethan took a deep breath and nodded.

“Dee, open the trunk babe!” Gray called, having to turn away to hide his grin. But he looked back quickly, not wanting to miss his brother’s face when the door lifted and revealed his girlfriend, sitting adorably with a bow on her head. 

Ethan just stared for a moment, mouth hanging open so wide that it made Indy laugh as she watched in the rear view mirror.

“You little shit!” He finally said, closing the distance and pulling her into his arms and out of the car, spinning her around for a moment before peppering kisses all over her face. It was like he couldn’t let go. Every time he went to pull back he caught sight of her face again and pulled her back against him until they were both shivering out in the cold, wind whipping at their exposed hands and ankles.

Grayson helped Indy out of the car, warming her lips with a welcoming kiss before they moved to unpack the car, letting the lovebirds have their moment. Lisa greeted her as soon as she made it in the door and sat the gifts down, her hair smelling like she’d just put on hairspray. Eden and Ethan trailed in moments later hand in hand, with Ethan yelling about how Li had been in on it the whole time.

In terms of birthdays, it was a chilled out evening. The twins birthday used to be a huge event, full of laughter and excitement. Now, there was a blanket over the scene, a silent understanding that one person was missing from the table - one who should have been a year older just a few days prior. But they made the most of their time together, eating the cake first gathered around the table before moving into the living room and starting on presents. 

Grayson kept a hand on Indy’s knee unless he was unwrapping, looking over at her with a warm smile any time that he could. Lisa’s gifts were first - new sweaters, Ethan’s red and Grayson’s green, a bottle of shampoo each, specific to their hair texture. They gave each other such an incredulous look that Eden and Indy couldn’t help but laugh, only growing louder when Lisa leaned over to smack their heads lightly. They got individual gifts too - a new helmet for Ethan for his longboarding trips and a nice drill that Grayson had asked for. They both stood up to kiss her cheek in thanks before they settled back down to open gifts.

Indy was let in on the tradition that Ethan always opened first because he was older, and she was more than happy to lean on Grayson and watch his brother open his gifts. He started with Eden’s, eyebrows shooting up when he pulled out an odd arrangement of things. A bottle of sparkling cider, sunscreen and a pair of swim trunks that were adorned with a pattern made of a picture of Gizmo. He checked the bag for anything else before looking back at Eden and waiting.

“Read the bottle.”

He held it up to his face, reading aloud. “Passionfruit Cider. Made and bottled on Maui. Oh shit. Oh SHIT! Are we going back to Maui?”

“We’re going in March cause that’s the only time when I could put two weeks together where we both don’t have work.”

Indy sunk down even further despite already being on the floor while they celebrated. She looked at the tiny box she’d brought for him, wanting to reach out and hide it behind her back.  

She didn’t get the chance to, because Ethan had already grabbed it, reading the tag. 

“Indiana you didn’t need to get me anything,” he said, and his sincerity made her feel a fraction better.

“Well, it’s no trip to Hawaii, so don’t get too excited. And your mom helped.”

He unwrapped the box carefully, opening the lid and staring down for a moment. 

“It’s a key,” he murmured, reaching in and pulling out the necklace, a silver key which sat on a matching chain horizontally.

“It’s a copy of the key to your house here, but as a necklace. I know you really miss home while you’re gone, and you wear necklaces sometimes, so I thought I could make you a little reminder.”

“You made this?” He looked up at you with wide eyes.

“Yeah! It’s not much, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it's perfect Inds. Seriously, I love it, thank you so much.” 

Indy blushed anyways, not really believing his words but trying to accept them as he leaned over to hug her, grateful for the change of subject when it was announced that it was Grayson’s turn. 

He started with Eden’s, smiling wide at the tool belt that he pulled out, yelling when he realized it was customized with his name on the side.

“You can use that to build that side table you keep telling me you’re gonna make me,” Eden teased, which devolved into a moment of playful bickering. Indy used the time to line up the boxes in the right order, biting her lip when she handed him the first one.

“That’s way too many gifts,” Grayson said, frowning at her a bit.

“It’s really just one, it’s like a - well they go together - just, just open it.”

He did as she asked, pulling the paper off and unboxing the first one.

“A fucking nutcracker! Fuck yes!” He yelled, starting to look at it a bit closer. “Wait. WAIT. Is this Cudi?” 

“What!?” Ethan piped up before Indy could even answer.

“Bro it looks like Man On The Moon End of The Day cover, look at the fucking colors, and the moon.” He pointed to specific parts on the body of the doll, showing his brother who leaned over his shoulder.

“Open the next one,” Indy laughed, passing him the box.

He was quicker with that one, yelling so loud that Gizmo started to yell in the kitchen as he recognized the album art from Man On The Moon II, all tans, blacks and stars. 

“Holy fucking shit these are so fucking cool! Give me the next one, holy fuck.”

Indy passed them along, laughing when each reaction was just as dramatic as the first. The Indicudi was Indy’s favorite, with the mixture of reds and oranges. The collection started to take shape as he sat them out next to one another, adding the simplistic Satellite Flight nutcracker next, followed by the neutrals of Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven. Passion Pain and Demon Slayin’ matched well with the bright colors of Man On The Moon III, and Grayson was so excited by the end of the six that he had to stand up and run a lap before he came back and pulled Indy to her feet. 

“You like them?”

“You got me Cudi’s discography in fucking nutcracker form. I fucking love it, and I fucking love you.” He kissed her like no one was in the room, her heartbeat so loud in her ears that she didn’t even hear Lisa’s ‘awe’ from behind them.  

“I love you too,” she murmured against him, letting him hold her for a minute before he dropped back down to his knees to look at the collection, dissecting every detail like a six year old with a brand new toy. 

Ethan was just as enthralled, and she wished she could be as chilled out as Eden seemed as she sat and watched them. But instead, she was running numbers in her head, trying to calculate how much a trip to Maui for two would cost with airfare and lodging put together. 

She’d thought she’d gone overboard with the $300 collection of nutcrackers. For her, it was anyways - she’d timed her showers for two weeks and left them lukewarm in an attempt to save some money on her utility bill to justify it. Her mind spun for a moment as she thought about the little stack of Christmas presents hidden under her bed. A sweater for Lisa, a roll of film for Charlie to go with the new camera Dev was buying her. Fuzzy socks and a candle each for Eden and Cam that she’d found on a good sale. The thought of them sitting next to big extravagant gifts she was sure would arrive on the 25th made her deflate, so much that Grayson sensed it enough to pull himself away from his new toys.

“Hey, where’d you go?”

“I’m here,” she said, giving him a smile that didn’t make it to her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was have him worried about her on a day that was supposed to be about him. He returned one in hopes it would lighten her mood, but he knew not to push it. In fact, he didn’t bring it up until they were back at Indy’s apartment, in their pajamas after eating extra cake that Lisa had sent home with them. 

“Did you have a good birthday?” Indy asked, tracing H-A-P-P-Y-B-D-A-Y on his chest.

“I did. Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! Yeah, it was good. But today was for you, it doesn’t really matter what kind of day I had.”

“It always matters what kind of day you had,” he countered. “You seemed kinda upset when we were giving presents.” 

“Oh, yeah, it was no big deal. I just didn’t feel like I got you guys enough stuff. 21 is a big birthday.”

He leaned back enough so he could see her face, frowning down at her. 

“First off, it’s only a big birthday because you can drink, which doesn’t matter to me. Second, you gave us both more than enough, I have no idea why you think that.”

“Eden got Ethan a trip to fucking Maui.”

“And?”

“I got him a key. On a chain.” 

“Which is probably the most thoughtful gift he’s gotten in a really long time.” 

“It cost $20.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you can buy people whatever you want.”

“We’re just in different life stages,” he said. “You’ll be making bank once you’re out of school, you just have to get to that point. And even then, it doesn’t matter what you buy people for gifts. They only care that you’re there with them.”

Indy resisted the urge to repeat her words back to him again. She didn’t really expect him to understand where she was coming from.

“Yeah, I hope so.” She ran her hands down over his ribs under the covers, smiling when she felt him sigh under her. “By the time I pay off my loans Ethan and Eden will probably have three kids, you’ll have to spot us for all the baby shower presents.”

It was Grayson’s turn to fall quiet. He could see it - see Indy in a little pink sundress out in their LA backyard, celebrating a new baby on the way, talking with Eden and Lisa, helping Adele organize tables. And he wanted it. But he held her in his arms and thought about all that would come for her before that time came, and his heart tightened in his chest when he realized that he wouldn’t be there to see it.

“Tell me about school.”

She sat up a bit, running her hands through his hair.

“That’s what you wanna do with the last hour of your birthday? Hear about school?” 

“Yeah. Just wanna hear you talking to me,” he said, ignoring the tightness in his throat. 

She did as he asked, talked about the classes she had left and what order she’d have to take them in, the application process, the in’s and out’s of medical school as he tried to memorize every inflection of her voice, her laugh, and the feeling of her pressed up against him. 

When they woke up, it seemed that the holiday season had fully taken hold overnight. Suddenly, the days were flying by in blurs of Christmas lights and shopping. The pair were together 24/7, attached at the hip every moment that they could get away with. When Grayson was recording the podcast, Indy was just out of sight on the floor listening. While Indy was clearing out her laptop from the semester, Grayson was sitting behind her on the bed braiding her hair. Before they knew it they were trying to fit Bekah’s presents, and the cookies they made for the nurses into an already packed backseat of the truck on Christmas Eve.

A blanket of snow still rested in the city, muffling the city sounds it seemed as they drove. They were bundled up enough that Grayson wasn’t worried about them being recognized in the short walk to the hospital, and they shed their layers once they were inside the warm walls. They took the elevator, not minding the slow climb up to Bekah’s floor. But when they got to the desk to sign in, the nurses looked weary. Indy chucked it up to having to work the holiday and hoped that the cookies would lift their spirits when she left them on the counter. 

Bekah’s room had a small tree in the corner, covered in colorful lights and generic silver and red ornaments that were identical to those in every other room of the hospital. Bekah hardly reacted when she saw the duo enter in, though she tried. She sat up as much as she could but ended up back flat on her bed. 

“Hey Beks, hold on, let me help.” Indy rushed over to her side, fumbling for the buttons to raise the back of her bed up so she could sit up and see the room. Grayson held up her stack of presents with his biggest smile, the one Indy loved where he would clench his teeth. Bekah lit up, grinning wide at the two of them. Her skin was pale, and they could tell that she’d lost weight, but her smile was just the same. 

“Earrings, you double as Santa on the weekends or something? They already give the sick kids pity presents, you didn’t have to go so hard.” 

“These are from Indy actually,” Grayson said. Indy bit her tongue. She’d picked them out, but Grayson had footed the bill.

“They’re from both of us,” she corrected. “You feel good enough to open them now?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” 

And she was good. But she wasn’t great. Just unwrapping the boxes seemed to zap out the small energy store she had left. Indy wished she’d had the foresight to package them in bags instead of boxes, make it a bit easier for her to open. But the excitement was enough for her to make it through opening the new Christmas blanket, which was covered in cats and dogs in festive sweaters, a Harry Styles crewneck and new fuzzy socks. The last box was an Among Us shirt, with a little purple crewmate peeking out of the pocket - Bekah was notorious for how many hours she spent playing (Gray and Indy would sometimes hop on and play a few games with her when they weren’t there). 

“You guys are the best,” she said, letting the pile of presents rest on her bed. She yawned, so hard she leaned back and her beanie slipped off her smooth head. Grayson watched as she reached for it and winced, and suddenly he was watching his dad there in the bed, trying to get to his phone on the bedside table, wincing in pain. His breath caught in his chest and he blinked hard, trying to come back to reality.

And then Bekah closed her eyes, and laid perfectly still. It was quiet in the room for a moment, and a wave of nausea rose in Grayson, so strong that he raised his hand up to his mouth.

“Beks?” He choked out.

“She’s okay, she’s okay.” Indy rushed to reassurances. “Look, look at her monitor.”

The blips on the heart monitor line meant much more to Indy than they did to Grayson, but he recognized them enough to catch his breath.

“Sometimes, when someone is exhausted like that, they lapse in consciousness for a little while. It’s a defense mechanism, she’s okay.”

“For a second I thought - fuck,” he huffed, running his hand over his face. Indy moved beside him, taking his hand in hers and kissing his knuckles one by one.

“What the fuck.”

They both turned to the bed, where Bekah’s eyes were open again. But they were unfamiliar somehow, none of that usual Bekah charm that warmed the dark pools of brown in sight. 

“Bekah-” Indy tried, but she was cut off.

“You two are dating? Seriously? What is this, community service date night?”

“Beks-” Grayson spoke up.

“I never ask for much, but fuck you two. Fuck you.”

“Bekah, hey.” Indy took a step towards her bed, and Bekah recoiled.

“I try. I try really fucking hard not to think about how fucked up and shitty my life is. I’m 15, and I’m dying. I’m never gonna go back to school. No prom, no graduation, no wedding. Not even a fucking boyfriend before I die and everyone forgets me. The least you could do is not rub it in my fucking face.” 

“Bekah, you can’t think like that. You’re gonna get better, you’re gonna get all those things,” Grayson said, blinking through the tears that had formed without warning in his eyes. They fell down his cheeks in uneven droplets, hot and unfamiliar. 

“Yeah? Just like Emma was gonna get better right? Well, her funeral was last week. She’s never going to play hide and seek again, much less anything else. What about Damion from my last radiation rotation hmm? God was gonna come down and heal him too right? Then why is he dead, huh? Where’s God in all this? Where’s my fucking happy ending? I’m gonna get the inside of a box, that’s what I’m gonna get, and no one will fucking admit it because I’m a kid, and I’m supposed to be here longer than this! I’m supposed to have more time! I’m supposed to get to do stupid shit in college, and grow up, and find my person but no. I’m never going to get those things, so fuck you both for throwing it in my face.”

“Bekah-” Indy’s voice broke on the word.

“Get out. Both of you, out.”

“Bekah please.”

“OUT!”

Her yell was loud enough to alert a passing nurse in the hallway, and she stepped inside.

“You two need to step out of the room please.”

The sobs didn’t take hold until they were in the hallway. They ripped out of Indy without warning or grace, and Grayson did all he could to hold her pieces together as she started to shatter. 

“Shhh, Dee, hey, it’s okay, let’s go outside,” Grayson tried to comfort her through his own tears, leading her towards the doors.

A hand caught his shoulder and he turned his head to see Jessica in her scrubs, coming out of another patient’s room.

“What did she say?”

Indy perked up from where her face had been buried. 

“What did Bekah say?” She asked again

“She’s agitated, talking about how her life is being cut short, how she’s dying. She told us to leave.”

Jessica sighed, looking down at her shoes. 

“We’re on our last resort. A final round of chemo and radiation. If this doesn’t work, we’re out of options. And it’s going to be brutal, it’s spread to her brain. You’ll have to be patient with her, she’s probably going to go through some personality shifts. She’ll be more emotional, more irritable. Sometimes she might be disoriented. This type of cancer, when it’s in the brain, it’s unpredictable. One minute she could be fine, the next she could be completely unrecognizable. Give her a few days, wait until after the holidays when everything is back to routine, and give it another try okay? Hopefully it’s better when things are a bit more normal.”

“Yeah,” Indy sniffled. Jessica put a hand on her shoulder.

“Indiana her face lights up when you two walk in that room. She talks about you guys non stop when you aren’t here. She’ll come around from whatever it was, okay? Just give her some time. We’ll be here to take care of her, don’t you worry.”

Indy wasn’t sure why, but she pulled Jessica into a hug. The woman was surprised, but she reciprocated anyways with a squeeze. 

“Sweet girl. It’ll be okay,” she murmured, which only made the tears flow even more when she let go. 

Indiana transferred from one set of arms to the other, back into Grayson’s strong grip which only loosened when he pressed the button for the doors. When they made it to the ocean hallway, it all hit at once, and her legs gave out. She caught herself on the support bars as Grayson lowered her to the ground. They came in waves that she couldn’t control, not for want of trying. 

“I’m s-s-sorry,” she stuttered, trying to force air into her lungs. Someone down the hall pulled a door closed quietly. 

“It’s okay, hey, it’s okay. Breathe baby, just breathe,” Grayson murmured, running his thumbs under her eyes to try and wipe her mascara, which was running down her red cheeks in dark streaks. He waited until she was able to take a few solid breaths before he spoke again. 

“C’mon, let’s go to Jersey. I’ll take you to Jersey.” 

She put most of her weight on him while they took the stairs out into the cold streets. It had begun to snow again, and the cold only added to the stinging in her eyes as he led her to the truck. She wondered in that moment how many times he’d had to hold her together, and her stomach twisted in guilt for a moment at the thought. Even still, she huddled into Grayson until he opened her door for her, immediately moving over as close to him as she could, pushing the middle console up to make it a bench seat and scooting to the middle when he climbed in.

His Dad had once told him it was important to be a confident one handed driver - you never knew what you’d have to hold in your passenger seat, he’d said. At the time, he was referring to the four large pizzas that ended up leaving a permanent grease mark in his jeep seat. But Grayson was thankful for the advice as he maneuvered the car out of the spot and out of the parking garage with an arm still around his girl.

The roads were quiet, and he questioned it until he remembered that it was in fact Christmas Eve. He slowed down when they got to the Jersey neighborhoods, looked at all the lights, all the families he could see in the windows, huddled around their bright trees. He could remember those nights like they were yesterday, him and Ethan sneaking to the top of the stairs to try to catch a glimpse at the big man with the red sack. When they were five they’d seen him and ran to wake their sister. They’d all watched in amazement as he placed presents under the tree and ate the cookies they’d left.

He’d found the santa suit in a box in his dad’s closet when they went through his things after his funeral. 

“Does your family have any Christmas traditions?” He asked quietly, running his arm quickly over Indiana’s arm in a bid to keep her warm as he drove. The cool wind that was whipping the snow around seemed to be outrunning the heater in the truck. 

“We did. We would watch Elf the night before, cause it was mom’s favorite. We did the cookies, the stockings, all that stuff too. But we always had grilled cheese and soup for dinner too.”

“Grilled cheese and soup?”

“Yeah. That was mom’s idea too. She always said we could leave extra room for a good Christmas morning breakfast if we ate grilled cheese and soup. So we always ended up in the living room with our plates and bowls and Christmas PJs watching elf. Turns out, warm soup was always her trick to get us to go to sleep early. Made me and Charlie tired I guess. She told me it worked like a charm every time. What do the Dolan’s do?”

“Ours is more Christmas morning. We do the whole giant breakfast thing. We open stockings first, and Santa presents, then we do breakfast and then we do the rest of the presents. Used to drive us crazy when we were little, cause all the presents would just be waiting for us. But Mom said it was so we were grateful for our food too, cause it was a gift that we had it on our table at all.” 

“Li is a good mom,” Indy sighed, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Her eyes were tired, the kind where your eyelids feel like they weigh ten pounds a piece, but she fought with them and won, still awake when they made it to the house. She hopped out and moved to the backseat, but Grayson caught her.

“I’ll carry the stuff in. Go get cleaned up, take a hot shower and relax. Mom will be worried, she always knows when someone has been crying, it’s like a sixth fucking sense.” 

For once, Indy didn’t argue. Instead, she went in the house as quietly as she could, grateful that even Gizmo didn’t seem to note her arrival. She snuck up the stairs to Grayson’s closet, grabbing an old thick flannel and a sports bra that she’d left, plus some sweatpants, considering she’d left her bag in the truck.

She had never been so thankful for a shower. She lost track of how long she let the warm water wash over her head, closing her eyes and focusing on the feeling of the stream against her skin. It was peaceful, but surreal in a way. She thought about where she’d imagined herself on Christmas Eve night at the beginning of the year, and it looked so vastly different than where she was, on the cold tiles of a New Jersey shower with her boyfriend carrying in gifts downstairs. The thought of him waiting for her gave her enough motivation to get cleaned up, though she had to resort to using Grayson’s shampoo and bodywash, which was an unlabeled Wakeheart sample he’d been testing out it seemed. It smelled fresh, with a vanilla mixture that was reminiscent of Jet’s.

Indiana was in higher spirits when she sauntered down the stairs, and her heart swelled a few sizes when she heard a familiar song in the background - the title screen of Elf, waiting on the TV in the living room. She checked rooms until she found Grayson, standing in front of the stove with two pots and a skillet going. She didn’t have to ask. Instead, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. 

He spun around, spatula in hand until they were chest to chest as he watched the stove over her head, holding her close to make sure she didn’t get burnt. He nuzzled into her wet hair, and then sniffed harder.

“You smell like me,” he noted.

“Had to use your stuff. I like that body wash though, which one is that?”

“Can’t remember. Let me see.” He reached around and caught her arm, smelling her skin.

“Ah. That’s Polis.” 

She looked up at him. 

“Polis? Like… Poland?”

He chuckled against her, flipping over a grilled cheese.

“Polis as in the end of Indianapolis. A smell that makes you seem put together and professional with a sweet note at the end. Vanilla. Like your lattes.”

As he often seemed to, he rendered her speechless enough that all she could do was press a kiss to his chest and wrap her arms around him, under his sweatshirt to trace on his back.

L-O-V-E-Y-O-U

He kissed the top of her head and stirred the soup. 

Ten minutes later and they were cozied up on a makeshift palette on the floor under a few blankets, with soup and sandwiches in hand. Grayson had made himself three vegan grilled cheese and tomato soup, and caved and given Indy the last can of chicken noodle in the cabinet because he knew it was her favorite even if it wasn’t vegan, though her grilled cheese was vegan as well. They watched Elf play, laughing and noting all the familiar NY scenery. Indy swore the man in the red jumpsuit had come into Jet’s before. They sipped their soup out of the bowl, and Indy listened to Grayson talk about the cinematography, trying to follow all that he was saying. 

Once the bowls and plates were sat aside, they found themselves wrapped in each other’s arms, and Nicole’s old trick seemed to work, considering Indy was asleep before the end credits. Grayson carried her upstairs and put her to bed before going back down to clean up.

Though he tried to get into bed without waking her up again, he didn’t quite manage it, his weight moving the mattress just enough for her to stir and open her eyes. 

“Sorry baby, it’s just me. You fell asleep.”

“Hmmm. C’mere,” she murmured, opening up her arms. He laughed, knowing that if he laid on her the way she was asking that he’d press all the air out of her lungs. Instead, he pulled her on top of him and slotted their legs together, revealing in the feeling of their skin pressed together. She was warm for once since she’d been under the covers, and he hoped his fingers weren’t cold as he began to trace patterns against her back. 

“I love you,” she hummed, tracing a swirl over his ribs lazily.

“I love you too.”

“Forever.”

“Hmm?” He asked.

“I’m going to love you forever. I can feel it. I’m yours forever Grayson Dolan, and don’t you forget it.”

He pressed a kiss to her head and felt her finger against his ribs. F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

“I’ll love you forever too Indy. Forever.”

The tears returned.

------------------------------------------

Grayson was the first up the next morning, after a restless night of sleep - or so he thought. Lisa was in the kitchen, watching the snow continue to fall outside. It coated the trees outside and muffled the woods in a blanket of white. Lisa turned to greet her son, and frowned. 

“Have you been crying?”

He hadn’t shed a tear since the night before, but he should have known she would know. A mother always does.

“Just some stuff with Bekah. She’s not doing well, and I feel bad cause I won’t see her again until next time we come visit after we leave.”

“You can always call, and she’ll have Indy. She’ll be okay love.” She stood and ruffled his hair as she passed, headed to pour him a cup of coffee.

“It’s not as good as Indy’s, but it’ll do,” she smiled, rubbing her hand over his shoulder. They sipped in silence for a moment as the world woke up.

“Do you remember the year Dad dressed up for Christmas? When we were five?”

“Oh yeah. That was your Poppy John’s idea, he did it for Sean when he was little. Said it made him believe in Santa for a few more years. Your dad wanted to keep you guys kids as long as he could, and he knew Cameron was going to figure it out sooner than later. He also knew you two would be spying. You tried it when you were four, but you both fell asleep on the stairs before you could see any action. He told you Santa must have carried you to bed when you woke up that morning.” 

“Holy shit, I remember that.” He paused for a moment, reflecting. “You all always went all out for us on the holidays, I never really thought about it. Thanks.”

Lisa smiled the warm smile that only mom’s could really give, and patted his hand on the table. “I just hope you’ll do the same for your kids one day. I know you will.” She paused for a moment, and then she smiled. “You remember what he told us, on that last Christmas? About what he was gonna do?”

Grayson could hear his father’s voice in his head for a moment, and it made his throat tight.

“Yeah. Said he’d give us white Christmases for the rest of our lives if he could.”

Lisa lifted her mug towards the windows.

“Merry Christmas Sean.” Her words hung in the air, and Grayson swallowed the lump in his throat, watching the snow fall. 

Eventually he went back to bed to coax Indy awake about an hour later, smiling at her bedhead when she rolled over.

“Merry Christmas Dee,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Her eyes widened a bit quicker than normal.

“It’s Christmas!”

“Yep,” Grayson laughed, brushing her hair out of her face. She caught his hand and pulled him down over top of her, the covers wedged between them as she kissed him.

“Merry Christmas,” she said against his lips, and he melted into her. He couldn’t think of how many Christmas morning’s he’d woke up wishing to have someone there with him. It brought a new kind of excitement that quieted his mind for the time being, and he happily scooped her up and sat her on her feet so they could go wake up the other duo of the house. 

By the time they convinced E squared to arise - which took jumping on the bed, a promise of lattes and the threat of cold water - Lisa was already halfway done with breakfast.

Grayson hadn’t exaggerated - there was a huge assortment of fruit, pastries and coffee to get everyone started. 

“Stockings first! Well, coffee, then stockings!” Lisa clapped her hands and passed out mugs. Indy channeled her Jet’s days to make the lattes quickly, funneling in behind everyone as they headed to the fireplace to grab their stockings.

She melted when she noticed the I. 

“Lisa, you didn’t need to do that.”

“Oh hush. Okay red E is Ethan, white E is Eden…” she trailed off as she passed them out, slightly confused when she watched Ethan reach underneath the tree to pull out a stocking for his mom that the boys had filled. 

Indy was let in on the stocking tradition when she opened it. Everyone got essentials - a new toothbrush, socks, chapstick, lotion. She also threw in each person’s favorite candy and a giftcard to a local ice cream shop in town with vegan options. Lisa’s stocking was more extravagant, with some of her favorite high-end hair products, a certificate for a free massage, and lots of bath bombs that were Wakeheart testers. She hugged her boys necks when they all stood up, up on her tiptoes so she could reach. Everyone funneled into the kitchen after that, the boys in charge of the vegan meat options while Indy and Eden helped with the biscuits and cinnamon rolls. They ate around a full table, laughing and telling stories of Christmas. Eden won the most interesting story with one about her holiday with her extended family back in the Philippines, in which they’d spent Christmas using buckets to get water out of the house from a monsoon that had made landfall, a rarity for that late in the year. 

Time seemed to fast forward as they moved to open presents. The boys spoiled Lisa, as they always did. A new iPhone, expensive tennis shoes to help her back while she worked. New signs for the garden beds that Grayson built and Ethan painted, a canvas print of the picture Charlie had taken from Thanksgiving. They saved the topaz ring for last, knowing it would make her cry. Her tears were enough to get Ethan’s eyes prickling - forever the mama’s boy, who just hugged her while she let it out, Grayson joining in a few moments later. She opened her sweater from Indy, complimenting the color, and a new set of Airpods from Eden, seeing that she’d lost her first set. 

They moved on to Eden next. She also got a new phone from Ethan, which she smacked his arm for buying considering she knew how expensive they were, ignoring the fact that her phone barely held 20 minutes of battery anymore. Grayson got her a new sketchbook with a set of top line pencils and markers for her to sketch out her work designs, and Indy bought her a pair of Nike’s that she’d had her eyes on. Lisa got her a gift card to her favorite restaurant in LA - a non vegan one that she proposed could be used on a girls date when Lisa came to visit.

Indy was next. She had always hated opening gifts in front of people but she swallowed her un-comfort and proceeded through the boxes. Lisa bought her a nice blow dryer, remembering that she’d complained about hers once and raved about the one that she let Indy borrow. Eden bought her a new outfit - it was a bit out of Indy’s comfort zone, with the patterned pants and bright top, but she hoped she’d be able to pull it off. Both Eden and Gray assured her that she could. Ethan bought her a print of the state of Indiana, laughing at the way she tried to pretend that she loved it. 

“Read the back.” 

She flipped it over, squinting to try to read his messy handwriting that told her to check behind the tree. Sure enough, she found a box with a stethoscope in it. Top of the line, one of the more expensive brands.

“Every doctor needs one of those things, at least that’s what google told me. It’s got your initials on it too, cause apparently people try to steal them.” 

He dismissed her claims that it was too much, and instead urged her to open Graysons gifts. The first was a speaker, because ‘Cudi needs to be played loud and well’, followed by a bag full of clothes. She pulled the first piece out and gasped.

“You bought me scrubs?”

“Yeah. I know you were stressed out about them being expensive, and I knew you’d use them. I bought five sets, I hope that’s enough. And I asked the nurses at Frazier what the best brand was, but if you don’t like those I have the receipt.” 

“I’m sure they’re perfect. Thank you bub, I love them.”

She knew that Grayson had held back, and she was appreciative, especially as they got closer to his gifts. Luckily, Ethan was born first and therefore got first dibs. He got a custom longboard from Eden that she’d designed with all his favorite things, including a thermal painting of a very scandalous picture of her on the bottom that she’s covered with a piece of paper so Lisa didn’t see. Grayson got him an envelope with three tattoo appointments that he’d managed to get with their favorite artist in LA, who was usually booked up for months in advance. Lisa bought him a new jacket and boots, while Indy bought him a pair of headphones designed for the inside of a helmet, so he could listen to music while he skated. 

Grayson was the last to go. Eden got him new sweatshirts since he ‘wore the same ones all the time’, while Lisa bought him a sweater and jacket. Ethan bought him extra organizers for his closet and a minimalistic nutcracker, though he admitted it didn’t stand a chance of taking the spot of one of the Cudi nutcrackers, which stood tall on the mantle. Finally, he opened his bag from Indy, smiling when he pulled out a few things. The first was a journal, made of recycled paper and bound in a dark green cover with his name on the front in gold. The next was a Jet’s gift card, a small inside joke between the two of them. The final one was a picture frame. It was simple, black with flecks of gold along the edges. Within it, the first picture they’d ever taken together, in the mirror of Indy’s room where half his body was covered in her writing, labeled muscles. 

“Can’t lie, I spent most of my budget on your birthday. But I have a matching picture to put on my shelf, so I figured you might like it.”

“I love it,” he reassured her, kissing her cheek quickly, a sweet moment before the bustle of clean up began. The afternoon flew by with movies playing in the background and the snow continuing to fall outside. The boys cleaned off the cars, and after sunset, they appeared with a duffle bag each and a mischievous look on their faces.

“C’mon, we’ve got one more gift to show you guys.” 

Lisa waved goodbye from the front porch as both couples climbed into the truck, the girls in the back.

“Do you know what this is about?” Eden whispered.

“No idea.”

So they waited patiently until they finally put the pieces together - it only clicked when Ethan got out and opened the gate.

The trail looked different from the seat of the truck. Partially because it had been cleared out, but mainly because they weren’t on the back of a quad, with the wind whipping in their faces.

Hidden away in the snow covered clearing, the tiny homes were covered in snow. The lights inside were glowing a warm yellow, inviting them in from the cold. Grayson parked halfway between the two, coming around to get the duffle bag before turning around, a sign for Indy to climb on his back.

She didn’t argue, considering he had the advantage of snow boots over her, and climbed on, hugging onto him tight as he trudged through the snow to the front door. He kicked the snow off his boots on the small front porch and then opened the door, the draft of warm air already enticing. 

The inside was more beautiful than Indy could have imagined it would have been. She remembered trying to visualize it when Grayson had explained where everything would be - it felt like years ago, that warm fall day. But the kitchen was exactly as he had said it would be, minimalistic with dark wood that looked black in the dim light and white cabinets. The stairs were beautifully done, and Indy found herself climbing to the loft to find the queen size bed that awaited them, with the triangular window that looked out over the trees. 

“This is incredible,” she mused, looking down over the balcony at him. He beamed up at her, taking her in. Her skin glowed in the warm light, her hair washed yellow in a beautiful tone as it hung around her shoulders. He found himself kicking off his shoes and climbing the stairs to meet her, abandoning his plan of giving her a full tour in favor of exploring her instead. 

She followed his movement like water in an ancient stream, cut out and formed just for her to flow along, and they ended up on the bed with her back against the soft mattress.

“Are we christening the house?” Her words were muffled by his lips, which were eager and hungry against hers, a feeble attempt to drown out his thoughts. He kissed her incessantly instead of answering, pressing all her buttons to make her melt for him. The heater was small and nestled downstairs, goosebumps rising in the cold air as they lost layer after layer, chasing the heat of each other.

He held her as close to him as he possibly could, blocked out the cold and the doubt as he bit onto her shoulder and rocked her in sync with his hips, watched her head fall back and his name sing from her lips as she came undone over and over again until she was putty in his hands. He came so hard he saw stars, slowing down with her still in his arms.

She was in such a daze that it took her a moment to come to her senses and remember that she needed to go downstairs to pee and get cleaned up. As soon as she was out of his sight, the realization of what he’d just done came crashing down on Grayson. The guilt crushed his lungs as he finally admitted to himself that he knew he was hurting Indy. He knew she deserved to know where his mind was at, where it had been ever since Ethan had brought it up. He’d been selfish, and cruel, and as he sat there naked he’d never felt more ashamed in his life. He scrambled to get his clothes back on before Indy came back up. 

She was still blissful, her legs a bit wobbly as she tried to navigate the unfamiliar stairs. But she frowned when she saw his winter coat. 

“Those aren’t pajamas.”

Grayson jumped at the sound of her voice.

“Yeah, uh, Ethan texted me, he said their heater isn’t working, asked me to come look at it.” 

“Oh. That sucks, you want me to come help? I can hold a flashlight or something,” she offered.

“No, no it’s cold, you just stay here and relax, I’ll be back. Might take a while, but I’ll be back.”

“No promises that I won’t be asleep,” she teased, climbing under the covers. “This bed is better than mine I think.”

“Get some rest, I’ll be back soon.” 

“Okay. I’ll save a spot for you. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He headed down the stairs, slipping his boots on as quickly as he could and choking back his sobs until he was out of the door. He trudged blindly across the yard, only guided by the lights from the windows, and he knocked on the door.

He couldn’t imagine what he looked like when Eden opened the door. But it was bad enough that she didn’t say a word. Instead, she simply turned and called for Ethan, who took one look at him and pulled on his coat, following him out into the snow towards the truck. 

Safe inside the cab and in the presence of his brother, Grayson fell to pieces. Ethan could only remember a handful of times that his brother had cried so hard, and he held him tight in his arms as best be could, shaking with him as the sobs ripped their way out of him. 

Ethan didn’t even attempt to talk, only to console as best he could until Grayson could finally breathe. He pulled the extra inhaler out of the glove box and made his brother take a few puffs when he started to wheeze, holding the canister up to his lips.

“Breathe Gray, c’mon, you’ve gotta breathe so you can talk to me. You gotta tell me what’s wrong so I can help. Hey, I’m right here, it’s me. You can tell me, it’s okay.” 

Grayson finally caught his breath enough to calm down, with his hands gripping onto Ethan’s jacket collar like his life depended on it.

“I’m gonna break her E. I’m gonna destroy her and it’s all my fault. I love her, fuck, I love her. What am I supposed to do?”

Ethan sucked in a long breath through his nose, looking over at Grayson’s house.

“You haven’t told her.” It wasn’t a question.

“I wanted to, I fucking can’t. Every time I think I can tell her I just think about what it’s gonna do to her. What it’s gonna do to me. I don’t know what the right thing is here E, you gotta tell me.”

“You know I can’t do that.” 

“Fuck that, you’re me, we’re each other, you know me better than I know me. Tell me what to do.” 

Ethan could barely see his brother’s face, but the little bit of light from the moon showed enough pain in his eyes to have Ethan’s stomach twisting. He put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed.

“You know what I’m gonna say.” 

Grayson’s breath hitched once, and then a new wave of sobs took over. He shook so hard that Ethan was convinced the entire cab was shaking with him. Ethan held him, willed himself to absorb some of the pain, as much as he could, anything to help. 

“If it’s the right thing why does it hurt this bad?”

“I don’t know Gray. I don’t know.” 

“I love her.”

“I know.”

“She loves me.”

“I know.”

“Then how is this the right thing?”

Ethan paused for a moment, holding steady on Grayson’s shoulders.

“What would dad say? If he was here with us, right now, what would he say?”

Grayson pressed into his eyes with the heel of his palms and sniffled.

“He’d say that it wasn’t fair. He’d be mad that I hadn’t told her yet, and he’d say that she’s a good person who shouldn’t have to give up on her dreams for mine. He’d tell me to do what’s best for her, I know that. God, FUCK!” He smacked the dashboard so hard that Ethan heard something crack. He wished there was a way that he could protect his brother in that moment more than anything. Usually, he could step up, take the heat, take the attention off him if he needed. It was one of the few times that he felt truly helpless.

“You don’t have to do it tonight. You still have a few days. Just think about what you want to say, and bring it up whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m never gonna be ready, Ethan. That’s the love of my life, and I’m just supposed to walk away? And what’s she gonna say, when she finds out I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, and I haven’t said shit, huh? She’s not gonna want anything to do with me. She’s not gonna love me anymore, Ethan, and I can’t live with that. I can’t.” His voice cracked, and Ethan’s heart cracked with it.

“If it’s meant to work out, it will somehow. We’ve always believed that.”

“How?” It was a plea more than a question.

“I don’t know Gray. I don’t know.” 

Grayson didn’t know how long they sat in silence. They didn’t need words, just the comfort of each other’s presence as he ran through line after line of what he was going to say. He had to do it then, there was no other option. He had to tell her as soon as he got back, or he was afraid that he never would. But every time he closed his eyes to think, his mind was flooded with her, a kaleidoscope of memories and moments that he couldn’t imagine not making more of. He thought of the way his soul ached every time she cried, and he couldn’t fathom how much worse it would be when he was the cause of it. 

He threw the door open without warning, stepping back out into the snow. It took Ethan a few steps to catch him, but when he did he pulled him into a hug, a real one, and pressed his face into his shoulder. 

“I love you bro. We’ll get through it. You’ll be okay.” 

Grayson always knew when his twin was lying, but he tried his best to believe it. The cold wind stung on his wet cheeks as he went back to the house, kicking off his boots. He took the stairs one at a time as slowly as he could, his panic growing with each one. 

When his foot cleared the final step, he saw her.

She was asleep, curled up under the covers in her New York sweatshirt, hands folded underneath her face. He just stared at her, tried to memorize every feature on her face.

He could have stood there for hours, but she stirred only a moment later. Her eyes peered open just enough for him to see the blue, and then they closed again, a small smile stretching across her lips.

“Come to bed baby. S’warm.” 

Every cell in his body screamed at him, tried to pull him back as he slid out of his coat, out of his flannel, stepped out of his pants. His brain called him every name in the book, told him he was pathetic, weak, manipulative.

But his heart beat just a bit slower at the thought of being in her arms, even if it was just for a moment, the familiar home he’d made for himself comforting enough to let him drown the rest out and climb under the covers and over to her, pulling her into his arms as he pressed his lips together and let his eyes fall closed.

[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 32: One More Time

Previous chapters // Montserrat's masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing:  Rafael Barba x OFC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother​ @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​ @stareyedplanet​ @perfectlystiles​ @averyhotchner​ [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

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Chapter Summary: Montserrat and Rafael are losing their minds away from each other over the course of one month...

1 Month Later.

"Oh, he's adorable," Montserrat gushed at the baby boy in her arms. The baby, in return, gurgled as if he was trying to agree out loud with her. Montserrat shifted on her chair to switch the baby to her other leg. "Olivia, I can't believe you actually adopted him," she told the sergeant sitting across the desk.

"Not adopted," Olivia corrected as she watched Noah fiddle with his hands. "His name's Noah and for the time being, he's going to live with me." She had explained the situation since Montserrat had been out of SVU for a good while now. She only came back and forth every once in a while and this time, she came to the surprise that Olivia had become a foster mother to the very child she saved almost a year ago.

"He's really cute," Montserrat loved Noah's rosy cheeks. "Definitely livens up the place, huh?"

"Yeah," Olivia chuckled and reached over her desk to toggle with one of Noah's hands. The baby gurgled with a toothless grin.

"So then...Ellie's...dead?" Montserrat lowered her voice as if the child in her arms would understand that his biological mother was dead.

"Yeah," sighed Olivia. "We had her in a safe house but...she left in the night and…we couldn't save her then."

Montserrat hadn't seen the pictures - not that she wanted to - but she assumed they were thoroughly graphic since Ellie had been burned to death along with other terrible things they'd done to her. "Do you have any ideas who might've done it?"

"Well, we assume it was someone from the high up but, for now, Little Tino is taking the fault."

"If he's taking the fault then it means he's scared of whoever actually did it." Montserrat stood up with Noah and gently handed him back to Olivia. "And, speaking out of experience, the person who did it might be the one in charge of the whole operation Ellie was part of." Olivia had no doubt it as well. "I should get going. I'm meeting with Damian and Calhoun again."

"How's your brother doing?" Olivia asked as the two slowly went for the office door.

"Well, he's better in that he's not in jail but...he's on trial now and things aren't as well as we hoped." Montserrat shrugged. "Things aren't adding up, Liv. Damian and Gael swear they did the final evaluations and the thing is...that footage is missing. Like, it's not where it should be."

"What - the company misplaced it?"

"No, the company is actually helping us look for the footage. Not having it makes them look just as bad as Gael."

"Well, I really hope you find what you need," Olivia said. "We really miss you over here. Plus, we're understaffed since Nick's doing cop work in Queens."

"Yeah," Montserrat's smile was a bit tight but Olivia didn't seem to notice. She was genuinely sorry Nick had to go back to being a regular cop for Queens, but at least with that he would eventually be able to come back to SVU as a detective. It would just take a bit of time. He'd gone for a month now without any problems, so...he was doing good.

"Honestly, I can come back if you really need me," Montserrat told Olivia wholeheartedly. She wouldn't want Olivia to go crazy trying to cover all their cases with only 3 detectives. "I'd just like to ask time to go Gael's trials."

"Thanks Montse," Olivia could breathe a bit in relief. She wouldn't call the detective in unless they truly had to, but it was nice to know Montserrat was up for the early return.

After leaving Olivia's office, Montserrat went for her things she left on her desk.

"So, any word on when you'll be back?" Fin asked from his seat. "Not that we're complaining but Carisi's a bit too much to handle."

"Ha, ha," Sonny rolled his eyes.

"Oh c'mon, he's not that bad," Montserrat swung her bag's strap over her shoulder. "Just give him some candy and he'll be good."

"One of these days, your jokes will stop being funny," Sonny frowned.

"But it's not today," Amanda chuckled.

Montserrat smiled at her squad. She missed them terribly. "I gotta go meet with Damian and Calhoun so I'll see you guys around," she wiggled her fingers and turned to leave.

"Hey Montse," Sonny called and easily caught up with her in the hallway. "Listen, I know things might be a little awkward, but…"

Montserrat turned so that she was in front of him, making him bump into her. "Awkward?" she repeated and tilted her head. "Why would things be awkward?"

"You know what I mean," Sonny gave her a meaningful look until she shifted on her feet. "I was there, remember?"

"Sadly," she flatly said. "But you know what? Over it. Done. It's been a month and I'm over it."

"I know you're mad-"

"Oh no, no," she shook her head. "I'm not mad."

"Really?" Sonny knew that tight, sour smile meant Rafael was still in her bad graces.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "Even though he lied and chose to be with some woman who manipulated him, he has all the freedom to do it. I-" she gestured at herself, "-am simply removing myself from the situation because I'm pretty sure if I had him in front of me I might murder him - wait…" she pretended to think about it for a second before saying, "No, I'm sure I would murder him."

Sonny sighed. "Montserrat, if you would just listen to what Rafael has to say then you would see that it's not what it looks like."

Because it wasn't like Rafael hadn't already tried. He'd struggled to get Montserrat to listen to him for just a minute, even more to just stand still but...Montserrat was adamant that the choice had been made. He made it so it was only fair that she make hers...even though her choice was being made out of spite, something Rafael had mistakenly pointed out which brought out a whole new type of argument. (Sonny may or may not have sat Rafael down afterwards to go over everything he'd done wrong).

"Sorry," Montserrat waved Sonny off, "I have better things to do."

"Montserrat-" Sonny called as the woman backtracked towards the elevator.

"Seriously," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "And feel free to mention that murder part. I may be over it, but I hold a wicked grudge. I've been lenient this past month but I'm done now."

"Montse-"

"Maybe this is another reason why we shouldn't be together - I might kill him on the first date," Montserrat shrugged ever-so-casually with her wide, innocent smile.

Oh yeah, she was still furious. It was the quiet type of furious which, generally, turned out to be worse than the loud, screaming fury.

~ 0 ~

"See, this is the only video we have," Damian played the security feed of the final evaluation he and Gael did before the building collapsed.

Montserrat, Gael and Calhoun leaned forwards on the table to see the computer screen.

"But that's not it," Gael pointed with a deep scowl on his face. "That's the very last one - the one after I had checked for everything. It makes me look like I barely did my job."

"Okay, so we have to find that other security feed," Calhoun said. "And in the meantime, I'll be taking that video-" she pointed at the screen, "-as part of the evidence."

"But it's got me showing that I did nothing!" Gael exclaimed. "Why would you want to show people that?"

"Because the label is wrong," Calhoun said sharply. "And that means someone intentionally labeled it wrong."

"So it's part of the bigger evidence," Montserrat said for her brother's sake. "Proves that they were switched intentionally."

"Okay, then we gotta go back to work and find that other video," Gael rose from his seat but both Montserrat and Calhoun brought him back down.

"You cannot go back there until the investigation is over," Calhoun practically snapped so Montserrat went ahead and explained.

"If you go back, the D.A will make it look like you were going to plant something to prove your innocent. It's better if you stay far away from there until we figure things out."

"But what am I supposed to do!?"

"Be with your daughters?" Montserrat very wisely reminded him. "They really need you, especially Juliana."

Gael sighed. He learned of his teenage daughter's 3 day suspension when he first got out on bail and was overly upset with her, though he did understand her behavior sprang from his situation. Now as his trial had begun, he really strove to make sure both his daughters weren't in the fires of the media. "I suppose they do."

"Let us take care of it," Damian said. "I can go back and look for that video."

"If you do, be sure to have another employee with you so they don't claim you planted it," Calhoun warned then pointed a finger at Montserrat. "You're banned from that building as well."

"I know," the ginger woman rolled her eyes. "I'm not new at this, you remember right?"

Calhoun's smile was the definition of a frenemy. "Just do your job detective and I will do mine."

"This is my job right now," Montserrat reminded the woman as the latter prepared to leave the apartment. "So keep me updated at all times."

"I know," Calhoun playfully rolled her eyes. It was truly novelty being on the same side. "See you in court tomorrow."

When she was gone, Gael readied to leave as well. "I'm picking up Ivana and then Juliana early. Maybe we can have lunch or something."

"Honestly, that's the best thing you can do right now," Damian told him. "Just be with your girls. Montserrat and I have this."

"He means I got this since, reminder, being a detective is my job," Montserrat folded her arms over her chest. "It's literally what I do to eat."

"Still, I don't want you guys overexerting yourself on my case," Gael looked between his sister and best friend. "So please get some sleep and just take care of yourselves."

"We're fine Gael," Montserrat smiled at him.

"No you're not," he said too fast for her liking. "You've got something going on and you won't say anything. And don't try denying it."

Montserrat rolled her eyes. She would not be discussing any of these problems with anyone. She hadn't even told Kara about it - though Kara had assumed who Montserrat's problem was before actually hearing the story from Sonny later on - and Montserrat planned to bury that awful moment. Was it healthy? Probably not. Did she care? Nope.

~0~

Damian and Montserrat had stayed in the latter's place going through more of the files Damian took from his job. Being as thorough as possible meant neither noticed the time pass by until Kara and Sonny walked into the apartment.

"You guys are still working?" Kara wasn't surprised at all. For the past week this had been the way she'd find her best friend, not to mention her apartment kept looking like a storage room than an actual apartment.

"Well, my brother's still being accused of murder so…" Montserrat's sarcasm made Kara roll her eyes. "And he's on trial."

"Did you guys find anything useful?" Sonny asked. He hoped the afternoon had been used only for work purposes and nothing else.

"I mean, I guess so?" Damian looked over to Montserrat for confirmation. "I found some papers that Montserrat thinks Calhoun can use."

"It's just the previous signed evaluations indicating Gael did previous evaluations for each stage of construction before the final one," Montserrat explained.

"That's great," Sonny smiled for her. "It's definitely helpful in the case."

"Is it?" Kara smiled almost like him.

"Yeah," the detective nodded his head. "It establishes that Gael did the required evaluations before the building was finished."

"Yeah, except we still don't have that security feed of the final evaluation," Montserrat sighed. She leaned back on her chair and folded her arms. "If we had that, we would end all of this once and for all."

Damian put down his side of papers and moved to Montserrat's side. His hand went on her shoulder as he bent down beside her chair. "Hey, first thing tomorrow I'm gonna go back to work and I'm not gonna leave until I find that video."

Montserrat met his look with a soft smile. She would love nothing more than to finally put an end to this nightmare. "I really wish I could go there too."

"You heard Calhoun. It's best if you don't. I've got an idea, why don't we grab some dinner?"

Sonny scowled. Wow, the guy didn't miss a chance did he?

"Or we could order in?" suggested Kara who walked up to Montserrat's other side.

Sonny then smiled. That's why I love her.

"Thanks guys, but I think I'll just head to bed." Montserrat pushed herself up to her feet and offered both Mackies a polite smile. She loved that they tried so hard to cheer her up, but she just wasn't in the mood. Lately, she wasn't in the mood for anything.

"Are you sure?" Kara asked. She shared the same disappointment as her brother.

"Yeah, I'm tired." Montserrat shrugged again. "I'll see you tomorrow. Oh-" she stopped by the doorway and looked directly at Sonny, "-and I may come back a little earlier to SVU. My desk better be cleaned up."

"Oh that's great," Kara was relieved to hear that at least some part of normality would come back to Montserrat's life. "I really hope this can all end. It's taking a toll on Montse and I'm worried about her."

"I'm gonna go to work tomorrow and find that damn video," Damian promised as he went back to the table to clean up the mess of papers.

"Do you have any idea where it could be?" Kara asked. She started helping him put the papers together. "I mean, what guarantee do you have that it's even in there?"

"Because the video disappeared the same day the building crashed and there's been more security ever since. No one could slip out with the video much less not be noticed on camera they're trying to leave with it." Damian neatly stacked the papers on one end of the table then looked up at his sister and Sonny. "I'm gonna find that video if it's the last thing I do. For Gael. For Montserrat." Once everything was set, he bid them goodnight and left.

"If this trial doesn't end soon, I'm afraid both my best friend and my brother are going to lose their minds," Kara sighed once they were alone. She expected more commentary from Sonny, but all she got was a small nod and a distant expression. "Sonny?" she called and because her voice was sharpened, he finally looked at her. "What's the matter with you?"

Sonny shook his head, one hand lightly tapping the top of the chair Montserrat had sat in. "Nothing."

"Do not take me for an idiot, Dominick Carisi. You've been acting strange and even though I know you and Rafael have formed this newfound, closer friendship, it doesn't account for this strange behavior." Kara made a gesture at his current stance and though she walked up to him he seemed to move away. "What are you doing?"

Sonny exhaled and made a gesture towards the hallway, meaning to indicate Montserrat but all that came out of his mouth was a sigh. He didn't mean to do that, but what was he supposed to say? That he was frustrated two of his friends were equally hurting? That his girlfriend's brother was actively trying to win over Montserrat?

His face scrunched. "I should go, Kara. There's work tomorrow, after all."

Kara raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you really going to do this?"

"Do what?" he flashed her a smile but the moment he did she pointed a finger at him.

"Don't you dare use that charming smile on me. Why won't you tell me what you're up to?"

"Because I'm not really up to anything?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I know that's a lie. You think I don't know when Rafael tries to talk with Montserrat? She comes home with a face as red as her hair."

"Sorry, doll, but I'm not up to anything."

"Mhm," Kara pretended to fix the lapels of his jacket by pressing it down. "Listen, I'll believe what you say but...if you do happen to come up with a way my best friend can be happy again, I'll love you a thousand times more."

There was a brief smile on Sonny's face before Kara looked up at him. "I gotta go," he said softly.

"Aha," Kara smiled and leaned on her toes to kiss him. "Go on then. Do nothing. Goodnight."

Sonny had to smile as he left the apartment.

~0~

Each night when Rafael visited Forlinis, it was usually always done to grab some nice dinner that he had no intention of cooking at home. It was usually accompanied by the drinks he just generally loved. But as of late, the entire past month, he came to drown himself in alcohol. And since Forlinis had a wide variety of drinks, he had a vast option list.

"I would hate to think how bad your liver is," Sonny came to take the empty stool beside Rafael. The ADA rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. You always drink but now you're overdoing it, don't you think?"

"I think I should be allowed to drink however much I want to," Rafael raised his glass in the air, showing off the tiny bit of alcohol left. He then drowned it all in two seconds and called for a new one.

Sonny nodded and watched the bartender go get a new drink. He wasn't surprised, least not anymore. It had been a very tough month. "This solves nothing."

Rafael graciously accepted his new drink filled to the brim. "I never said it did. Look it's been a very busy day therefore I deserve to end it however I want to." He pretended to salute with his glass then drank it down.

Sonny knew that was bullshit. He let Rafael finish his glass, once again, before speaking up. "I saw her, if you're interested."

"Mhm, and I saw her yesterday and two days before that…" Rafael pretended to do some calculations of how many times he'd seen Montserrat that always ended with an argument. "Yeah, and none of those times have gone well."

"Well, you just have to keep trying."

Rafael shook his head. Each day the discouragement became more and more evident on his face. And how could he not be? Each time he attempted to talk with Montserrat she would either a) shout at him to leave her alone or b) very calmly, but equally angry, tell him everything was done. She was done.

"I think I have finally expended my attempts," Rafael said. "Montserrat despises me and with good reasons."

"Yeah, but the thing is-" Sonny tilted his head, face scrunching, "-she doesn't really hate you. Hate would imply she's over things which is a clear lie. And you should know that Olivia has asked Montserrat to be on standby in case SVU needs her back earlier."

But Rafael didn't seem so surprised. "Yeah, Liv mentioned it to me earlier in the day."

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing, was I supposed to?"

Sonny once again tilted his head at him, his expression seeming more accusatory than anything.

"What do you want me to do!?" Rafael scowled and looked away. The fact that Sonny may have heard him huff was just another novelty. "I'm not gonna further ruin Montserrat. She wants to come back? That's great. It just means I'm going to have to talk with her about something else." The matter of 'when' was just one of the problems.

"You know I could facilitate that-"

"No," Rafael pointed a finger at the detective, warning him not to even try. Montserrat didn't need to be angry with Sonny as well. Even if he was irritating sometimes, Rafael appreciated Sonny's constant help throughout this horrible month. "You're not going to do anything anymore. Just tell me...how is she doing?"

"... she's alright, in what fits. They're getting new evidence for the trial which, actually, is really good. Damian's taking it upon himself to find that missing a video - the very video that would exonerate Gael from all charges."

Despite not facing Sonny, Rafael could see from the corner of his eye that the detective was waiting for him to say something. "Well I hope he does find it, then. Someone should make her happy."

Sonny rolled his eyes. "We're not doing this - you-" he snatched Rafael's glass right out of his hand, "-are not doing this."

"Doing what!?"

"Wallow in self pity, what else? That's unbecoming of you, not to mention plain weird," Sonny put the glass down on the counter, by his side.

"It's not pity, I'm just tired," Rafael slowly corrected as he glanced at the detective. "You can understand why, right?"

"Yes, I can, but it's not really over. Not yet."

"That's all great, Carisi, but it's over for tonight at least. I'm taking a break, one that I'm sure Montserrat would deeply love." Rafael pulled out a couple bills to cover his drinks then promptly got up from his stool. "So, thanks but...why don't you just go back to Kara or something? Don't want to make her mad too."

~0~

It took a lot of courage for Montserrat to walk into the D.A's building, much more into the office of the person she wasn't quite ready to see yet (not that, that had stopped him from trying to talk to her). She drew in a deep breath before walking - striding - into Rafael's office.

"Morning, we have to talk," she said in a jumbled tone.

Rafael was stunned to see her plopping down into the chair across his desk. "Morning…"

"So Olivia's asked me to come back - officially sometime later this week - and of course I agreed," Montserrat shrugged. Her tone was fast but she couldn't quite look Rafael in the eyes. "I'll only be away to attend my brother's ongoing trial but I'm pretty much back."

"Well, that's great for you. Honestly," Rafael was slow with his words, cautious really. He never expected her to come into his office and much less willingly speak to him without shouting.

"I'm just here so that we can both get on the same page about what happened. I think it goes without saying that I don't want anyone to know. Nothing happened. We're just normal co-workers."

"I understand what you want but I have to say that I'll have some trouble with that…"

"I had trouble with your choices but I made it through," the sourness covering Montserrat's words were out of her control. But if it stung, oh well. "Think you can do the same for me."

"I can certainly try but I have to say it would be a lot easier if you would just allow me 5 minutes to explain--"

"And we're done," Montserrat got up.

Rafael frowned at her and got up as well. "No, we're not."

She matched his frown with one of her own. Equally matched, the irony.

"You realize if you would just give me those five minutes we could end all of this."

"That would mean I would have to give in and I'll be damned if I do that anytime soon."

"Mature."

Montserrat's smile was both endearing and frustrating. "Get a taste of what you'd be in for." She was attractive yet about to kill him.

"You're making yourself miserable, Montserrat," Rafael moved around the desk until he was standing in front of Montserrat.

"No, you did that all on your own," she glared.

"So then let me fix it. Let me explain and if you still hate me afterwards I'll leave you alone for good. Five minutes and if you still don't want to talk to me, then I'll stop trying. You'll have some peace."

Montserrat looked away but there was a slight look of inclination. She might give in…

But it all disappeared when Olivia herself walked into the office. She was, of course, surprised to find Montserrat already there.

"I was waiting for Casey to finish her some paperwork so we could go to the trial together," Montserrat easily supplied the excuse then discreetly threw a look at Rafael to warm him not to say anything. "Thought I'd wait here in the meantime."

"I hope it all goes well," Olivia said, nonethewiser of went went on with those two.

"I'll be back to the precinct afterwards, though," Montserrat promised. "Are there any new cases I should know about?"

"We've got a new girl, Luna, who might tie back to Ellie Porter's death," Olivia looked at Rafael and Montserrat for that piece of news. "But we're going to need some help since Nick is the only one who can help bring closer our two connections."

"Nick?" went both Montserrat and Rafael. They then gave each other looks for their unintended synchrony.

"No wait a minute, I thought Nick was stuck doing deadbeat cop stuff in Queens?" Montserrat asked.

"He's the one who arrested Luna, actually. But we want to use him to get to Luna's pimp and make him think Nick is on his side."

"It could be believable since 1PP did sentence him to a lower status," Rafael considered the opportunities this little gig would bring them in their case.

"That, uh, sounds…" Montserrat scrunched her face, "Honestly, I just sounds like I have a lot of files to read through to catch up."

Olivia sent her a smile. "It's all waiting for you when you get back."

"Goodie," Montserrat chuckled and started on her way out. She didn't bother looking back. Why should she? It wouldn't change a damn thing.

~0~

There were various trials going on in the courthouse. SVU had one going for an earlier case, at the same time Montserrat had her brother's trial.

She painstakingly sat through her brother's trial and silently listened to all the baseless accusations the prosecutor, Geraghty, threw at her brother. My God she hated that woman. 

"I hate that I can't find that video," Damian muttered after they walked out of the courtroom.

"We'll find it," Montserrat tried her best to sound as positive as possible, but that missing video was seriously screwing them up.

Calhoun had already told them - warned them - that if they didn't find the missing video, their chances of winning were half and half. Montserrat wanted the full 100%.

From the other end of the hallway, Olivia was leading the way out of their own trial. "Tell me we've got this guy."

"It's basically a done deal," Rafael told her and Sonny. "No matter what he says, he's screwed."

Olivia seemed to believe him. She nodded and motioned Sonny to follow her out.

Of course for some reason Rafael called Carisi back all of a sudden. The detective in question slowly returned after getting the ok from Olivia.

"What is it, councilor?" Sonny asked but for the first few seconds Rafael didn't answer.

He was watching something, or rather someone. He finally understood what Sonny had been trying to tell him all month. There was Montserrat with Damian, talking yet the latter seemed to be unable to keep his hands off the former.

And it made his blood boil.

The worst bit was the fact Montserrat seemed to be taking comfort in Damian's touch. She had that warm, relieved smile on her face and her glossy eyes which could only mean she was close to crying. And about what? Her brother's trial. It had to be going bad.

"Councilor?" Sonny broke through Rafael's concentration. "Did you need something?"

"Yes," Rafael answered in a low mutter. He grabbed Sonny's arm, a bit harder than he intended to. "You know that stuff I said about giving myself and Montserrat a break?"

"Yeah…" Sonny was now giving him a strange look.

"Forget about it. One more time. I'm going to do it one more time and you're going to help me."

"Really?" Sonny's eyebrows raised. He didn't think Rafael would get over it so quickly, but then he noticed what Rafael had been looking at and completely got it. "You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Shut up," Rafael ordered and pointed a finger behind them. "Now listen because you're going to bring Montserrat into the conference room. Got it?"

"Got it. How do I do that?"

Rafael's smile was promising.

~0~

"Look Sonny, I haven't actually caught up on the cases," Montserrat trailed after Sonny down the courthouse hallways. "Actually, I haven't read at all. I'm gonna need a few more days before I actually return to SVU."

"That's okay, Liv just wanted a word with you," Sonny turned the conference room's doorknob and gestured for Montserrat to go in first.

"Well I don't imagine what about considering I'm way behind," the ginger walked in and went around the table only to see Olivia wasn't anywhere inside. "Where's Liv?"

"She's back at the precinct, where else?" Rafael came striding in much like she when she'd visited him the day before.

Montserrat tilted her head, eyes squinting a bit as she thought.

"What are you doing?" Rafael asked her. He expected her to start yelling the moment she realized she'd been tricked. The fact she was quiet was scary. Yes, she actually managed to scare her sometimes. That idea was still troubling to him.

"I'm thinking…" Montserrat answered in an eerie calm voice.

"About how to talk calmly?" Sonny went with the most hopeful reason he could think of.

"Noooo," Montserrat whispered, still thinking, "I'm thinking that a premeditated murder would get me a longer sentence so I won't think about murdering you -- I'll just do it!" And she actually ran, almost charged, for the detective.

"Montserrat, stop!" Rafael moved in front of Sonny as if the woman would actually cause him harm. "This is between you and me so let's finally finish this, alright? One more time and then we're done. I swear!"

Montserrat turned her head slightly, looking him over with a natural suspicion. "Is that a promise?"

"I give you my word."

Montserrat backed away and gestured Sonny to leave. Before the detective actually left, he stopped by Rafael's side and whispered. "You know what you're doing, councilor? She's pretty pissed."

Montserrat walked towards the other end of the room, mentally preparing herself for this awful moment.

"I just need 5 minutes with her, I know it," Rafael sounded pretty convinced which led Sonny to wonder what the ADA had up his sleeve. All Rafael knew was that he almost had Montserrat yesterday if Olivia hadn't interrupted them. That was what gave him hope that it wasn't all over.

"Good luck," Sonny said with all the genuine care he had. He might actually dream tonight about Montserrat charging at him.

When she heard the door close, Montserrat finally pulled her gaze from the mahogany table. "That was a low trick and you know it."

"It was the only thing that would get you here, isn't it?" Rafael countered with the perfect argument. Montserrat folded her arms, lips pressing against each other since she knew he was right.

She absolutely hated that he was always right.

"What do you want from me?" came her quiet question. "Because, frankly, I'm a little confused. You told me to move on and I tried but now you're here trying to unravel what I've been working on so hard. I don't get it…" her voice cracked towards the end.

"That's what I've been trying to explain this past month, Montserrat, but you haven't given me the chance--"

"Don't you dare pin this on me!" she snapped. She stormed up to him with the deepest scowl that could mar her face. "I gave you ample time to speak up, but you always told me the same things. 'No, we can't.' 'It's unprofessional.' 'We need to stop'. It's only now - when I finally realized you had Yelina on the side - that you want to talk with me."

Rafael's hands shot in front of him, curling and uncurling in frustration. "For the last time - there is nothing between Yelina and I!"

Montserrat laughed in his face and turned away from him. "Sure. She's only the reason you were late to my brother's arraignment and you know, Kara pointed out to me that you didn't have to come. I should've just been grateful that you showed up. But that's not true. You made a promise and you blew me off for the woman who tried manipulating you."

"I didn't know she was going to suddenly drop back into my life. And the only reason I accepted to meet with her is because I didn't want her coming into my office - which she clearly did anyways. But I swear to God, all we did was have lunch - well, we danced around with words but that was it."

Montserrat shook her head. She kept her back to him so that could buy some time and get rid of the tears in her eyes. "Why lie about it, then?"

"Because I didn't think it was important?" Rafael flinched with her humorless laugh.

"Didn't think it was important," she repeated.

"It wasn't!" He had enough and grabbed her arm to turn her around, forcing her to finally look at him. "She wasn't important and I just didn't want to bring that up when you already had so much problems. I wanted to help you find the solution, not add to your list."

"How'd that work out for you?" Montserrat looked him dead in the eyes.

Rafael could look her in her glossy eyes and openly admit it. "You're in pain and I'm the reason for it. Worst mistake of my life."

Montserrat's scoff was a low and quiet one, like she was making herself do it. She didn't exactly have anymore words to keep fighting. She was too tired to keep arguing.

"Montserrat, please," he touched her face, immediately freezing her. She watched his hand as it stroked gentle circles over her cheek and then near her jaw. She had to physically stop herself from shuddering. He let her slowly walk her backwards until her back pressed against the edge of the table. "I've messed up several times and I am so sorry. I only wanted to do what was best for you but...I may just be selfish by coming back to you." His hands ran down the sides of her body, sending tingles down her back but she wouldn't push him away. 

"I hate you," she whispered, sounding like she was out of breath. 

"I know," he whispered back. "But if you give me a chance…" he nuzzled his nose on the side of her face, letting her feel his patterned breath against her cheek, "...I would really like to make you happy. You deserve to be happy."

Montserrat let her eyes fall close. She was so weak for his touch it was honestly ridiculous. When did this happen? When she first started in SVU, she was very sure that she didn't want any of his hands on her because he was outright annoying. Now she never wanted his hands to let her go...and she really wanted him to stop toying with her and move those lips of his onto hers.

Seriously, when did all this happen?

She moved her hands to press against his chest and push him away a bit, though it didn't really seem to do much since they only had minuscule inches between them. "That night...in your office, why was Yelina coming to see you?"

"Montserrat, is that really what you want to keep discussing about?"

"I need to know. She walked in like she owned the place..."

"That's just her personality. She came in because I cut our lunch short. That was it."

"She's someone clearly important to you and I...I'm really tired, Rafael. I don't want to keep arguing, much less fighting with some other woman."

"Yeah, she was important to me...once. But that ended a very long time ago. You are important to me now," he pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes at the same time she did. "I've laid everything out for you. In conclusion, you basically own me." Montserrat couldn't help but chuckle and hearing her laughter gave Rafael new hope that things were turning out good.

"Bring in your job why don't you," Montserrat opened her eyes.

"It's bound to happen at some point," Rafael did the same and opened his eyes. "You'd find out if we, uh..." 

Montserrat's breath hitched when he purposely came closer to let his lips hover over hers. All Montserrat could smell right now was him and his cologne and that alone was enthralling. Her hands gripped the lapels of his blazer and the little bit that she tilted her head up brought them to the point that they were one move away from a kiss. "I want to kill you," she said flatly, though a small smile spread across her face in the next minute. "But I think I might just be saying that more often now." She rolled her eyes when he smirked not-so-subtly. "And wipe that smirk off your face."

"Make me," he challenged.

She'd save the snap for his smugness for another day. She kissed him like she'd been wanting to for such a long time. It was a hungry kiss that let all their initial feelings and tension out of the cages they'd worked so hard to keep shut. Rafael could finally throw that caution away and would never have to think about it again (or maybe just a tiny bit for later who knew). He wrapped his arms around Montserrat's waist and hoisted her up on the table. There was a slight laugh murmuring against his lips but his rough kiss silenced her. But with seconds passing he came to realize that Montserrat had her own tricks and ways because no matter how much he tried to be in control, she was pulling the strings. And the right ones too. She had him following her lips in whatever way she moved them. Her hand had found a way to tug his neatly-kept hair at the right moments that would inadvertently make him kiss harder each time, and once she figured it out she took good advantage of it. 

Eventually, they parted to catch their breaths but Montserrat showed her widest smirk possible. She passed her tongue over her teeth, almost inviting him to come back. She passed her hands over his chest, letting them drift under his blazer until they found his suspenders and she was able to pull him right up to him.

"You've surprised me, detective," Rafael murmured, still breathless.

Montserrat arched an eyebrow at him. "Really? Well...just in case you were thinking about going back to...that woman." He rolled his eyes at her. "I dare you to forget me after that kiss...and the ones to come."

[anncanta]

Dracula BBC as an alchemical novel

I noticed a long time ago that the stories that S. Moffat and M. Gatiss tell do not just have two or three layers (in fact, much more), but most often turn out to be such a complex field in which all the numerous levels work independently and at the same time manage to merge into a holistic melody. Actually, this is why their texts often ‘from the outside’ look strange, incomprehensible or meaningless (apart from those cases when they really are like this).

The thing is that stories of this kind are arranged in such a way that the plot, as a frame, ‘holding’ ideas and meanings on itself, is, so to speak, open — like a system of corridors leading in different directions, up and down, into those dimensions of the narrative that are currently needed by the authors in order to convey their statement.

In this respect, the genre is very important, because by structuring the story at the formal level, it allows, let’s say, to enter it and understand where to move from the entrance. And there — well, depending on how far you are willing to go.

One of the best definitions of the Dracula genre that I have seen among the reviews written so far is a metaphysical detective.

Some might say that the term looks artificial, but bearing in mind that the story itself seems to be enough… hybrid, it would be fine to start a conversation.

This really has everything a good detective novel needs, plus philosophical and (almost) religious motives organically woven into the narrative, the idea of self-knowledge that pushes the boundaries of any genre, and a mysterious ending. So it’s easy to agree with the above definition.

But I would say that this is an alchemical novel.

Let me remind those who have not come across the works of C.G. Jung, who in his later work paid much attention to alchemy and secret religious practices: in the context of his research, alchemy is a way of self-knowledge and one’s own psyche in order to achieve a higher level of development and gaining mental and spiritual integrity.

History of literature knows several rather interesting attempts to describe the alchemical Work and, since cinema in this sense is no worse, if you wish, you can immediately name a dozen films that also touch on this topic. Well, Sherlock, being viewed from a certain angle quite fits into this paradigm, and I will not even start about Harry Potter — this is a classic of Jungian thought, expressed in literature and successfully transferred to the cinema.

What about Dracula? Everything is very interesting in it.

The first thing to note is that Dracula’s structure is not a mini-series. It’s not a TV show at all. This is a three-part film, all parts of which are closely related to each other so that none of them can be ‘taken out’ from the text without losing meaning and understanding what is happening here.

The second, — it is undoubtedly a novel. The novel as a genre has many definitions, I will not give them here, I will only mention an element that is important for our conversation, without which a modern novel is impossible. This is the growing up and inner change of the hero. If the hero came to the end of the work, being not the same he was at the beginning, most likely we have a novel. Another question is how the hero came to these changes.

And here the third aspect is important — the way the story is told and the ‘language’ used by the authors.

Act I

Dracula begins with a young man standing in the middle of a dark forest and waiting for a carriage that will take him to the medieval castle of some mysterious Count. A girl comes out of the carriage in which the young man reached this place, and asks him to take the crucifix with him, assuring him that he will certainly need it. The carriage leaves, the young man remains in the forest.

Look, you can ‘exit’ from this scene both into a gothic novel (in principle, an entertainment genre, to which you can add a couple of additional meanings if you wish) and into an alchemical story. The exposition will be the same. Let’s suppose we are talking about an alchemical novel. For now, just suppose.

Dark forest is a place between worlds, between everyday life and the other world, between consciousness and unconsciousness, between daytime reality and nighttime. Place of transition, no one’s land. The laws of consciousness are no longer dominant here, but the unconscious does not yet dominate. You can also talk with those who live in the real world and get from them the so-called ‘magic item’, which may help the hero in the future, but it is already difficult to return. And — what is important — you can only travel further with a guide from the unconscious. Carriages from the outside world don’t go there.

The young man is picked up by a strange cart with a mysterious charioteer, after which, having driven some distance through the forest, he finds himself at the gates of an ancient castle. Going inside, he sees an empty room and a table set for dinner. This is the second point of transition if you follow the logic of archetypal storytelling. While Johnny is nothing more than a guest, a stranger, a man who has nothing to do with this castle or its inhabitants. He crossed the border of the unconscious but did not enter into a relationship with it. And here he does what the fairy tales strongly advise against doing to everyone who finds himself in such circumstances — he tries local food.

The game is on. From that moment — not from the first bite, but from this moment, Johnny enters the reality of Dracula, the reality of his castle, and begins to interact with forces that are incomprehensible and beyond his control.

But this is not the most interesting thing.

Let’s skip the moment of the Count`s appearance — here the authors again make a nod to the gothic novel, and the whole situation logically unfolds like an old horror movie, exactly until the moment when several new details appear in the narrative.

The first is the invisible inhabitants of the castle, who write on the glass with inverted letters ‘save us’, and the second is a journey through the castle-labyrinth and the discovery of the map.

Remember I said that this story could be a gothic novel, and the plot is quite like a gothic novel? So, forget it. From now, there is no way to return to this genre. The gothic novel is about controlled horror. It’s about tickling your nerves in a safe environment. In this form, it moved into the cinema and settled there in the form of horror films. It has no other functions and building blocks. Moreover, the symbolic details. The scary house there is always just a scary house, and the worms crawl out of the walking dead because it looks disgusting, and the viewers love the thrill.

But let’s back to Dracula.

Why are the castle-labyrinth and map important? On a metaphorical level, the house represents a person, that Self that a person knows, ‘builds’ throughout life and which belongs to it. A castle-labyrinth in which it is easy to get lost, which does not have a map, indicates a lost person.

And it was not Johnny who was here lost.

Have you ever thought about why, after being sucked dry and killed, the lawyer threw himself from the roof of the castle and was fished out of the river by fishermen, Dracula did not leave him alone and went to the convent after him?

What does this ‘bride’ mean to him, in no use as a food, dagger stares and pursed lips, and even threatens to fight Dracula while walking on the ground? Although it is doubtful he could fight — he could barely keep his feet.

Pride? Wounded amour-propre? A sense of ownership?

No.

In order to understand why Dracula came for Johnny, you need to return to the search for the map and remember where Harker found it.

In the depths of one of the corridors of the castle hung two portraits — the image of the architect who built the house and his wife. About which ones the architect himself refers in his notes as the Moon and the Sun.

It is noteworthy that a woman is the Sun here, while in the alchemical tradition, the solar energy is male, and the lunar energy is female. I think this is part of the inverted reality of the Count`s psyche, where landmarks are confused and roles are changed. For what it’s worth, such landmarks are enough for Harker to find a way out.

But it’s important for us to understand who Johnny is.

He is not a victim of Count Dracula. Rather, from the point of view of the plot, he is his victim, but at the symbolic level, his function is completely different.

Jonathan Harker is a figure from the outside world who comes to the house of a person whose psyche is immersed in chaos, who himself does not know what is in his house, and is able to get lost in it himself, keeps monsters in the basement and feeds on them. This person has lost touch with reality in the literal sense of the word. (For anyone interested, read about literalized metaphors in British literature.) And then someone comes to him, and involuntarily begins to order his chaotic world.

It is no coincidence that during one of his conversations with the Count Johnny hears a crying baby. At the level of the plot, this is a real baby that Dracula carries for his next ‘bride’ imprisoned in the basement of the castle. But at the symbolic level, where all the inhabitants of the castle are parts of the soul of the Count himself, the baby is his split-off child self. Of course, destined for murder. And turned into a child of the night.

What happens next? At the moment when the process of ordering the psyche and contact with the outside world is launched, it is already difficult to stop it. Therefore, Dracula with a manic passion rushes to the convent and tries to regain Johnny. But the function of the guide has been exhausted. Other forces come into play.

Act II

The central scene of what is happening in the convent is undoubtedly the scene of the meeting between Dracula and Agatha. And in their meeting, everything is important, literally every detail. Strikingly, it is harmoniously built both on the plot and on the symbolic level. There is literally no redundant element there.

We will only note the main ones so as not to get bogged down in details.

The first moment — Dracula went out into the outside world, but he cannot just appear there. Until now, his whole life has passed in darkness — both literally and symbolically. We do not know what made him so, but he obviously at some point in his life fell back to animal, primitive instincts. Therefore, in order to leave his world and exist in the real, in the world of consciousness, he needs to transform.

This is the first transformation of the hero that we see — when at the gates of the monastery Dracula is ‘born’ from the skin of a beast.

Having been born, he approaches the gates, which are opened to him by a genuine, not escheat, and fake bride — Agatha. Anima.

And she doesn’t give him any indulgences.

In Jungian literature, it is often mentioned that meeting with an archetype is a difficult and rather painful thing. Especially if the person is not ready for it. And, of course, it is extremely dangerous to project archetypal qualities onto a real person who can represent them for a specific man or woman. But this is in life. And a work of art`s entitled to combine symbolic and real layers in one context.

Agatha treats Dracula harshly, in a semblance of an erotic scene, giving an outlet for his insane disordered sexual and animal energy, in some way, ‘shaking’ him and allowing his inner chaos to restructure and acquire a consistency suitable for connecting with the new and the unknown.

And then the victim, close contact, an attempt to absorb — and the hero falls into his Anima and at the same time goes to a new world on a journey on the water.

Act III

I think that the symbolism of water (amniotic fluid, the water of the unconscious, water as an information and life medium) is not worth explaining. But what is happening with Dracula in the sealed world of the mother’s womb — the ship, in order for no one to have any doubts, called Demeter, needs to be considered more closely.

From this moment, from the moment when his romance with Agatha starts and begins to develop, Dracula’s relations with other people become extremely important. Until now, he had no relationships with people. The ‘brides’ in the castle are nothing more than food and separate parts of his own personality. The first person he established a real relationship with was Johnny. And this — on one of the levels — is another reason why Dracula was so attached to him. You never forget first love.

On Demeter, the Count consecutively comes into contact with several people.

What kind of people they are is very important.

The first is still just a victim. A sailor-helmsman, whom Dracula eats only because he needs a specific quality that the man has. This is how children are friends with those from whom you can ask for a useful thing or write off homework. After the object’s function is completed, the friendship ends.

It’s more difficult with the Grand Duchess. This is a story about memory, desire, and youth, Dracula`s question to himself — can I be liked, and if I can, then why: because my appearance evokes memories of youth or because I am interesting on my own? The dance as part of their interaction indicates an attempt to ‘taste’ the relationship (the Anima looks in-depth with a smile) but turns into a bloodbath.

What is important here is that as the ship sails further into the sea, and the relationship between Dracula and Agatha becomes more and more intimate, the Count begins to get more and more nervous, and his instincts, at first completely tamed for a distant goal, become more and more out of control.

He collected these passengers in advance, calculating how many people he needed to eat in order to safely get to England. And in the first two days, he ate half of them. The tension rises, the anxiety elevates, no one is safe. Including Dracula.

The meeting with Dorabella on deck (I just want to say — ‘date’) is a naive attempt to flirt, a conscious — not a vampire’s natural — desire to please, a short, but independently built with great difficulty dialogue. The portrayal of her possible married life shown to the girl is a gift that is discouraging in its brutality. And the conclusion: no, nothing will come of it. ‘I am a vampire.’

But if you have already gone out into the outside world, do not expect that you will be able to hide. Whatever you think, but you have made your choice.

After the murder of Dorabella, the ship literally ‘boils’, the hidden truth comes to the surface in the literal sense, and Agatha reappears on the scene.

Act IV

Many viewers ask: why did Agatha take command of the ship?

And who else should be the captain of the ship called Demeter under these circumstances?

Falcons give way to turtle doves.

But let’s back to the text.

The confrontation-connection of Dracula and his Anima lasts for some time, after which it logically ends with immersion of both in water.

And here is another interesting point. The first part of the alchemical Work is completed, the hero went through two transformations, began to communicate with living people, and even made some progress, but in order to consolidate the result, the psyche must close off from the world and allow deep processes to take place inside. Therefore, Dracula falls asleep at the bottom for 123 years, and Agatha fell off the map.

In the XXI century, the updated Count discovers that everything has changed, but the hunt for vampires is still relevant, and he himself is quite ready for new achievements.

The trouble is that he has already learned the taste of the genuine, and therefore surrogates are not to his liking.

When I watched the film for the first and second time, I just couldn’t understand why Lucy was needed there. Silly, superficial, narcissistic, she has no interest in anything other than herself and her Instagram images.

‘How could such a girl interest Dracula?!’ viewers around the world yell. And they are right.

How indeed?

Well, she couldn't.

In order to understand what Lucy’s role in this story is, you need to watch the film from the very beginning. Then it becomes clear that Dracula’s relationship with her, their dialogues, interaction, jokes and flirting, her willingness to voluntarily let him drink her blood is a complete parallel, a repetition of the Count’s relationship with Agatha. Having found the experience of deep love within himself and has found a connection with his soul, the hero is desperately trying to reproduce it — and fails.

Review these scenes. How he looks at Lucy, how he walks arm in arm with her, how he tells her what a brave and extraordinary girl she is, how he holds her on his lap, and asks where she wants to go. In fact, he does everything he did with Agatha. But doing all this, he has empty eyes. An indifferent look, mechanical movements, and bitterness at the bottom. He has a young beautiful woman in his arms, she is obviously in love with him, although she hides it, she is ready for anything to make him feel good. And he is bored.

In the eyes turned to Lucy, not the greed of a vampire is — there are darkness, sadness, and endless repetition: ‘Not her, not her, not her.’

But the psyche, especially the psyche of an adult, does not simply abandon its habits, so Dracula repeats with Lucy the entire cycle that has already passed with all his ‘brides’. The catch is that Lucy is not attached to him, but to admiration for her own beauty, and when beauty disappears, their illusory connection falls apart, turning into horror and contempt. But here, too, not everything is so simple.

In the scene in Dracula’s house, where Lucy realizes who she has become, an important parallel arises.

Look. There are four characters in the room. The situation is difficult, tense, the conflict reaches its limit until it is resolved through love. But how is it resolved?

I mean, what does it look like structurally?

It’s very simple. The man and the ‘monster’ stand and watch the kissing of the man and the ‘monster’ next to them.

And then something happens not only with Jack and Lucy, who finally managed to find peace but also with Dracula. This is the highest point from which there is only one path — to catharsis. The fact that Agatha led him there is logical and obvious, but up to this point, he was not ready for it.

And the final scene. When all the pieces are on the board, all conflicts are realized and all the ghosts are brought to light, there are no enemies left. Except for himself. Except for that, which he didn’t allow himself to do. Except for the fear of being yourself.

The ending of this film is the pinnacle of the alchemical process. Transformation. At the level of the plot, physical death, freeing a five-hundred-year-old vampire and a woman who loved him for many years. And at the symbolic level — going beyond one’s own limits and gaining integrity.

Therefore, in the final, we see the sun. The sun is a symbol of a purified consciousness, transformed and fully realized itself.

Epilogue

For those to whom the interpretation that I have presented here seems strange or stretch, I will separately note the following. Any interpretation is, to one degree or another, a figment of the imagination of the viewer or reader, although, unlike postmodern literary scholars, I believe that there are right and wrong interpretations. And the correct interpretation is not at all what the author wanted to say. This is what the story wanted to say. Often they are not the same thing.

And the second, closely related to the first: no, I do not think that S. Moffat and M. Gatiss put such meaning in their story. I think that European culture, with its multi-layered nature and the ability to reflect on complex experiences through symbolic stories, is that powerful semantic field that generates such tales regardless of the wishes of screenwriters and writers. And that seems wonderful to me.

[lovelyirony]

Through flames and oceans (for the fic title)

u know. this was supposed to not go the direction it did. but it did. 

People say they will do a lot for love. They will walk through flames, cross an entire ocean for love.

Bruce tells himself that that’s the stupidest fucking thing people say. He, for one, will not do that. There is also the unspoken reason of that love really isn’t in the cards for him.

Currently, he’s running away from his ex-girlfriend’s dad, General Ross, because he may or may not have done some experimentation and turned into a rage monster, but also revealed some state secrets.

Come on, can you blame him? Cosmo said twenty-year-olds need to accomplish something before they hit thirty. And he’s quite sure he just made the list.

But as for love, he is thinking about it right now because his ex-girlfriend found a very nice girl named Valkyrie, and they’re kind of set to have an engagement party, and “would you please come to the United States to help us celebrate?”

Betty is a wonderful woman, really and truly. And Bruce is okay with how their relationship ended, because it’s not like Bruce could come to family dinner and expect anything besides murder or maybe cold potatoes. And Betty deserved someone far better than him, and from the picture that was sent, it looks like Valkyrie is an amazing catch.

But there is the small matter of making it to the States without getting caught. He is on quite a lot of “no-fly” and “travel restrictive” protocols. This sucks, by the way. He had frequent flier miles saved up and everything.

It sucks, at least, until he remembers Tony’s number and calls it.

(Tony had given him his number, but sometimes he forgets that four and nine are two distinctly different numbers.)

“Brucie, baby! What can I get for you? Don’t worry, the government hasn’t been able to tap my phone calls since I was seventeen and mostly joking about finding out where their secret weapons storage is.”

“Betty’s having her engagement party, and I’m invited. I kind of need a ride home.”

“Where are you located at, right now?”

“Buenos Aires.”

“You lucky son of a bitch, god I miss it there. You having a good time?”

“When I’m avoiding government agents, yes.”

“Hm, well i’m sending a new employee of mine to go and get you. Big guy, probably Swedish.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t presume if someone’s Swedish or not, Bruce. I’m a terrible person, but not that terrible.”

“I...I don’t follow your sense of humor.”

“No one does, that’s why celebrities call me avant garde and ahead of my time.”

“Good to know. What’s your new guy’s name?”

“Thor.”

“Are you...are you fucking with me?”

"Darling, you’d be having a much better time if I was.”

“I don’t like the energy we’re manifesting here,” Bruce deadpans.

Tony snorts. “Okay, hippie. He’ll be there by tomorrow morning. Just stay tight where you are, sugar.”

-

Thor is a gigantic man. He parts crowds like it’s what he was meant to do, and maybe it is. Bruce stares up at him.

“Hello Dr. Banner,” Thor says, smiling gently. “You are Dr. Ross’s friend, right?”

“Um...yeah. I am.”

“Excellent. I’m a friend of Valkyrie’s, is it okay if I go ahead and fly out to the airport nearest their house?”

“Uh, is Tony okay with that?”

“Of course. And we can stop at your house if you need anything.”

“Oh, I don’t have a house. Or an apartment. You would not believe how much the US government hates my credit score.”

Thor chuckles a little bit, leading him back to a nondescript car.

“Right this way.”

-

Thor is cool as a cucumber on the outside, as they’re driving. He’s mindlessly tapping on his phone as Bruce stares out the window.

Inside? Oh, Thor hates Val for this. So much.

so, you didn’t think to send me a picture of dr. banner? just the address?

lmaooooo called it. betty owes me something now. fuckin nerd. just ask him out.

no. we still have to bypass american security

which you are “old hat” at. or did i forget that you nearly almost charmed the pants off of one of the airline people?

we don’t speak of that.

relax. stark’s taking care of it anyway.

The airplane ride home is uneventful, thank god. One of Tony’s jets awaits, and the pilot is very surprised to see a man who ranks number four on America’s Most Wanted List to be there.

“You...you know Tony?”

“And you know what an NDA is,” Tony announces over the intercom. “Bruce, welcome. Mimosas are premade, in stock. Sit back and enjoy the ride! Thor, you do what you gotta do to make sure Bruce stays safe. Enjoy the bridal shower!”

The pilot is a bit apprehensive. But mostly okay. Bruce promises nothing’s going to happen, he’s just going to drink tea and catch up on news about the current state of things.

Bruce gets bored with finding out that things are still terrible, so he talks to Thor.

“So...are your parents just really into Norse mythology, or did they know you’d come out a huge guy who has the potential to probably stop Ragnarok?”

Thor chuckles, the laugh rumbling and deep.

(Okay, that’s hot.)

"My parents’ names were Odin and Frigga. You could say they were traditionalists when it came to my brother and I.”

“You mean...?”

“He embodies the name a bit too well for my taste, but yes.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Yeah. Let me tell you about the time we accidentally crashed a fashion week thing...” 

Bruce laughs a lot about that story. Thor’s laugh is majestic, and they sit a little bit closer. 

-

By the time the plane lands, they’re great friends and Thor reaches over Bruce in the baggage area and wow that man has very defined muscles. 

Not that that’s important. No, that’s like. Not important at all. So what if Thor is very well-muscled and maybe this will play into Bruce’s intrusive thoughts/daydream thoughts at later intervals? Does not matter. At all. 

(Oh god the man smells like salty ocean air Bruce has got it so so bad. So Bad.) 

- 

Tony greets them at the landing pad with a wide grin, eyes lighting up. 

“Well, don’t you two make the happy couple,” he teases. Bruce turns red. This does not go unnoticed. 

“Bruce, honestly, you run away from government and my friendship, and this is what gets you--” 

“A bridal shower? To get me home? Yes,” Bruce says, cutting in not-at-all smoothly. “Now, where are Betty and her bride staying at?” 

“Oh, they’re staying at the cutest little bed and breakfast for their bridal shower. Rented out the whole thing--well Pepper did, it was our wedding gift to them, and of course I mean Pep’s wedding gift, because I have something else planned-” 

“Please tell me that you do not have a house bought for them,” Thor says. 

“Complete with a laboratory and gymnasium,” Tony says with a wink. “I’m kidding, they already have a house. I just kind of kicked them out for a week while I remodel their entire kitchen. Val gave me the colors, I was surprised that she has taste.” 

“If she hears you say that, she’ll kick your ass.” 

“Which is why she won’t,” Tony reminds Thor. “Now, let’s get to unpacking. Bruce, I’m getting you some good shampoo, holy shit your hair sucks.” 

“Thank you Tony, I love and value our friendship and our kindness towards each other as well,” Bruce deadpans. 

“Oh come on, you have to look good. It’s your ex’s wedding party!” 

“You make us sound so dramatic,” Bruce says with a snort. “We broke up. Big deal.” 

“You and Betty...?” Thor asks. 

“Yeah, but it’s fine. We were dating, and then I pissed off her dad, who happens to be a general. I mean, also the government. But mostly her dad.” 

“Wow.” 

Thor’s type shouldn’t be feral scientist. But it is. 

They’re led inside, and Tony bids them goodbye. 

“Duty calls,” Tony says airily, waving. “Make yourself at home, don’t put coffee grounds down the disposal or I will kick you out. Rogers is still nursing his wounds.” 

“Noted,” Bruce says. 

“I drink tea,” Thor answers. 

Bruce shares a look. 

“You too?” 

“Yeah, I prefer it over coffee most of the time.” 

Bruce smiles. 

“I think we’re going to get along.” 

- 

They have a couple of days until the wedding party, and Thor has never seen New York. Bruce is fairly sure that no one will even see him on the CCTV footage as long as he’s walking next to Thor, so he deems it good enough to go and get a bagel. 

Thor is a very gentle man. That’s a good quality. 

He smiles at a little girl, who is staring, open-mouthed. Even gives her a little wave. Bruce grins. 

“You like kids?” 

“I do. They mostly just want to have fun, want to see what the best of the world is. I think we all need that occasionally.” 

“I’ve never thought of that,” Bruce confesses. He takes a sip of his coffee.

“I love watching my cousins,” Thor continues. “The way they grow and figure it all out, it’s rewarding. What about your family?” 

Bruce freezes. 

“Um. I don’t exactly have a family.” 

“Then you’ll just have to meet some of my cousins,” Thor amends, smiling as he sips his drink. “You’d like them.” 

“I’d like that,” Bruce says, grinning. “What’s next on our New York agenda?” 

"I told Loki I’d visit some stores for him and pick up some items he’s been wanting.” 

-

Have you ever seen a sales associate from Chanel be terrified at your presence? No? It’s worth it. 

Bruce is kind of concerned. 

“I...are you...?” 

“My name is Robert, uncanny similarities,” Bruce responds. “We both were born in Ohio.” 

“Why is it always Ohio,” Thor mutters. “You reckon my brother would want this shoe or that?” 

“Ooh, definitely go with the heel. I think that’s good.”  

“Gotcha.” 

Next shop is Dior. 

This goes a bit out of hand. His whole line about being Robert with Incredible Similarity does not go as planned. 

He and Thor are on a subway, currently running away from some authority figures and calling Tony. 

“I was in the middle of learning drama about high society that I can use in my next romance novel, are you joking?” Tony hisses. 

“You write romance novels?” Thor asks. 

“Now is not the time to question that, I’m in the middle of making sure you get a car to your next stop. How well do you both know what a Chrysler is?” 

“The building, right?” 

“God, I hate you so much,” Tony groans. “No, um...it looks like the wing things that they give army people when they do something that I guess they think is cool.” 

“Oh. Okay. Get in that car?” 

“Yes. It’s gonna be red with silver detailing.”

“Tony, they’re gonna know it’s us.” 

“Believe me, they won’t. Trust me.” 

- 

So as it turns out, it’s not the most ostentatious vehicle. 

Because Tony pulls up in a lifted pick-up truck, painted a sparkling, neon green with bright orange wheels. 

It is the ugliest goddamn thing Bruce has ever seen. Also the most effective. 

Thor nearly shoves Bruce into the car, and they’re sitting too close, and Bruce probably shouldn’t be focusing on the fact that Thor’s hair is now artfully messy, but here he is. Doing that. 

“So, sorry that before the wedding shower we’re being hunted down by the government.” 

“Not the worst thing that I could be doing on a Friday,” Thor says with a shrug. “I think you’re just about the most interesting person I’ve met, Bruce.” 

He smiles at him. Bruce’s heart skips a beat. He can’t tell if it’s because of the eye contact or the fact that they’re in close proximity. Maybe both. 

“You wanna go on a date after all this?” Bruce blurts out. 

He does. And as soon as he says it, he kind of regrets it because they’re in a car with glittery silver interior seats and he’s also in pants that have seen better days, and his hair is a Mess. 

(Also self-esteem issues, but Bruce is used to that so he’s not counting it.) 

“Like, after we get home or when the government gives up on finding you?” 

“I don’t know. Whichever one comes first?” 

“Technically, I think I count as army jurisdiction, and military budget is a fountain of money.” 

“Ah. Then home it is. How do you feel about ordering in?” 

“Mm, sounds good,” Bruce says, grinning. “You’re the best.” 

“Well, I certainly try,” Thor says, grinning right back. “You wanna go to Betty and Val’s shower together?” 

“Yes. Do we have to amend our ‘how-we-met’ story?” 

“Not at all. Valkyrie used to run an underground fight ring. She knows the feeling.” 

“How has that not come up in conversation?” 

“We were kind of preoccupied trying to figure out what a Chrysler car looked like.” 

“Oh, true.” 

- 

At the wedding party, Bruce and Thor are very happy. Betty and Val roll their eyes and laugh as they talk. 

“Leave it to my dad to ruin everything,” Betty gripes. 

“Well he didn’t ruin this party or my meeting Thor,” Bruce defends. “Besides, you know what happens if he steps a foot near you.” 

Betty grins. 

“You serious?” 

“Can’t promise you’ll get your security deposit back, but yes.” 

Betty pulls him into a hug. 

“You’re too sweet to me.” 

“Yeah, tell me that after he steps on the limousine.” 

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry,” Thor says, grinning. “I think Tony has some sort of security feature worked in.” 

“Oh, he does,” Val says. “He’s threatened to pull some of the contracts for safety gear. Won’t go through with it, but Ross can’t touch the wedding. Best gift ever.” 

- 

When the party gets late, Thor and Bruce are sitting out on the porch. Clean-up is happening, and they’re taking a break. Thor thinks that Bruce has never looked more beautiful in a rumpled yellow shirt, soft lights making his face glow. 

“I’m glad I met you,” Thor murmurs, moving a stray curl. 

“Really?” Bruce asks, smiling softly. “I think I’m glad I met you too.” 

- 

Bruce grins behind his door when they make it home. Thor had kissed him on the cheek, and while that wasn’t too big of a deal, it was a big deal to him. 

“See you in the morning, dear,” Thor had told him. 

He was going to be up half the night with that line running through his head. 

- 

A lot of people do a lot of things for love. Bruce still wouldn’t walk through flames, or swim across an entire ocean, but he’s starting to understand. 

[oboevallis]

Hey! Can you do one in which Lizzie is in Seattle and Amelia has an event with Link so she’s not going but Lizzie tells her to go and she babysits? Mostly focused on Amelia and Lizzie and Scout and Lizzie? Thanks

visit

thank you so much for the prompt!!! i hope this okay and makes sense, i appreciate everyone who reads my work SO SO SO SO much i can’t even express, i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe

“Okay, I’ll be back soon. I’ve gotta get Lizzie from the airport. Did you tell Bailey we won’t be able to make it to the dinner?” Amelia asked as she grabbed her purse and keys making her way to the door.

“Nope, I forgot. I’m on it though, no worries.”

“Thank you, I’ll be back in a little while. Scout may need a bottle when he wakes up there’s some milk in the fridge for him.”

“Alright see you in a little bit.” Link said as he flipped through a sports magazine.

“One more thing, unload the dishwasher please?” Amelia asked as she opened the door.

“Sure thing.”

“If I get back and it’s not unloaded your gonna be in trouble.”

“Really?” This perked Link up and he turned to face his girlfriend. “What kind of trouble?”

“Just unload the dishwasher.” Amelia laughed as she locked the door behind her.

_______________________________________

“God, the coffee really is so much better in Seattle.” Lizzie chuckled as her and her sister sat in a park.

“That is factual.” Amelia laughed along with her sister. “Are you nervous for your presentation?”

“Of course not, I’ve done presentations at conferences for years. A lot longer than you.”

“Just asking.” Amelia put her hands up defensively.

“I’m not only here for the conference there’s something we need to talk about.”

“And that is?” Amelia asked starting to get nervous, she could tell by the preface of the statement it wasn’t going to be anything good.

“Mom hasn’t updated her will since Derek’s died.”

“What, why?”

“I don’t know, she didn’t want to accept it? It’s foolish, but Kate’s making her go to the lawyer and have her work on it.”

“Okay that’s good, what do we need to talk about then? It seems like Kathleen’s handling it.”

“Well, right now the store is in Derek’s name-“

“Noooo way, I’m not taking the store.”

“Daddy would’ve wanted you to have it if Derek couldn’t. You were always his favorite.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure he’d want me to have the store I watched him get murdered in.”

“Amy, it’d mean so much to mom.”

“Liz, no way. Even if I wanted it my life is in Seattle. Why don’t one of you guys take it?”

“All of us are busy we don’t have enough time between work and raising our kids to run a store.”

“And you think I have the time?I have a baby, and I’m also a surgeon. Your kids are almost teenagers anyway you guys have more time.”

“Just think about it.”

“Liz-.”

“Fine, I’ll talk to my husband we’ll probably take it.” The older sister sighed annoyingly.

“Thank you.” Amelia smiled.

“You owe me big time though.”

“What can I do for you?” Amelia chuckled.

“Hmm.” Lizzie seemed to contemplate this for a moment. “I get to spend some time with you baby, I miss when my kids were that little.”

“I think we can arrange that.”

______________________________________

“Link this is Lizzie, Lizzie this is Link.” Amelia introduced as the two stepped into the apartments living room.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You as well, glad I’m not meeting you as Owen.” Lizzie smirked in reference to the dinner in New York she missed, Amelia nudging her in response.

“Well I’m glad your not meeting me as Owen.” Link joked along with her. The baby’s cries interrupting them.

“I’ll go get him.” Amelia told her boyfriend, Lizzie following behind so she could meet her newest nephew.

“Sooo Link is hot” Lizzie chuckled as she watched her sister pick up her son. It still shocked her that her little sister was a mother.

“Yes, he is.” Amelia blushed. Link then knocked on the door and Amelia told him he could come in.

“What should I say to Bailey?”

“You still haven’t told her?” Amelia rolled her eyes in annoyance. “I told you to do that while I was gone.”

“I’m sorry I forgot.” Links shoulders sunk in embarrassment.

“It’s fine just give me your phone.” Amelia passed the baby to her sister and grabbed her boyfriends phone.

“What do you need to tell your chief?” Lizzie asked as she admired the baby in her arms.

“That we can’t go to some dinner.” Amelia said focusing on the phone.

“You guys should go!” Her sister said excitedly.

“I don’t know. I’d rather stay here.”

“Come on. Whens the last time you’ve been put since this little guys been born.” Amelia and Link looked at each other trying to remember. “That’s what I thought. I’ll watch Scout, you two go out.”

“It’s really okay, we don’t really want to go.” After some convincing, Lizzie was able to make the couple go out for the attendings dinner.

“His schedule is on the fridge. There’s milk in the fridge, his blanket is in the dryer, and he can’t sleep without the sound machine on.” Amelia ranted as she stood by the door with her boyfriend.

“Okay, you don’t need to worry I’ve raised five kids of my own if you remember.” Lizzie smiled, as the couple left the apartment wearily.

“I guess it’s just you and me, kid.” Lizzie told the baby in her arms as she walked into living room and sat down with the baby. She looked around the living room it was very homey, different from her other sisters homes, but probably for the better she thought. On the bookshelf she recognized a familiar book, she grabbed it and sat back down on the couch putting the baby and book on her lap so they could both see.

“That’s your mommy when she was your age.” Lizzie cooed pointing to a baby picture of her little sister. “You look a lot more like your dad, you have her nose. Can’t quite tell who’s eyes you have though.”

“Oh and that’s your uncle Derek.” The woman pointed to a picture of him with braces and in a band uniform holding his saxophone proudly. “That’s where your middle name comes from, I’m sure you’ll hear lots about him.”

“And there’s your mom when I cut her bangs. She couldn’t of been more than five.” Lizzie laughed at the memory, their mother was so mad she had cut her little sisters hair and on top of that it was so poorly done. “She was not happy, and your grandma definitely wasn’t either.”

“There’s when your mommy went to prom, Addie did her hair and makeup, I wanted to do it for her but I guess after the bangs I couldn’t be trusted. Oh that was her boyfriend at the time, not a very nice guy. But your mom has finally found someone who loves her so so so so so much.” Lizzie smiled, realizing her sister wasn’t the same person in these pictures anymore. After a little while of flipping through the pictures the baby started to fuss, signaling he was ready to go to bed for the night. She left to put the baby in his crib and turn on his sound machine and when she came back into the living room her sister and boyfriend were home. “That was early.”

“Yeah, it was so boring.” Amelia dramatically sighed as she kicked off her heels. “How’s my baby?”

“He’s good, just went to sleep. We were looking through your scrapbook, hope you don’t mind.”

“Scrapbook?” Link asked curiously, he hadn’t know there was one in the house.

“It’s fine, which one?” Amelia asked as she sat down on the couch picking it up, and immediately closing it once she opened the first page.

“What is it?” Link chuckled curiously, reaching to grab the scrapbook.

“Nothing you need to see.” Amelia jumped up keeping the scrapbook out of his grasp.

“I think he’d absolutely love to see some of those pictures.” Lizzie defended.

“At of all the scrapbooks you could’ve picked out you had to do the one with the most embarrassing pictures?”

“There are more scrapbooks here?” Link asked confused, he never payed much attention to what his girlfriend put on their bookshelves.

“See what you’ve done Lizzie?”

“Come on, let him see a scrapbook.” Lizzie pleaded with her sister, one of her favorite pastimes was finding ways to embarrass her sisters.

“You can’t laugh.” Amelia firmly told him while slowly passing the scrapbook over.

“Scouts honor.” Her boyfriend held up three fingers. And he sat down on the couch Lizzie sitting next to him to point out the worst photos. He flipped to the page with all of her siblings prom pictures immediately spotting hers and chuckling. “Oh my god, you seriously dated this kid?”

“Ugh.” Amelia groaned taking the scrapbook away. “He was sweet.”

“No he wasn’t he was a jerk! And really dumb for that matter, you could’ve done a lot better. There was always William he was always in love with you.” Lizzie laughed, out of all the boyfriends she had in high school everyone loved William.

“He wasn’t a jerk, he was just misunderstood. And I could never stand William.” She defended as she put the scrapbook back onto the shelf.

“What was the name of your prom date?” Link asked curiously, definitely going to use this information to tease her in the future.

“I don’t remember”

“Oh yes you do, it was Ryder.” Amelia just rolled her eyes in response.

“So you were in a love triangle.” Link asked whilst smirking.

“No I wasn’t, I was head over heels for Ryder, William always just inserted himself into the situation.” Amelia admitted.

“You still head over heels for Ryder?” Link smirked.

“Some days.” The neurosurgeon joked before going to kiss her boyfriend. “I’m just kidding I don’t think I could love someone as much as I love you.”

“Gross Amelia, since when did you become a sappy love story?” The girls sister jokes, to get a throw pillow thrown at her in response causing all of them to laugh.

[strangeinternetwasteland]

Shattered Reality- Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter is short compared to the others due to the mental strain I had to go through to get this one out. I am sorry

Warnings: PTSD, or Psychological trauma, Swearing, Fluff

Word Count: 2.8k

Darkness. It consumed everything. It was heavy. It was hard to breathe. When you had opened your eyes that’s all you saw.  The silence of the world was deafening. You felt pressure at your throat and a hand squeezing you. This was the first thing you remembered. You wanted to fight it off, you wanted to run, but you laid there paralyzed with fear. The flash of murder in those cold eyes. All you could do is give up and let him win. Guilt wracked your body, the tears came too quickly. Geto was going to kill you, and all you could do is stay and not fight anymore. You didn’t feel the need to fight this. Your body was numb, and cold.

Maybe you were already dead. He had come to give you the ending you deserved, dying alone with no one to care for you in the end. It wasn’t like you were ever cared for to begin with. It was too late to save you.  You were his next victim, and probably not his last. Your body was shaking with the cold anger. You didn’t want to die like this, not really. You didn’t want to succumb to him. You tried to fight back the terrible thoughts in your mind. Your world was falling apart. It all was piling on you so quickly, the fragility of your reality. A horrendous and heartbreaking scream erupted from your throat, it echoed in the room. It was the last thing you remember actually feeling before giving into the void of the room.

The scream was terrible, and haunting. It was full of pain, and held so much raw emotion. Gojo dropped his phone and sprinted down the hallway. ‘I shouldn’t have left her alone in there’ he thought. He slowed to a fast walk out just outside the door. He listened for sounds from within the room. When he didn’t hear any he pushed the door open gently, and listened to see if you were still breathing. He heard the faintest exhale, and walked into the room. Your breathing was uneven. It seemed surreal that only a moment ago, you screamed in agony. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand the emotions behind what you were feeling.

He crouched down next to bed trying to see your face, in the dim light that shone from the hallway. He reached a hand out to your face and brushed away a few hair strands from your face. You looked angelic and he felt a pang of guilt for bringing you into this hell. His world was not for you. The weight of the lies he told over the years weighed heavy on you. How many would he have to tell you? How honest could he really be with you?

You stirred at the contact, the touch was soft, and foreign. Gojo went completely still . He didn’t want to awake you, but also he didn’t want to alarm you.

“Y/N. You’re safe here. I am sorry for everything. I’ll make everything better.” Gojo whispered into your ear. You reached your arms out toward him. He softly chuckled.

“You need your rest, babe.” Gojo told you with the softest hint of a whine.

“Please stay. I don’t want to be alone.” You told him. Again, another soft chuckle emerged from Gojo.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” He murmured to you.

Gojo walked around the bed and slipped under the covers next to you. You scooted your back against him. He shifted himself so that he could put his arm underneath your head and play with your hair. Gojo felt you relax, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you, Gojo.” You murmured sleepily. You felt your eyes drooping down. The last thing you remembered before falling into a peaceful slumber was Gojo’s cologne. Something you’d love to get used to.

~~

Geto couldn’t believe what he’d done. He’d let his anger get the best of them. The squeal of the tires as Gojo left with Y/N haunted Geto. ‘Y/N shouldn’t forgive me for this’ he thought. No one around thought twice of the interaction between Gojo and Geto, just another fight over a girl. Geto gathered his thoughts and left. When he was overreacting at times like this, normally Gojo would talk Geto down. This time though a long drive would be his remedy.  Gojo left with a girl that Geto liked. At least, that was what he thought. The more he dwelled on it, Geto didn’t actually like Y/N. Geto liked her innocence, how unaware she was to what was actually happening around her. She was easily influenced and manipulated. In the end it didn’t matter. He’d give her an apology, and pretend it didn’t happen. If she brought it up, he could just dispose of her like he always did. By the time Geto had gotten back home the sun had already risen and was feeling at peace with himself.

“I don’t fucking need you.” Geto said to himself.

~~

When you began to actually wake up, the terror from the night before had ebbed a bit. You felt a heaviness around your waist, and a warm breath upon the back of your neck. You looked down  to find an unfamiliar arm around you. You slowly tried to remove the arm off your waist without waking the other sleeping body. As you slipped out from under the covers, the arms pulled you in closer.

“Don’t go. It’s too early.” A muffled voice spoke. You froze, you knew that sleep ladened voice. You turned over to face him.

“Good morning, handsome.” You smiled and decided to tease him a bit. Although, he was handsome to you. He inched closer to you and placed a kiss on your forehead. Your face turned bright red. He chuckled, flung the blankets off of him toward you, and stretched. He walked out of the room and with him your common sense.

You stretched your arms over your head while laying in bed, and grabbed your phone, which was on the nightstand next to the bed. You looked at it, and saw 5 missed phone calls from your boss. You groaned. You missed your shift today.  You never missed work. You knew you’d have to call him back. You grabbed your phone, and walked down the unfamiliar hallway. You weren’t sure where Gojo would’ve gone to. Ask you walked down the hall, you saw the walls were dotted with photographs of Gojo’s past. A Beautiful woman holding a baby Gojo, you assumed was his mother. Another photo of a man who looked similar to Gojo did now, holding a young version of himself. You smiled at the sweet moments forever captured in time. Something you wished you had growing up.

You heard the sound of pots and pans being moved, and found Gojo in the kitchen. He looked a bit awkward bent over with his long legs searching under the countertops. You heard him mumble something under his breath. He gave up after a moment, and went to the fridge. Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t find it.

“Can I help you with something?” You asked him.

“No, I thought I had bought food, but I didn’t. Let’s go have some lunch.” He suggested.

“I am disgusting, I need to shower, change, and brush my teeth.” You said aloud, without actually intending to let him hear you.

“I have a shower, and a toothbrush. I think I have some clothes that would fit you. Kioko has spent many nights here. This is a Geto-free place.” He assured you. “I could use a shower myself. Let me show you to the best shower in the house, you definitely deserve it.” He added.

You followed him as he went down another hallway. At the end was a door he pushed open, and revealed a huge room. The room was minimalistic in style, everything was black and white. He opened a draw on a tall dresser, and rifled through it. He closed that one, and opened the next one.

“Okay, yeah, everything in this drawer is Kioko’s things she’s ever left here. Honestly, this whole dresser is mostly her stuff. Help yourself to anything, I dont think she even knows what she has.” He admitted to you.  He walked a little farther, and opened another door. “This is the bathroom. The towels are fresh. Take as much time as you need. If I am correct, Kioko left some shampoo and conditioner here last time. She said ‘I don’t like the shit you use. You need conditioner for all that hair.’ Anyways, We can eat afterwards.” He ruffled your hair and left you alone.

When you walked into the bathroom your jaw dropped. It was immaculate. There was a jacuzzi, that you desperately wanted to try out, but this wasn’t your home. The shower was huge and had a waterfall shower head, with massaging jets. Just looking at this bathroom made you want to move in permanently. You shook that thought from your mind. As you walked across the bathroom to start the shower, you saw your reflection in the mirror. There was light purple bruising around your throat. It would turn darker over the next few days. You couldn’t go out looking like this. You couldn’t work. You couldn't use  make-up to fix or cover this up. You felt your eyes burning, and tears threatening to fall.

You turned away from the mirror and started the shower. Normally, you wouldn’t go snooping around in anyone’s house, but you desperately wanted to brush your teeth. While going through the drawers, and cabinets, you found out very little about Gojo. Other than, thank to Kioko, womanly products, there wasn’t very much. He was a practical man with the first aid supplies, at least. You did find mouthwash and hopefully that would be enough for now.

You took your time in the shower relaxing in the warm water, you let it all out under the water. Every emotion spilled out of you. It came out and wouldn’t stop. You never were this weak before, how could you be so weak now? You were humiliated by all of this. You were grateful for Gojo though. Your mind was so mixed up and you couldn’t think straight. If you are truly honest, you wanted to give up. All of it, you could alway just pack up and leave. Your mind fought against itself. As you continued the internal mental fight with yourself, you washed your hair, and body. You turned the shower and grabbed a towel for your body. You grabbed a second towel for your head, they were so fluffy, soft and thick compared to the thin, worn down towels you owned. Everything was so luxurious. You decided to walk out to the bedroom to grab some clothes to change into.

When you walked out you were face to face with an almost naked Gojo. He wore a towel around his hips that hung dangerously low, and looked as if it would fall off if a slight breeze hit it. Your eyes scanned his body once again. Taking in all his tattoos, and because you were closer than last time, you noticed a few scars he’d managed to have collected over the years. You yearned to touch him, feel him, make sure that this wasn’t some sort of fucked up nightmare.

“Oh! I will be out of here in a second.” He grabbed a few items and left immediately. He couldn’t help getting a little flustered. He didn’t think he’d get caught, since you had taken a while in the shower. Not that he could blame you. He could blame himself though, which he did.

After Gojo left, you quickly rushed to get clothes, unsure if, and when he’d come back into the room. It was his room after all. After grabbing a plain red t shirt, and a maxi skirt you dressed walked out with your towels in hand.

“Gojo, I wasn’t sure where you wanted me to put these towels. I didn’t see a laundry basket anywhere.” You slightly yelled, unsure of where he was exactly. He came out from one of the doors you had passed earlier. Wearing jeans that accentuated his butt perfectly, and a t- shirt where tattoos peeked out from underneath, your mouth watered at this sight. Gojo took the towels from you and tossed them through a door.

He came back to you and looked at your neck. He gingerly touched the bruise that was forming, and clucked his tongue. A frown appeared across his face.

“Stupid Fuck.” He muttered under his breath as he continued to examine you.

“Gojo. I am sorry. Thank you for all your hospitality, and for wanting to pay for food, but I don’t feel comfortable with going out like this. I don’t want anyone to ask questions, and I don’t want to-” Gojo kissed you stopping whatever thoughts you had. It was over as quickly as it started and left you reeling.

“I understand. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll be back in a bit. Make yourself at home.” He assured you. He grabbed his keys, and left. You decided that you’d go explore his penthouse. You searched all the rooms in the hallway closest to the room you stayed in. You found another bathroom which was large, but not as spectacular as Gojo’s. On the other side of a door was another room, and behind the last door was a large linen closet. The kitchen which opened up to the large living room had a wonderful bird’s eye view of the city. The hallway that contained Gojo’s bedroom had an office and another room with a locked door. Although you were curious as to what was behind the door, you didn’t want to snoop anymore than you already had.

You sat back down on the overstuffed couch that was in the living room, and decided to watch tv. You switched through what seemed like millions of channels, and finally settled on a romantic comedy that was popular in your middle school years. It was about an hour into the movie when Gojo returned.

“Sorry, It took longer than I expected. I tried to text you asking you what you wanted, but you never responded. So I hope I got something you like.” He said putting the food down. Your eyes widened, you forgot your phone in the room, and intended to call your boss back. You sprinted to the room and grabbed your phone. You walked back to the kitchen.

“Sorry, Gojo, I need a minute. I have to call my boss back.” You told him. He leaned over the counter and put his head in his hands while smiling at you. You gave him a look of curiosity.

“Oh, yeah. I talked to your boss. He said you don’t need to work for the rest of the week.” He told you with the cheesiest smile on his face like he was doing you a big favor.

“Thanks, but you know, I need to make money.” You told him with annoyance.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing he agreed to pay you for your time off.” He said nonchalantly.

Your mouth dropped open, you were about to question him about how he’d manage to do that, since your boss was a hard ass and would never pay anyone for time off unless it was earned. The shrill scream of your phone prevented you from doing that. You picked up your phone.

“Hi, Yes. This is Y/N.” You answered. A quiet moment passed between you and the person on the other line. Your throat tightened and your mouth went dry. You waited a moment before speaking again. Tears were threatening to fall.

“Did- Is- Is everyone okay?” You asked, your voice quite shaky. You were assured that everyone was safe and accounted for, but to get to your apartment as quickly as possible. You looked at Gojo.

“I- We- Fi- Apartment,” was all you could manage to say. Gojo looked at you with concern. He came and wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, while rubbing your back. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“I need to go to my apartment. There was a fire.” You managed to finally say before breaking down.

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[mychemicalimagines]

Punished by the Big O!

Request by @impinehoney​. “may i request some fluffy and smutty,, extra dom and possessive poly ghostface with a fem reader? ahh thank you bunches”

Warning: Cussing and Smut! No one under the age of 18 please!

Tag: @elskinner45​

A/N: I want to thank my editor for this! She helped me so much! Thank you for waiting patiently! I really hope you like this!! 

Words from my editor:] “Hi This is the editor. I apologize that it took so long to get this story posted, and that is mainly my fault. I had to travel outta town for the holidays, and was gone for a few weeks with no internet access. When I finally managed to get home, school started and the laptop I’ve had for a couple years now decided it wanted to stop working. I got a new one and was finally able to edit the story. So, once again, I apologize that it took so long to get it posted. Hope you enjoy it!!”

I sit in my English class, just thinking. I have two boyfriends...but no one knows we’re dating. My boyfriends are Billy and Stu, but to the world, they’re dating Sidney and Tatum. They are the Ghost Face killers with a master plan but I’m not allowed to know that either. I just know I’m not supposed to talk to Sidney or Tatum. 

They never said anything about talking to Randy. I smirk to myself and when the bell rings, I walk straight to Randy.

“Oh hey, Y/N!” He says excitedly.

Everyone in the whole school knows he has a crush on me and Sidney.

“Hey Rand. Umm...Did you want to sit with me at lunch? I need help with my math homework and I know you have an A in it.” I say, sweetly.

He stutters for a second. “Y-y-y-yeah. Yeah I can help you during lunch!” 

“Thank you so much Randy.” I smile.

He blushes. “You’re welcome!”

Hour later, Randy is helping me with our math homework and I can feel someone staring at the back of my head. I turn slightly to see Billy staring at us with murder in his eyes. I wink at him and turn back to Randy listening to every word he says. The bell rings to go to class and I look at Randy. 

“That was easier than I thought!” I kiss his cheek. “Thank you!”

I grab my stuff, not noticing he is blushing.

“You’re welcome! You have my number if you need anymore help.” He says, grabbing his bookbag.

“I will definitely use it!” I smile and walks to my locker.

As I open it, it gets slammed shut. I jump a little and look up to see Billy and Stu on either side of me.

“What the fuck was that?” Billy whispers, angrily.

“Whatever do you mean?” I ask, innocently.

“We told you to stay away from him.” Stu whispers.

I smirk and whisper. “Nope, you said not to talk to Sid and Tatum. Never said anything about Randy.”

They think for a second and Stu takes a deep breath. He walks away, stomping slightly. 

Billy shakes his head and whispers. “You’re getting punished when you get home.” 

Before I can say anything, he walks away. I spend the rest of the day wondering how they’re going to punish me. I get into my car after school and drive fast but safely home. My parents are gone for the week so they aren’t going to be there.  I park in my driveway and think for a few minutes. They can’t possibly be here already. 

Can they? I would never know. I get out of the car and walk inside of my house. I look around the house to find any evidence of them being in here. I can’t find anything so I walk up to my bedroom. I open the door and walk in slowly. I look around but before I can do anything, the door slams behind me. 

I jump, dropping my bag on the floor. I see Billy and Stu. Stu is leaning again the wall beside my door with his arms crossed and Billy is now leaning against my door with a huge smirk on his face. I swallow deeply. I’m in a lot of trouble. 

Billy clicks his tongue. “Oh, what are we gonna do with you, babygirl? Hmm?”

Stu smirks and walks closer. “What do you think, Bi? A spanking? Both of us at once? Not letting her reach that sweet, sweet release?”

Billy’s smirk grows as he looks at Stu. He glances back at me and I can’t help but swallow deeply again. I know I’m in trouble, but it’s the best kind of trouble to be in. Billy lets his fingers lightly trace my collarbone, making me shiver and goosebumps cover my skin, as he talks to Stu.

“I think…” He licks his lips. “I think all three of those sound like a damn good punishment, Stu.”

Stu grins and nods. “Mmm. A good one indeed. Let’s get her naked.”

The next thing I know, my clothes are ripped off me and laying in tatters on the floor. I shiver, both from the breeze coming through the slightly cracked window across the room, but also because the simple action of the boys literally ripping my clothes off sends a wave of arousal through me. They chuckle and share a look before their hands are on my shoulders, gently but still commandingly, pull me from the door.

“Safe word?” Billy asks, looking me in the eyes.

I tell him the word we all agreed on. I’ve never had to use it, but every time we get a little freaky, the boys always make sure I remember it in case I need to use it for some reason. As soon as the simple word leaves my lips, the boys nod in approval.

“On the bed. Now. Hands and knees. Ass up.” 

I do as Billy directs and swallow deeply, trying to discreetly rub my thighs together in an attempt to keep the slick from running further down my legs to my knees. Not even 10 seconds after I rub my thighs together, I feel a sharp smack against my ass, which is quickly soothed by a soft rub.

“Don’t do that, baby. Let us see how wet you are.”

I shiver at the huskiness in Stu’s voice. I spread my legs a little further apart, letting them see exactly what they want to. When I hear them hum in approval, I get soaked even more, and feel it drip down my thighs.

“Mmmm. Good girl.” Billy murmurs.

A feel a hand on my ass again, gently rubbing, soothing the earlier spank from a few moments ago. It doesn’t take me long to figure out that it’s Billy. I lean back into his touch for a moment before there’s another swift smack to my ass cheek.

“Be a good girl. Stay still and take your punishment like a good girl.”

I let out a noise that’s a half whine and a half whimper in response to Stu’s command. There’s another smack to the opposite ass cheek.

“I think 10 spanks should be good. Count them, babygirl. Otherwise we’ll have to start over.”

I nod. “Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” Billy hums in approval. 

Each time they spank my ass, alternating cheeks so as not to hurt me too bad and cause actual pain that’s not pleasurable, I cry out, with pleasure, the number of the spank. By the time the tenth smack comes, my ass is stinging, but my body hums with pleasure and arousal. I was soaked before the spankings, but now I've soaked the bed under me.

The boys hum in approval as they soothe my ass with soft and gentle rubs, and even a few kisses. 

“Strip us, baby.” Billy orders a few minutes later. 

I quickly turn around and do as I’m told. I take my time in getting their clothes off each of them, enjoying the view. Once I’m done, and they’re both naked, Stu lays on the bed.

“C’mere.”

I scramble across the bed and straddle his waist, settling down so I rub against his dick. We both moan at the feeling. He grips my hips and rocks me against him a couple times until, on the third rock, he slides inside me. My wetness helps his entrance and he slides as far into me as he can. I gasp and moan at the feeling. 

He groans. “FUCK! You feel so damn good!”

I gasp and moan at the feeling of him inside me and his words. I lean down and kiss him passionately as he moves me against him, forcing him to slide in and out of me. We both moan as we kiss and fuck. It doesn’t take long for me to feel Billy behind me. Or more specifically, I feel him pressing up against my asshole. 

He runs his fingers along my slit as Stu slides in and out of me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he’s using my slick to lube up his dick. Billy slowly pushes into me, taking his time, stretching my asshole ‘round him. I cry out in pleasure as slides all the way in. Both the boys take a moment before they start thrusting in and out, in an alternate sync with each other.

When one slides out, the other slides in, and vice versa. In a matter of minutes, we’re all three covered in sweat. The room is full of the sound of our fucking: our moans, groans and cries of pleasure and passion, and the sound of skin slapping against skin. I close my eyes and lean my head back on Billy’s shoulder as he fucks my ass, and I rock against Stu..

The two of them take turns in making me cum. By my fifth orgasm, I can tell their both getting close to their releases. I rock against them more, and the three of us cum together, at the same time, with the both of them filling both my holes up. My muscles give out from the pleasure and I pretty much just flop down on Stu’s chest, with Billy doing the same to me.

The three of us catch our breaths, and ride out the end of our waves of pleasure. Once we’ve managed to get our breaths back, and our hearts have slowed back down to a normal rate, Billy slowly pulls out of me, making me moan and shiver again. He chuckles and smirks as he moves to kneel on the bed. 

Stu lifts me up off of him, making me moan again. He chuckles and smirks too. The boys share a look, and Billy gets off the bed, heading to the bathroom. I lay down next to Stu. He props himself up on his elbow and looks at me.

“How you feelin’, babygirl?” He asks, brushing my hair out of my face.

I giggle and blush. “So. Fuckin’. Good.”

“Think you learned your lesson?”

I nod fast. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. Otherwise, we’ll have to punish you again if you didn’t.”

My entire body shivers at the idea of that. Billy chuckles as he walks back into the room, kneeling on the bed, holding a damp rag. He glances at Stu, smirks, and looks back at me. He starts to clean me up between my legs, getting their cum off me. I smile at him. They do this after every time we get together. 

Once Billy is done, he tosses the rag on the floor and lays down next to me. He and Stu wraps their arms ‘round me, and hold me close to both of them. I smile widely and cuddle to the two of them. They kiss my head, and hold me. Billy runs his fingers up and down my arm, knowing that helps me to relax. 

Stu gently kicks the blankets up from the foot of the bed, and manages to cover the three of us up. Just as I’m ‘bout to doze off, I hear them both murmur the same thing at the same time. 

“I love you, babygirl.”

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

Erik walking in on the reader masturbating and she tries to cover herself with embarrassment

Bruce "Viper" Holmes. A notorious mobster and drug lord in Miami since the late 1980s. He had three older sons but one of them disowned his father and moved away to private property in the Virgin Islands with his wife and the other two were murdered. He has a daughter too, around 23 years old, a recent college graduate and her father's soft spot. She's a flower in the barrel of a gun. Calm his raging murderous storm. Bruce has her on a 24/7 watch with constant bodyguards. She really wanted to live on her own but they both knew that if she did, someone out there would try and kill her to get revenge for losing a loved one of their own because of Bruce. Then there is Killmonger. Bruce's personal hitman. He's been working with Bruce for years, a trusted partner who got the job done. Erik came and went whenever he had to pay a visit to Bruce. There was a new job that would earn him 1.8 million so Erik wasn't about to let that go. He showed up, dressed in all black and earning many scowls from Bruce's men. Erik could take out that entire room if he wanted to but Bruce paid him so well. Before he could step into his office, a girl opens the door, standing before Erik wearing a pair of tiny denim shorts, a fitted white crop top and her curly fro pulled up into a neat top knot bun. Erik took a cautious step back, fully admiring the girl from head to toe. Sexy as a motherfucker for sure. A little young but not too young.

"You must be Killmonger," She says with no regard. “How do you know who the fuck I am?”

“My father was saying something about you looking after me since my favorite bodyguard got shot and killed a week back. He told me to pick and I chose you.”

This didn’t sound like it involved earning 1.8 million dollars. This was a damn babysitting job. She was a grown-ass woman, not a kindergartner. 

“Is he in there?” Erik didn’t care that he sounded irritated. He came to put a few bullets in somebody not play house. 

“Yeah, he’s smoking his cigars,” His daughter looked at Erik very closely, an attitude on her face. Erik wanted to grab her little ass up and fix that face for her but this was his boss's daughter. He swallowed his pride, for now, giving her one final look before stepping into her father's office. 

Sure enough, the 1.8 million was for watching over Y/N for him while he left town for 48 hours. Bruce told him that he only trusted Erik to get the job done because he knew Erik could hold his own and do what he’s supposed to do better than his other men. Everything Bruce said was true but Erik could be earning his money in a more meaningful way. And by meaningful that means killing. But, Y/N’s safety is important and Erik wouldn’t be able to live with her death on his conscious. Bruce left that very night leaving Erik in his Miami estate alone minus the two guards who kept watch from the outside of the house. 

Erik made himself comfortable in a guest bedroom, staring angrily at his weapon bag that would not be put to use. A knock came to his room door, Erik getting up to open it. Y/N was the source of the knock. She had on a tight and short strapless body con dress colored baby blue with some rather scandalous heels on her feet and hair out in a cute curly fro. She was looking...real good. She had those titties all out, curves on display for any hungry nigga to hound her. Shit didn't make no sense how sexy Bruce's daughter was. Last time Erik had been with a woman was over three months ago

"I wanna go out." "Girl, I'm not taking your ass nowhere. Bruce said to keep you home since shit is popping off." She kissed her teeth, "So you mean to tell me, I got all dressed up for nothing?" Erik shrugs, "Ain't my problem, ma. I'm not tryna play hero and keep you safe in the middle of a shoot out. I need you as far away from that shit as possible." She was really pissed off with Erik. Her pretty round face was all scrunched up, arms folded and a pout on her lips. "I really thought you would be the chill one out of all my dad's old ass bodyguards but nope you're the same. Just as boring and annoying." She had a lot of mouth on her. Erik narrows his eyes at her, nostrils flared and lips set in a hard line. Y/N stepped off a bit, swallowing spit. "You better watch that pretty little mouth of yours before I fuck it." Y/N's jaw was on the floor. She was stunned. Y/N could not believe that Erik just said that to her. He couldn't believe it either but it was in Erik's character to say some shit like that to mouthy little bitches. He had a habit of degrading them by fucking their mouths until they gagged. Bruce's daughter may have an attitude but she wasn't used to that kind of treatment, Erik could tell. She probably got a tight as fuck pussy on her too, fuck that shit and feel like you're in some virgin pussy again.

Holy Shit. He was thinking about her pussy. These 48 hours are going to be hard.

"Is this how you talk to all the women you sleep with?" She was curious, leaning in closer to him. She had no respect for Erik's space now. "Don't worry about it. Just go back to your room, take this shit off, and relax, ma. You ain't going nowhere." "Wow," she rolls her eyes, "Remind me to never recommend you to be my new bodyguard again." "You're loss," he gave her a teasing smile. She glared at him, marching away from his door and back to her room. Erik couldn't help but stare at the bounce of her hips. She was very sexy and Bruce wasn't around to reprimand him for checking out his precious daughter.

Back in her room, making sure to slam the double doors shut and kick it for good measure, Y/N marched over to her bed like the brat she is, flopping down on the plush mattress covered in velvet bedding. Her phone was going off the hook too. Her girls were probably wondering where the fuck she was since she told them her bodyguard would be taking her out. Oh well, those plans were over. "Bitch ass, nigga," she complained to herself. Y/N was hoping to get some dick tonight too. An old college friend of hers that her father didn't really approve of but Y/N wanted a piece of was gonna be at that party. Ever since she graduated she hadn't had any dick. That was over a year ago. Her father was really strict with everything she did. Y/N appreciated it because she didn't want to end up like her brothers but at the same time, she wanted freedom. That's why she chose Killmonger. He was younger than her father's other henchmen, Wild from the talks she heard about him when she was being nosy, and he was sexy as fuck. She really thought about flashing him her titties to change his mind but he looked like a no-nonsense type so Y/N didn't try and taunt him. Although, he did taunt her.

Watch that pretty little mouth of yours before I fuck it.

Something stirred within her. The inner freak that had been locked away for so damn long. So he washed bitches mouths out with the dick? Disrespectful bitches got a dick in their mouths, huh? She liked that. She liked that a lot. He was so large compared to her. Definitely a Daddy for sure. Y/N would call Killmonger Daddy while he fucked her tight pussy. She just knew he had a big dick. None of the condoms she had would fit him. He'd have to pull out when he was about to cum.

If the condoms can't fit him, will his dick fit in me?

She couldn't help but let that thought cross her mind. Look at Y/N, thinking about fucking her dad's hitman. He was a murderer. Any other chick would be scared but Y/N... she wasn't a scaredy-cat at all. She'd be a big girl and fuck Killmonger. Killer and all. She wanted to see his guns...big guns plus a big dick would surely have Y/N on her knees or giving up the pussy.

"Fuck, I can't believe myself." She laughs, running her fingers over her heated flesh. Lord, she was horny now and ready to cum. Y/N lifts her dress up, body arched over the edge of the bed. She picks up a mirror from her side table that she used earlier to check her makeup, aiming it at her pussy from the back. She takes her other hand, pulling her panties down to see just how much of a mess she created from thinking about Killmonger. Sure enough, when she used her thumb to pull her panties to the side, a long string of nectar was connected to her panties from her phat pussy lips. She took in a sharp breath before releasing it longingly. Her pussy was so damn phat and wet right now thinking about him. "Killmonger, look what you did to me," she was so fucking horny. Y/N takes her fingers, pulling her lips apart, watching all that pink she has pop out and contrast beautifully against the brown of her outer lips. She tweaked her clit, a shiver running down her spine. Y/N starts popping her ass, watching all that slimy wet connect like her own personal glue to her pussy lips and her fingers. She'd never been this damn wet in her life. "Fuck," she moans, lifting up onto her knees to remove her dress. Fuck this shit, she needed to play with herself. Fully naked, Y/N gets off the bed, practically skipping over to her walk-in closet to retrieve her favorite pink dildo. This called for a squirt or two...maybe three. Just the thought of him being in a room down the hall probably wearing nothing right now or cleaning his guns made her shudder. She found her baby, kissing it before walking back to her bed. She grabbed her MacBook, a porn tab already up from the last video she watched. Y/N liked to watch black women masturbate, making themselves cream and squirt. She needed a video of a woman with a whole lot of ass getting drilled from behind this time around. She found her favorite, noticing the butt plug that the woman had and wishing she had one too. She likes anal.

Erik was freshly showered and dressed in a pair of black linen lounge pants that rested low on his hips. He did a lazy towel job on his body, water still dripping down the middle of his spine and on his chest. He was doing exactly what Y/N guessed; cleaning his guns. His favorite gun; a personalized Smith & Wesson. He still had a little blood around the barrel from his last job back in Germany. Unable to help himself, Erik kept thinking about Y/N and how he deprived her of going out. She was definitely grown and here he was making decisions for her like she was his daughter. He really didn't need the girl to go complaining to her father about Erik, making some shit up to mess up his money flow. Tossing his gun down, Erik looked up at himself in the mirror, his mind in a turmoil. With a risky decision, he decided to leave and go talk to the girl. Hopefully, turn the conversation around so that she could see his point of view. He left his room, walking within the dark hall of the estate to what he guessed was Y/N's room. It wasn't hard to find, her room was the only room with a glow of light coming from it. His footsteps were silent against the plush carpet as he finally stood face to face with the double doors to her bedroom suite. Erik places his fist into the open palm of his other hand, shifting on his bare feet to gather himself before knocking. Before he could, a wail came from her room. He froze, straining his ears to hear the sound again. Sure enough, the sound came back again, only this time, louder. Shit, if he was in his room, he'd probably hear it. Throwing caution to the wind, Erik grabs both handles, opening the door to see if she was okay. After all, he was ordered to protect her. The second he entered that room he wished he hadn't. Maybe he was lying to himself but the sheer embarrassment on Y/N's face made him feel guilty and ready to run from the estate altogether. Facedown, ass up, Y/N was thrusting a dildo into her pussy from the back while rubbing her clit. She was moaning and crying from how good her pussy felt before Erik disrupted her playtime. Her MacBook was opened, a compilation video of ebony women squirting and cumming all over the place. The cum loads from these women alone were massive and it stole Erik's attention for sure. He would buss a nut to the shit too. He even heard Killmonger roll off her tongue before she noticed him. Y/N's body rolled off of the bed, charging towards Erik with wide eyes before shoving his heavy body out of her room, slamming her doors shut. The sound echoed down the hall. Erik stood there, staring at those damn doors with shock. His mouth was hanging open, mind unable to unsee what he just saw. Erik heard silence now on the other side of the door, his hand coming up to knock softly. "Y/N, you decent now?" He asked. "Go awayyyyyyy Killmonger!" She sounded like she was crying. Damn, he embarrassed the hell out of her for opening those doors. "Don't you know how to fucking knock?!" "Yeah, I just thought some shit was happening to you...not...this..." "Wow," she was sniffling, "something was about to happen to me until you showed up!" She groaned loudly, probably yanking her hair too. "This is definitely not happening to me right now." Erik wanted to comfort her, reassure her that he was absolutely sorry for barging into her private moment like that. He wanted to say that to her but the slyness inside of him was happy he saw what he saw. She was a little freak. Cumming to other bitches cumming. He wanted to know what else she watched. If only she wasn't embarrassed and asked him to come and join her he would find out for himself while his dick was deep in that pussy. Speaking of pussy she had a nice phat wet puss. Her pussy creamed all over that neon pink dildo that she was thrusting in and out of that twat. He turned his back on the door, struggling if he should stay or go. Fuck, he really wanted to stay and finish what he messed up. He'd give anything to see that little pussy cum. His dick was bobbing up and down in his linen pants. Erik looked down at his crotch within the darkness, lips all poked out and eyes low while he stared at his dick twitching and knocking against the crotch of his pants. That monster wanted to be freed. He placed his face against the door, talking into the crack of the door so she could hear him clearly. "Y/N, please open up, I'm sorry, ma." He tried to sound as sincere as possible to get her to open those doors. His dick was even pressing into the door. The hard surface was the perfect amount of texture on his dick right now. "Erik lets out a soft sigh, "please?" "For what? So you can laugh at me? I don't think so. Go back to your room, asshole." "I said I didn't mean to, how many times do you want me to tell you I'm sorry?!" He was growing angry. His dick was too. He was hard as steel now. "Fuck your sorry. I am so fucking embarrassed right now." "Just open the goddamn door, shit." His begging finally worked. She flung her doors opened, body wrapped in a robe now and hair pulled up into a bun, she had her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face but she could not look into his eyes. He understands she was in a very very open position. Erik didn't like the change but she was still sexy no matter what. He hoped that she would have opened the door naked. "What the fuck is it?" "Watch your mouth talking to me," Erik fires back. "I'll talk to you however I please. My dad is paying you so that means you listen to what I say." She was looking at him now but her voice was shaky. She was so nervous and still very embarrassed. "See, your dad is paying me. Not you. And you listen to what I say, Y/N. I see you ain't leave this fucking house." "Watch I put my dress and heels on and leave right now." "I fucking dare you to try me," Erik was sizing her up now, his body bumping into hers, pushing her further into the room. He was inside again, the sweet smell of her sex around him. She must have been in here cumming back to back. Erik let his eyes linger on the bed. Sure enough, there was a large ass wet spot in the center. "Damn, you did all that?" He couldn't stop himself even if he tried. Y/N covered her face, walking away to use the velvet bedding to hide her mess. "Nah, ain't no shame in that, ma, let it show." She was growing hot again. Her pussy was begging to cum, she was right...there. And in comes this big nigga.

Damn...he actually came in my room

She wanted to rip that robe off and stuff her fingers in her pussy.

"What's wrong now, Y/N?" "You. It's your fault. Just get the fuck out." "So you can moan my name again?" She turns to him slowly, taking him in fully now since he wasn't in that dark hall anymore. His thick dick was standing straight out at her with no regard. Muscles carved into his lean body, tiny raised scars all over him symmetrical. He didn't even hide how horny he was. She was correct, her condoms would not fit around that dick. He would break them bitches before she could even get it down and around him. His big dick ass had her sucking on her bottom lip now to control herself. That inner freak was ready to pounce. "Y/N." Erik was walking up on her now, his dick pressed into her ass. "Shit," she sounds out, looking at him over her shoulder with a roll of her eyes. "You tryna get me in trouble?" He spoke in a low tone. "No. You won't anyway. All surveillance is off in the house except for outside." "Hmm," Erik looked down on her ass cheeks. His dick was in between both of them. "Now why would you do that?" "Because I can." "Because you can," Erik repeated her words. "It's my fucking house." "See...I like you." She was dying to hear those words. At this point, there was no turning back. He was in her bedroom now with his dick between her cheeks. This shit was totally off-limits. "You ain't scared of me?" The touch he gave to her chin made her booty arch into his crotch further. "No. I ain't scared of men like you." "Oh, Forreal?" He was smiling down at her with this glint in his eyes. "I see men like you every day in my house. What makes you any different?" He laughs, "Because I'm not like these men that walk around your father's house. I'm Killmonger, there's a difference. You should know, you chose me, right?" He had a good point. Y/N could tell from jump that he was nothing like the other men. "Yeah, I could see that." "So then ima ask your ass again, you ain't scared of me?" She shakes her head no. "Open your fucking mouth." "NO." She let him know real quick. Erik presses his lips to her ear, "You definitely ain't going nowhere since you so brave, babygirl." What exactly was he referring to? Was he gonna fuck her so good that she would need her meals brought to her bed? "Where's that dildo?" He asked with his eyes still on her. Y/N pointed to the bed, Erik noticing it on her laptop keyboard. "Pick it up." She did, holding it around the fake silicone balls since the rest was so wet and covered in her cream. That fake dick was drenched in her essence. "Suck it off." She gave him a look to challenge his words but Erik gave her a much harder look that had her flinching and popping that dick in her mouth. He watched her suck it, her jaws all sunken in and the cream disappearing. "So that's what that mouth do?" She even licked the balls to catch the bit that spilled there. "How you fuck that pussy?" "With my legs wide open, from the back, and I rode it." "Shit, how you ride it? You did that shit on your tiptoes?" "Yeah, I stuck the suction on that chair right there." Erik looked over in the corner to find an acrylic glitter desk chair. "Bruce little girl is a freak," Erik laughs, "Bought to let her bodyguard hit." "I-you wanna fuck me?" She thought he wanted to fuck her with the dildo, the only dick her pussy really knew not his monstrous dick. "Only if you want me to." "Please." Fuck that dildo. Y/N tossed it back onto the bed, taking off her robe with the quickness. Erik raises both of his brows at that, loving how ready she is to take some dick. She stood before him, nude once again. A nice curvy body with smooth brown skin. Mouthwatering for sure. "Put on another video you like to watch, I wanna see." Y/N went to lay on her belly, ass up and bouncing for Erik to see. He removed his pants, his dick leaking with pre-cum and sticking to his leg. He watched her pull up a video of a sexy couple. The man was eating her pussy, slobbering on that shit. The loud munching sounds had Erik grunting and reaching out to smack Y/N's ass hard. She looked back at him, making her ass shake so he can do it again. Erik gave her what she wanted with his large calloused hands. He was definitely an experienced man for sure. "Get on your back, I'm eating that pussy." She flips over, opening her legs to show Erik all the creamy goodness that spilled from her. She was a goddamn mess down there. He got down between her legs, angling the laptop so he could watch it with her while he ate her pussy. As soon as the man in the video started sucking on his girl's clit, Erik did the same to Y/N. She was so overwhelmed by it that her thighs kept trying to close. Erik took her calves, thrusting them forward so that her toes touched the bed and her pussy and ass were open for him. He went to work on her little ass, his eyes looking from her to that screen. Whenever the guy in the video sucked, Erik sucked. Whenever he French kisses her all over the inside, Erik did too. She was so sloppy on his mouth. Erik was so happy to be eating pussy again that he didn't say a damn word. The only sounds he made were munching, smacking of lips, tongue flicking, and popping of his mouth off her clit and inner folds. Y/N was having a fit. She was trying to watch the action on the laptop but Erik kept pulling her away. He was devouring her slit. Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore he had his fingers thrusting inside of her pussy while sucking on her clit. Three of those fingers. Her eyes rolled, head bobbing back and forth. She had no feeling in her legs left from how big she came on Erik's fingers and tongue. She trembled and trembled. But yet he was still going. "That's enough, Killmonger," she let out a sharp moan. "Stop!!" Before she could push his head away she was squirting. She covered his chest and the bed with all her mess. He pulled his fingers out before sucking on them with his long slippery tongue. Now, he was on his feet, kneeling on the bed. He had one hand around his dick while the other rested over his nuts. "Pull up a dick sucking video." "You do it." She tells him while still trying to recover from the atomic bomb head she just received. Erik leans over her, the smell of the soap he used on his skin surrounding her and causing her to kiss his neck. He didn't complain about that so she continued. Erik pulled up a favorite of his. One where the girl was talking into the camera, begging the nigga to cum on her face. This always had Erik busting a huge nut. "Bring your mouthy ass over here and suck my dick." He ordered. Y/N timidly grabs his dick, jerking it slowly to get a feel of the weight on him. This shit must drag when he walked. "I know it's a lot but you can take it." She kissed the tip of his dick before looking up at him to see if he liked it. "Keep going, I ain't tell you to stop." She wrapped her lips around the tip of his dick now. She sucked softly, little moans coming from her mouth at the same time. "You should see how that little mouth looking right now. You can't even fit me in there." She tried to challenge his words, lowering herself further down his dick. She could only make it to half the dick. Even that was too much for her. "It's okay...relax, ma. Take your time with it." She did her thing, tight pouty lips gliding over him all delicate. He was enjoying the soft way she sucked his pipe. Her spit bubbles around him dripping to her chest caused Erik to grab her curly bun. He started thrusting his hips, Y/N looking up at him with fearful eyes. "Relax, I got you, sweetie," she reached out to stop his hips from moving forward, "I promise I won't go too rough, I promise." She still held her hands on his hips but her mouth relaxed around Erik, allowing him to fuck her mouth at a pace she could tolerate. The sound of her spit building on her tongue and Erik's dick hitting her throat was music. She squeezed her eyes because he got a little too happy, her throat tightening around him. "FUCK, I ain't mean to I swear," He spoke in a hushed tone. He was so damn close to cumming in this girl's mouth. Her tight mouth. "Damn, your lips so tight." His eyes fluttered. She felt like the side of her lips would split in half from how thick he was becoming. She tried to open up wider but there was no use. Y/N breathed through her nose, allowing Erik to finish off. He was a challenge for her. "Shit-shit-take it, take all this dick!" The minute his cum hit her throat she gagged, Erik holding her in place so he could finish out within her mouth. He pulled out, his dick bouncing in her face and the last bits of his cum shooting onto her cheek. She looked so shocked at his action. Her fingers went up to scoop it up and into her mouth. "You are such a big girl. Did so well for Daddy." "You cum a lot, Killmonger." "You like that, don't you?" "Yes." Erik bit his lip, "get on your back, ima fuck the shit outta you." Y/N got onto her back but she didn't want it like that. She wanted him to fuck her from the back. She wanted to see how it felt taking his generous dick with her ass in the air. "What's wrong now Y/N," Erik spoke with annoyance. "I want you to fuck me from the back." "...see, I don't know if you can take it like that yet, ma. You'll feel me in your stomach if I do that." "So," Y/N turned around, arching her back, reaching behind her to pull her pussy lips apart. "Is it still too much?" She teased. This was how she imagined Erik would fuck her when he walked in. He might as well take her pussy like this. "Shit ain't too much for me, this dick gonna be too much for you. But since you such a hard-headed bitch Ima give you what you want." Erik fixes her arch. She thought she was positioned the right way. Nope, Erik needs her face and shoulders pressed into the bed with her ass angled all the way up to where Erik could have a deeper thrust. She looked back at him, nibbling on her fingers to calm herself. "You looking real nervous for a chick who ain't afraid." Erik beat his dick on her clit. "I'm not afraid." She spoke softly. Erik didn't have anything more to say to her. He grabs his dick, bringing it to her velvety hole and sinking it right in. He didn't give Y/N time to think. He was all the way inside of her. Erik got in her pussy in one clean motion. She had her eyes closed briefly before opening them to show Erik how watery they were. She thugged it out and Erik was impressed, for now. He was frozen, his dick still buried. "Y/N." "I'm good," she was ready. "Bet." Erik pulled out to the tip of his dick, his eyes watching the muscles in her back flex. She was spread wide for him. He thrust back in swiftly, his balls hitting her clit. That sensation had Y/N whispering something into the crease of her arm. Probably saying how good and thick his dick is. "Faster," she begged. Erik built up speed, her ass making that sound he loved whenever he fucked bitches from the back. She was clapping all over him. Y/N felt it in her belly. It was something she couldn't really feel with her dildo. "OhmyGod!" She screams. Her hands reached out in front of her to grab hold of the cum stained sheets, balling it up with her fists. Erik was beating the breaks off her pussy at this point. He would grunt and moan real low but Y/N could hear it. "Killmonger, you're stretching me!" He slowed down, before picking up the pace some more. The shit was amazing. She was wrapped around his dick perfectly. "You gonna make me bust early in this pussy, girl! look at this pussy, loving all this dick I'm giving her!" She likes that he referred to her pussy as "her" it made her attempt to throw it back on him but her hips were so weak. "OhmiiGod you're so big!" She cried. Erik gave Y/N a thunderous slap to her ass before grabbing her shoulders to pound into her some more. Her head fell forward, moans and groans stuck in her throat. "I got you arched over this dick, girl," she tried to move but Erik was right there with her, "Stop it, ma. You were doing so well. Daddy was proud of you for taking this dick." "It's just so deep." "I told you, didn't I? It's too late now I like fucking you like this." She was in his control. Y/N's pussy leaked so much on his dick she couldn't keep count. It was so sensitive to his long and fat dick. It's because he's so big and she's so tight. "Fuck, you're tearing my pussy up!" Erik pulls out, Y/N's juices following right behind him and onto the bed. She flips over, bringing her legs up for Erik to grab. "You don't waste no time," He says in a teasing manner. Erik takes her calves again, stretching them all the way back so her toes could touch the bed. "Such a nasty girl with this pussy spread open for me." His dick was inside of her again. She watched with pure bliss to the point of tears. He was doing push-ups in her pussy. Erik moves his hips in a circular motion creating a new sensation inside of her that had Y/N's toes curling. "Wet pussy, I fucking love it." "Yes!" She had her hands on Erik's hips, pulling him further inside of her like he wasn't already deep. "Shit," He looked down at her, "grab my nuts, squeeze them." She did, squeezing and massaging them. Erik was no more good. "Now you're squeezing my dick and nuts. Getting all of me tonight, huh?" "Fuck yeah." "You gonna let me cum all over this pussy?" "Yes, Daddy." "You gonna let me cum all over this good pussy?" "Yes, Daddy." "You fucking better!-shit, mmhmm Ima give you what you want, fuck, girl you got me cumming!" Erik shot thick ropes of cum onto Y/N's phat pussy lips. Y/N reached between them to stroke him, more cum shooting out and onto her belly. The feeling was too much. This girl was covered in his cum. Pussy looking like a cream pie. Y/N rubbed it between her folds before taking her fingers to suck on. "Can you stay the night with me?" She asked between sucking. Erik gave her a sly smile before shaking his head, "I don't think so, ma. I already fucked up coming in here. Thank God you disabled the surveillance in the house. I ain't tryna die because I fucked my boss's daughter." "Please?" "Only until you fall asleep." "Fine." Erik puts his pants on, watching Y/N get up from the bed to change her sheets. "Ima go check my phone to see if your dad tried to get in contact with me." "Okay," Y/N watched Erik leave the room and down the dark hall. She wanted to squeal, jump for joy, dance, anything to express her excitement. That was the most memorable sex she's ever had. It's sad that it had to be because of this sticky situation but she didn't regret it all. Now she didn't want her father to return home for a while. If she could get some dick from Killmonger she'd be more than happy. Fuck spending time with her friends, there was an entire estate for her and Erik to have fun in. She placed her sheets in a hamper before returning with fresh ones. Erik was back in her room now, closing the door. "I had a talk with your Father." Y/N's heart sank, Erik laughing at her expression. "You gotta learn to relax, Y/N. All he said was that his trip is gonna have to be extended another six days." "Six days?!" She closed her eyes, Erik laughing at her excitement. "Yeah, some shit about business running slower than usual. Plus, he had to off a few lousy men so he might come home short two henchmen." "So, what does that mean for you?" "That means I'm 2 million dollars richer." "You're still gonna watch over me?" Erik couldn't help but give Y/N his lady killer smile. She blushes, turning to put on her robe. "Yeah, you don't plan on telling Bruce that you don't like me as a bodyguard, right?" "I only said that because you didn't let me go out!" Y/N argued back. "But now you want me around," Erik licks his lips, "I gave you some dick now you want me to stay." He didn't have to put it like that but it was halfway true. Y/N wasn't going to say anything to Bruce about Killmonger. "Killmonger, you have good dick, okay? Now, stay the night with me, please?" She gave him her best pout and innocent eyes. "You are really gonna get me in trouble."

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Red white & royal Blue Favourite quotes

“How many times do I have to tell Y’all not to discuss your murder plots in front of a sitting president” their mother interrupts “Plausible deniability. Come on” (Pg 64) 

I don't know WHO you think you're kidding, you Hufflepuff-ass bitch, (Alex to henry over text pg 69) 

“‘put the turkeys in my room’  ‘No.’ ‘put them in my room, put them in my room, put them in my room -’  later that night as Alex stares into the cold pitiless eyes of a prehistoric beast of prey, he has a few regrets” (Alex and his mother Pg 76) 

“’he- Oi! Not for you Mr.wobbles! those are mine!’ more rustling and a distant offended Meow, ‘no, Mr. wobbles you bastard!’” (Henry at his sister's cat, pg 80) 

“Dec 8, 2019, 8:53 PM  yo there's a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe HRH prince Dickhead  I BEG YOU TO NOT “ (Henry and Alex over text Pg 84) 

“’ the options Id like...’ he says dragging the words out. ‘they don't quite seem to be options at all’” (Henry Pg 107) 

“’ christ you're a thick as it gets’ he says and he grabs Alex's face in both hands and kisses him.” (Henry Pg 107) 

“‘Seventy-eight percent probability of latent Bi-sexual tendencies. one hundred percent probability this is not a hypothetical question’” (Nora pg 118) 

“‘am I? do you think I'm Bi?’  ‘I can't tell you that Alex!’ she says ‘that's the whole point!’” (Alex and Nora Pg121)

“she slants a look at him ‘is this a diabolical scheme of seduction?’ she asks ‘if so, yes.’“ (Nora Pg 130) 

“Alex knocks the candelabra off the table next to them and pushes henry onto it so hes sitting with his back against - Alex looks up and almost breaks into a deranged laugh - a portrait of alexander hamilton.” (Pg 132) 

“‘im going to die’ henry says helplessly.  ‘im going to kill you,’ Alex tells him.” (Henry and Alex pg 133) 

‘”and if you fucking ghost me again, I'm going to get you put on a fucking no-fly list. got it’” (Alex at henry pg 134) 

“worst of all, Henry is good“ (Alex's thoughts on henry playing Polo Pg 147) 

“’I’m gonna go, Uh’ Alex says ‘say hi to henry’ Amy's mouth settles into a grim line ‘Please don't elaborate’ ‘Yeah I know’ Alex says ‘plausible deniability’” (Alex and Amy Pg 148) 

‘A <agcd@eclare45.com>  to Henry  his royal highness prince of whatever,  Don't make me learn your actual title’ (Alex’s email to henry Pg 152) 

‘Henry <hwales@kensingtonemail.com>  to A Alex, first son of inappropriately timed Emails when I’m in early morning meetings’ (Henry’s email to Alex Pg 155) 

“when he shows up to a briefing two days later Zahra grabs his jaw with one hand and turns his head, peering closer at the side of his neck. ‘is that a Hickey’ Alex freezes. ‘I . . . um, no?’” (Zahra and Alex pg 162) 

“‘Do you have a last name?’ Alex has never actually offered a greeting when calling Henry  ‘What?’ the usual bemused elongated one-syllable response” (163 Alex and henry over the phone) 

“‘Baby’ its become a thing: Baby he knows it’s become a thing. hes slipped up and accidentally said it a few times, and each time, Henry positively melts” (Alex Pg 166) 

“‘I miss you,’ Alex says before he can stop himself he instantly regrets ut but henry says. ‘I miss you too’” (pg 173) 

“she flung her arm out emphatically enough to upset an entire potted cactus on her dresser and says ‘Because until now you weren't fucking the prince of England’” (June pg 177)  

“‘you should try saying some of that stuff to Him’  ‘stop trying to Jane Austen my life’” (June and Alex Pg 180) 

“’ is now a good time to point out henrys very hot Very rich best friend is basically in love with you?’ Alex says to June ‘hes like some kind of billionaire genius manic-pixie-dream philanthropist. I feel like you would be into that.’ ‘Please shut up,’” (Alex and June Pg 182)  

“‘yes, yes, Pez, we know there's nothing you cant do,’ says henrys voice off-camera ‘no need to rub it in’“ (henry Pg 184) 

“‘oh I haven't had vodka since uni,’ henry says ‘it tends to make me erm, well-’ ‘flamboyant?’ Pez offers. ‘uninhibited? randy?’  ‘Fun?’ Bea suggests  ‘Excuses you, I am loads of fun all the time! I am a Delight’“ (Henry Bea and Pez pg 190)

“’yes Beatrice, we shall behave in a manner befitting the crown,’ henry says. his eyes are slightly crossed ‘don't be a tosser’“ (Henry and bea Pg 195) 

“He likes taking henry apart but there's something incredibly intantament about sitting on the bed they wrecked the night before, the only one who watches him create Prince Henry of Wales for the day.” (Pg 200) 

“‘So this is the gang now, huh?’  and through it all, Alex realizes with a start: he has friends now.” (Cash pg 201) 

“How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose?” (Henrys email to Alex pg 203) 

“yours in sexual frustration  Henry” (henrys email to Alex pg 206) 

“once again, how had he ever convinced himself he was straight,” (Alex pg 213) 

“‘just so we’re clear,’ Alex said ‘Im about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. Like that's what's happening?’“ (Alex pg 217) 

“your Brave I could use some of that” (Pg 218) 

“Because that's what he would do if he were here in this palace to fall in love Henry” (Pg 220) 

“Zahra doesnt even look up from her phone ‘that was my boyfriend and no, you may not ask me any further questions about him’” (Zahra Pg 223) 

“If he’s some anonymous normal person removed from history he’s twenty-two and he’s tipsy and he’s pulling a guy into his hotel room by the belt loop. He’s pulling a lip between his teeth and he fumbling behind his back to switch on a lamp and he’s thinking I like this person”  (Pg 228)

“You still are. Because you still bloody care so much.” He leans down and presses a kiss into Alex’s hair. “And you are good. Most things are awful most of the time but you’re good” (Henry Pg 230)

“’Seriously?’ She hisses ‘your literally putting your dick in the leader of a foreign state who is a man at the biggest political event before the election in a hotel full of reporters in a city full of cameras in a race close enough to fucking hinge on some bullshit like this like a manifestation of my fucking stress dreams and you’re asking me not to tell the president about it?’” (Zarha pg 233)

“The next slide is titled EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE ENGLAND? she apologizes for not having time to come up with better titles Alex activity wishes for the sweet release of death” (Pg 237)

“History huh? I bet we could make some.” (Alex’s email to henry Pg 241)

“The pair of you share and an alarming number of traits by the by: passionate determination, never knowing when to shut up, &c &c,” (herny’s email to Alex Pg 242)

“Regards Haplessly romantic heretic prince henry the utterly daft” (henrys email to Alex pg 243)

“‘It’s math,’ Nora says ‘Math has no authority here,’ June tells her ‘Math is everywhere June’” (Nora and June Pg 247)

“Henry is tipsy and shirtless and attempting to referee” (pg 252)

“’Some times you just jump and hope it’s not a chiff’” (Alex dad Pg 256)

“Well, Alex is so in love he could die.” (Pg 257)

“He’s been falling in love with Henry for years probably since he first saw him in glossy print on the pages of j14 almost definitely since Henry pinned Alex to the floor of a medical supply closet and told him to shut the hell up.” (Pg 257)

“’Fuck off five nine is average’” (Pg 258)

“’H?’ He whispers ‘you awake?’ Henry sighs ‘always.’” ( Pg 260)

“He’s got a distinct feeling of something being pulled out of his hands right before he could grasp it.” (Pg 263)

“something rises in Alex's throat - anger, confusion, hurt, bile. Unforgivably, he feels like he might cry” (Pg 270) 

“’Fuck I swear you don’t make it fucking easy but I’m in love with you’” (Alex Pg 271)

“’I never thought I’d be stood here faced with a choice I can’t make because I never ... I never imagined you would love me back’” (Henry pg 273)

“He’s in Henry’s face now if he’s getting his heart broken tonight he’s sure as hell going to make Henry have the guts to do it right ‘tell me you're done with me. I’ll get back on the plane. that's it. and you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it, whatever just say it’” (274)

“He’s in stupid unbearable love and Henry loves him too and at least for one night it matters, even if they both have to pretend to forget in the morning” (Pg 275)

“He tells his too fast brain: don’t miss this time he’s too important” (Alexs thoughts Pg 275)

“henry’s hands-on him are unhurried and soft and they make out lazily for hours or days.” (Pg 280) 

“Alex sighs ‘i don't think I told you but she uh. well, when she fired me she told me that if I wasn't a thousand percent serious about you. I need to break things off.’  Henry nuzzles his nose behind Alex's ear ‘a thousand percent?’” (Alex and Henry Pg 282) 

“‘Diaz you insane hopeless romantic little shit’ says the voice of the president of the united states, muffled in the bed ‘it had better be forever. Be safe’“ (Pg 284) 

“hes cut off mid-sentence because Alex has stopped in the middle of the corridor and yanked him backwards into a kiss” (pg 286) 

“’its funny’ henry says ‘i always thought of the whole thing as the most unforgivable thing about me but you act like its one of the best’“ (henry Pg 289) 

“he takes the chain off his neck and slides the ring on next to the old house key. they click together gently as he tucks them both under his shirt, two homes side by side” (Pg 291) 

“I opened my blasted mouth and said ‘because I'm not like the rest of the men in this family beginning with the fact that I'm am very deeply gay Philip’  once shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier Philip had quite a few words for me,” (Henry’s emails to Alex Pg 298) 

“just leaving, not coming back. maybe burning something down on the way out. it would be nice.” (henrys emails to Alex pg 299)

“I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire” (henrys emails to Alex (describing how he felt when he first saw Alex) Pg 300) 

“20. the fact that you have loved me all along.” (alex’s email to henry (the list of things alex loves about henry) Pg 303) 

“‘Oh my god Z what is That? did you get engaged?’  Zahra looks down at the ring and shrugs. ‘i had the week-end off’” (June and Zahra pg 305)

“’you and me and history, remember? were just gonna fucking fight. because your it okay? Im never gonna love anybody in the world like i love you,’“ (Alex pg 312) 

“‘I swear to god if you say I'm too young I'm gonna lose my shit,’“ (Alex pg 315) 

“What did he do ‘be more specific’“ (Alex to Zahra pg 321 ) 

“’the president is sitting down with as many members of the office of communitcs we could drag out of bed at three in the morning’” (Zahra Pg 323) 

“‘pack a bag’ she says ‘we’re going to londan’” (Zahra Pg 334)

“she (Zarha) seems confident Shaan will agree to it and willing to physically overpower him if not.” (pg 334) 

“still the cocky shit head part of him is slightly pleased to finally have claim on henry. Yep, the prince? Most eligible bachelor in the world? British accent face like a greek god, legs for days? Mine” (Pg 336) 

“‘youre giving my ulcer an ulcer’“ (Zahra pg 336) 

“‘Im running on nothing but black coffee, a wetzels pretzel, and a fistful of B12. Do not even breathe in my directrion,’“ (Zahra Pg 339) 

“He leans up and kisses the underside of his jaw, finding it rough from a full fitful day,” (pg 340)

“‘What kind of family, that says we’ll take the murder, we’ll take the raping and pillaging and the colonizing, well scrub it up nice and neat in a museum but oh no you’re a bloody poof? That’s beyond our sense of decorum’” (Henry pg 347)

“Bea seizes the pot of tea from the center of the table and dumps it into his lap ‘Oh, I’m terribly sorry Pip’ she says grabbing him by the shoulders and shoving him sputtering and yelping toward the door ‘so deardfully clumsy, you know I think all that cocaine I did must have really done a job on my refexes!’” (Bea pg 357)

“Henry pulls Alex close and kisses him whispers, ‘I love you I love you I love you’ and it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if anyone sees.” (Pg 358)

And that’s when I gave up I do have more but well I didn’t want to make this list any more